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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:23
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Yes, you've heard about it, but now we give free tours, to show you how everything is made...everything, that is, except our secret blend of herbs and spices that produces our SECRET RECIPE!
El Squid Company
~ Since the Dawn of History ~
'The Best of Spanish Cuisine on Your Plate'
Board of Directors ~
Hernan de History Guy Calamari, President
Nuclearius Winterius, Vice-President, Head of El Vino Company
Dedicated to Perfection and to His Magnitude, Togas the Magnificient, His Beneficient Majesty, Lord of the Visigoths, Grand Despot of Iberia, Beloved of His People, Majestic and Wise Ruler of the Horizons, Smiter of the Barbarians, Law-Giver King
WE, the members of El Squid Company, pledge to bring to you, the people of Spain, and the denizens of the world, the glory of Spanish cuisine, which is, in it's simplicity and it's magnificience, the dish of fried calamari. As old as time itself, the dish of calamari was probably invented by the founder of El Squid Company, the former mayor of Madrid (until he...uhhh...'resigned'), Juan de History Guy Calamari, the grandfather of the current present, the unopposed Hernan de History Guy Calamari. This was the first time ever recorded that anyone ate a squid. The company now produces, thanks in part to the magnificent blending of herbs and spices, wine and squid, the finest, cheapest squid the world has ever seen, or will see. It serves as a testament to the fact that the oldest is always the best.
Our Senior Partner, Hernan de History Guy Calamari, acknowledges the secret of his grandfather's success to be 'Granny Calamari's Secret Squid Recipe', which is locked in an underground vault under a mountain, protected by well-trained and paid spear-weilding security guards. The recipe has only been perfected by the helping hand of the new partner, Senor Nuclearius Winterius, the head of El Vino Company, the first wine company known to mankind. It is only fitting then that these two companies have merged to form the greatest commercial empire of history, El Squid Company, the pride of the Spanish markets, endorsed by the government itself, which one day will bespangle the globe with chains and outlets, proclaiming the glories of Spain, and the civilizing influence of their culture, and of course, their cuisine.
(by Gastronome Neecap, secretary and bodyguard to Hernan de History Guy Calamari and Nuclearius Winterius)
--
Backed by the Government of Iberia, Togas the First presiding.
--
Last edited by History Guy on 28-11-2002 at 07:30
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F-PRO
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Voorschoten, Zuid-Holland
Oct 2002
time: 06:23
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Your company makes us Spaniards proud, senor Hernan! I feel priviliged to be your major client. In fact, I would like you to be the sponsor of the Stone of Spain. In that way you can contribute even more to society. You will be given, of course, free ads.
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mrmitchell
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Senor Calamari,
You appear to be running a fine business, despite our differences, I say that you make Spain proud.
Spamish Mitchell
the only Squid merchant that capitalizes "Squid"
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pikesfan
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It can’t be more tasty than fried calamari! How can you improve on perfection?
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Nuclear Winter
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I´m still setting up details, but I can say it´ll be something more of a ´´snack´´. By ´´snack´´ I mean a quick, tasty and smaller meal...
Senor mitchel, about non/squid business, I am the one taking care of msot of them for now. If you would join us, you might take the shrimp business(even tough I have plans for these areas...)
That´s it. If you join, we´ll give you room,If you don´t, it´s life...
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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:23
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Senor Nuclearius Winterus, my amigo and most trusted advisor, I am happy to say that I have approved your new dish. It can be both a snack or an appetizer. Perhaps, with the large sized portion, it can be an entire meal. I must secure the deal with Senor Clemente before we unveil our product, however. I have tasted the prototypes, and they are absolutely splendid.
Senor Mitchell, you, and everyone else, shall know soon enough what our secret new dish is. I understand what you are saying, and hope that the new dish will be able to "convert" you, if you will. Perhaps even the Holiday Sampler I have planned will bring you closer to signing a merger.
It appears that Spam Brand seeks to dominate our fair country. With able prosecutors such as Senor Torquemada running around, that may not have been the best choice of words, Senor.
El Squid Company seeks to be Spain's main commercial company, which will not only do business here, but all over the world in a chain fashion (this is one day far in the future, however...I know this only from tossing the bones with the High Priest...). We will become Spain's main foreign company, spreading the glories of Spanish culture and cuisine abroad. This is, I think you'll agree, a very worthy pursuit.
Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron
El Squid Company
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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:23
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Alright. Well, if we can get Senor Clemente to give us enough onions rather than have us grow our own, we'll have...FRIED SQUID PIECES!
Yeah, these little, tasty fried guys will be small squids, or larger, sliced up squid pieces, fried in wine and oil, and on a plate with a red sauce for dipping that can either be a meal (if the portion is large enough), a snack, or an appetizer for a bigger meal! Yes, we just know that this one will be a hit!!
Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron
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Nuclear Winter
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Don´t forget to tell they come along with delicious slices of fried onion, and taste greatly with roman wine!
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mrmitchell
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Senors Calamari and Winterius,
The El Squid Company has always been interested in improving both the quality and quantity of its Squid. It has always treated its businesses and all of its deals with the most strictly professional airs, and has kept its dedication to the quality of its Squid incredibly high.
Meanwhile, the Spam Brand Squid Shop has always been interested in improving both the quality and quantity, but especially the quantity. Being but only a businessman for the first time, Senor Spamish Mitchell has not necessarily been the best businessman, but was able to create competition in the Squid market. The Spam Brand has always been more relaxed in its affairs, and able to joke about its business a time or two. We at the Spam Brand have always made sure we put a bufallo stomach-bagfull of tender loving care into each Squid, but apparently the consumers of Spain cannot taste it.
The El Squid Company has been noteably more succesful than the Spam Brand Squid Shop, and so far I haven't been able to keep up with this remarkably fast transformation of the Squid market, from everyone fishing it for themselves to multi-employee companies netting it in mass quantities and selling it to the local tavern.
The Spam Brand hasn't been that successful, but it has tried, and its efforts have not gone in vain. It showed for a brief and shining moment that the El Squid could not forever dominate the Spanish Squid market. It also is the only Squid company that capitalizes Squid. 
Despite the differences of the two companies, the fact is, they both sell Squid, and they both try to make the best Squid that they can. The methods might differ, but the Squid is produced, and (at least for one company ) it is sold. It is evident that both merchants love selling Squid like they love their children, spouses, and general families.
What I'm getting at is that the Spam Brand is going to undergo major changes in the next few days. It might go ahead and offer to merge with the El Squid Company, or it might pull out of the Squid market, or it might just retool its services, because it is obvious they don't necessarily work as well as the El Squid.
This is NOT a signal of defeat--this is a statement saying to be prepared, for the new Spam Brand Squid Shop is coming!
Before I decide what to do with the Spam Brand, I must think a great amount. I will instruct Thug to use deadly force on anyone who tries to enter my bed-tent. I will not, unlike other matters of business, take this one lightly. Possibly ,due to our time period, the fate of Spain might lie in my hands. The Spam Brand is the only company brave enough to try to compete with the El Squid, and thanks to all who have commended me for trying to do so. I never would be prepared for a tenth of it to lay in my hands, so I must think a lot about this.
I might return in a few minutes, or a few days--it depends on how quickly my inspiration hits me.
Spamish Mitchell
President and Owner of the Spam Brand Squid Company
p.s. Be ready for anything that might come. (I pledge, if you are thinking I have gone insane, that I will not send Thug.)
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Nuclear Winter
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No, I thought you would stay in business, and I was right. I just think you had more future on cacti than on squid business, but the life is yours...
About the floating squid, I guess you had a specially big pot of wine, because the only one capable of contacting spirits, squid or human alike, is Señor Tacticus, el gran priest!
I think he would not be pleased if someone started to claim that could speak to squid spirits (forth Señor Tacticus IS the oficial representant of the spirits...)
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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:23
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The High Priest is not pleased at all, I am sure.
Senor Mitchell, I cannot say that I expected to see an end to Spam Brand at all. I never actually thought you'd merge, but I just wanted to make sure that if there was any chance of it, it would be taken. I am glad of your enterprising business, but I cannot see it succeeding. It undermines the government, for one, especially religiously. It seeks to control Spain's commerce, and that is wrong, morally and politically. We are at such an early age in history that it is folly to attempt it. By the time we actually figure out how to mint things and establish full blown marketplaces, Spam Brand will have outlived it's usefulness, and the empire will crumble, and either become a small business again, or become bankrupt (OOC: that is, if this weren't roleplay, and real life.../OOC). I cannot see it controlling much of anything in future. (OOC: Too early for believable monopolies!!/OOC) However, I see only one thing succeeding, and I put it forward to you.
Abandon the squid business, there is no more profit in it. We can match your prices and sell better products for less. However, we can't, nor can anyone else, sell clothing as good as the stuff from La Ropa. You have the potential to make a good commercial empire there, just as I do in seafood. All people need clothes, and you are the one who can supply them. Think of it! Controlling both La Ropa and Spam Brand Squid would be impossible, but the real company to take stock in would be the only one that would make money, La Ropa. Heck, I'll buy Spam Brand Squid, and give you more than it's worth to help you out, if that's needed to convince you. It would work much better than a cheap, fast-food squid business such as Spam Brand Squid. The smart thing is to go into clothing, something no one has hit on. Otherwise, both companies will probably fall, or one will have to go into serious decline to support the other.
Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:23
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I must say that I am indeed greatly displeased at this claim of others speaking to the spirits. However, I fear that it was not a result of excessive drinking, but something far more ominous: evil spirits have been whispering in Spamish Mitchell's ear. For it is a well-known fact that they are eternally trying to make us listen to their wishes, but as the official representative of the spirits would, of course, never heed them, they must speak to others, who know not them. Thus, I must demand that Spamish Mitchell submit himself to a trial by ordeal, to prove himself untainted by evil. If he fails, he must be put to death. If he passes, he will be let go.
Last edited by GeneralTacticus on 01-12-2002 at 05:30
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:23
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As there a many types of evil spirits and we have no way of divining which he has been possessed by, we will have to subject him to both, one after the other. Start with trial by fire, as he may prove too damp if he gets wet first.
Last edited by GeneralTacticus on 01-12-2002 at 05:57
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mrmitchell
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Help! Thug! Help! Pull back these mobs! Thug! THUG!
I cannot survive fire!
THUG!
Okay, then, I have but one last thing to say (if you're doing what I think you are, literally subjecting me to trial by fire!).
That is, that the secret Squid recipe passed down to me by my ancestors cannot have failed. There must be more to the story...Thug, do not leave the shore where we fish the Squid until you find the cause!!!
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:23
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I am beginning to suspect very strongly that Spamish Mitchell, is in fact, possessed, as surely any man who was innocent would leap at the chance to prove it.
Very well, Spamish: I offer you a choice. You can subject yourself to trial, or you can confess your guilt now and be put to death without one. Which would you prefer?
Last edited by GeneralTacticus on 01-12-2002 at 06:43
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mrmitchell
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Do you mean subject myself to literal trial by fire?
I am innocent, I tell you! Innocent!
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Nuclear Winter
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He who untaps squidly powers he cannot control ends up paying severe taxes.
Hopefully, after the trial of fire we could save his descendants souls, oh great Priest?
If there is need for money, I offer myself to pay, cause he used to be an honored concorrent.
At least before those evil spirits!
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:23
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quote:
Do you mean subject myself to literal trial by fire?
I am innocent, I tell you! Innocent! |
Assuming that you pass the test by water, you shall be held to a flame. If you burn, you are innocent; if you do not, you are possessed. If you refuse to submit, then you are obviously guilty and must be put to death.
quote:
He who untaps squidly powers he cannot control ends up paying severe taxes.
Hopefully, after the trial of fire we could save his descendants souls, oh great Priest?
If there is need for money, I offer myself to pay, cause he used to be an honored concorrent.
At least before those evil spirits! |
His descendants need not fear for their souls. As for taxes; any of his personal property will be confiscated by the priesthood for purification, but family property will remain untouched. There is no need for you to pay anything, unless you have property which was his after his possession.
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mrmitchell
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So you are literally going to set me on fire to see if I am controlled by spirits? And you mean you will try to trial my children too? This cannot happen! I thought we were becoming better than cavemen!!! I am innocent!
I ask you, then, if you are to do this horrible deed: When I am set ablaze, am I controlled by spirits if I survive?
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mrmitchell
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Spamish Enterprises is owned now by Thug!!!
So you're saying I can have the test by water first? What exactly are the mechanics of this trial? And if I pass the trial by water, however it might be passed, then I will be trialed by fire?
Is the trial by water just a pouring of water on me? What happens if I survive both tests? Do you not realize I would not be able to live if I was burned, and not possessed?
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28-11-2002 01:39
), prepare to taste the greatest meal of your lifes!
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