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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:27
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*sigh*
This is alot to read, but i would much appreciate if you read it and lend me advice, but if you dont want to you could just skip several paragraphs...
I eagerly applied last winter to the US Air Force Academy, seeing myself with a great future in military service, with purpose and direction. I had been waiting for that for many years. I quickly squirreled up one of my Senator's nominations, adn my other two Congressmen sent me letters of assurances that if I had not already received a nomination, that they would have given me one. During an interview with a panel of alumni from the various service academies, after examining my record thouroughly, they said i was the type of person the USAFA was looking for. I had skills and ambition. This gave me much confidence.
My Liason Officer interveiw went very well, and later she told me that she had scored my character (one of the 4 things the service academies llook at) very high. My SAT scores were well above the academy average, and my grades were quite good. I scored well above average on everything in my Physical Aptitude Exam (pushups in 2 minutes, pullups, standing broad jump, basketball throw, 300meter shuttle run), except pull-ups, which i did slightly less than average on (damn my long arms and heavy legs!). I have been active in extracurricular activities, and in athletics. The one area really that i was lacking was leadership postions.
Anyway, after all this, and added confidence given to me by my school councilor, I figured I had a very good chance at acceptance. I had worked very hard to be a competetive applicant.
Unfortunately, I recieved a letter the day before last telling me that I would not be recieving an appoinment to the USAFA. Initially, i tried to block it from my mind, just acknowledging the letter, but nothing more.
But now, after time, i have had no choice but to thiink about it (as i am always thinking...) and my feelings suck ass. Although i appled to other places in case of this, i never thought those things thru. At the academy, i had a plan, my life had a future and i had dreams and aspirations. The thing that pisses me off the most is that i know i have the ability to have realized that stuff, but i cant now because i was nudged out. Now, at the university of texas (the place i will probably end up going), i have no idea what im going to do with my life. I have no plans for even next year, let alone what direction my life will take . It is almost scarey.
Another big problem is i dunno how i am going to pay for college. I was going to do an AFROTC application, but i was late on it because i mis-thought it was the same as the academy's. SO now, im going into college with no financial aid nor scholarships, and i am definately not from a wealthy family (single mother who just finished struggling to put my older brother thru college with almost no help from a dead-beat dad). The list of how this has really shaken up my life goes on and on. I have feelings of extreme failure. Like i failed myself, and the many people who had high expectations of me, adn were pulling for me. And this is ALL ontop of a bunch of **** im going thru in my life already, that i dont care much to delve into.
I dunno why im writting this, i guess im just searching for consolation to my anxiety, or perhaps any advice about anything that i can get. If you have any questions on more details of whats going on, please ask. ill tell further what i can/want to.
EDIT: also, any one have any similar experiences?
Kman
Last edited by Kramerman on 07-04-2003 at 10:25
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Pekka
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em seu burro dos pais!
Feb 2002
time: 07:27
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Kramerman, forgive me for not reading your whole post. I'll read it later though, I just wanted to give my fast reply because I'm going off to bed now. I read bits of it, and it sounds all familiar. I finished school in time, went to army, did that, and then missed first applying time to universitys (we have it only once in year), and the second time (last summer) I got 2 points too low score in very tight entrance exams. Now, I have waited a year, and ready to apply again. I was supposed to get in when I was like 20. For missing the first time completely, and failing the next one after that.. what I'm 23 this summer, and if I don't get in.. man.. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I know I'll have a serious nervous brake down and collapse. Pressure is super intesive. If I fail, I don't know what the hell will happen.. I'll go on a shooting spree or something.
So Kramerman, you're not alone  . We must have some trust in ourselves, and that everything is going to work out OK. Besides, the success will taste so good when it happens after all the hardships.. it will be good.
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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:27
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quote:
Originally posted by orange
why not try other branches of the military? Why the military, anyway...you seem to have the credentials to do well at a University...yes?
Sorry that you weren't accepted  |
well, when applying to academies, your pretty much limited to choosing only one (ie westpoint, anapolis, or colorado springs). I looked at all of them thouroughly, adn decided that USAFA was all but perfect for me. And i really do not wish to join the military unless i go in as a comissioned officer, thus college comes first. And i would be quite happy with a civilian life, but i dunno what to do. ill have to come up with a whole new plan for my life.
None the less, my boy hood dreams have pretty much been destroyed
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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:27
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quote:
Re-reading your intial post, it's kinda scary how similar our situations are. I feel your pain... |
would you mind sharing? 
quote:
K Dog,
Was there something in particular about the Academy? Does it lead you to another place? Do you want to be a pilot or? |
yeah, i wanted to be a pilot, and ultimately an astronaut, which the Academy is good at producing. These things are still feasible, but it will be much, much harder, and require even MORE work. The next best path to these things would be AFROTC, but like i said, i was late. i believe i can try again next year, but im pretty sure not next semseter. Ill have to look into it further tho.
quote:
****. Is there any way you can wait a semester? It might be worth waiting until the spring to go to school if you can get it paid for. |
up^
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Pekka
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em seu burro dos pais!
Feb 2002
time: 07:27
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Kramerman, yeah. You know after I got out of the service, I haven't had any direction. Never know what will happen the next week, only thing I've been waiting for is the next applying time. It's frustrating, and you realize you can't do it 10 times. What if failure happens? What happens to me then? Do I just end up pumping gass to local Exxon making $5 an hour?
I've had so many downs thinking about these things, but it doesn't do any good.. we just need to look at the bright side and the GREAT feeling that comes when we get something in the right direction. I mean, if I get in couple of months, 130 kilo gimp is off my back. I try to focus on that, and not think about failing too much, since I can't take ANOTHER year of this crapola. Everytime I'm down, I think about kids in Africa or something, how bad their things are and how good it is for me, having roof over my head, being able to eat everyday, healthy, entertainment.. I bet 90% of worlds population is suffering worse. I feel better instantly .
But you know, we will succeed. They can't hold us back forever, we are too rare of a kind. Besides, this only builds us great characters. We'll be able to appreciate things, nothing is free anyway. Our day of victory will come, mark my words, it will come.. maybe not tomorrow, next month or this year, but it will come. And that day will be ours and the future from their on. We must feel the downs to be able to feel the victory better and we'll go through everything like the tanks in Baghdad right now. And after that we're also moral winners. I already imagine the moment when I'll lift that beer to my lips and say to my buddies '3 years of waiting and not knowing.. and now it's off my back!'. They can't do anything to stop us, keep the hope up.
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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:27
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quote:
I think about kids in Africa or something, how bad their things are and how good it is for me, having roof over my head, being able to eat everyday, healthy, entertainment.. I bet 90% of worlds population is suffering worse. I feel better instantly . |
Ive thought about this too... I suppose this transcends borders, no?
quote:
Pekka is a good guy. Well said. |
I second this
quote:
K Man you will be okay. That spirit Pekka just talked about overcomes ANYTHING.
Trust me, I've been chasing after some things for years and years, and one by one I've knocked them down. Every last one of them. I've been rejected, blocked, knocked down, taken on side excursions, but every step of the way knew that someday the end game was mine to win.
NOBODY CAN STOP ME THEY CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN ME |
*sigh*
I know i have to just suck it up. I am a man now. I will move on, and I know i wont fail in life, i know this. I know i can still be successful, tho everything didnt go to plan. Im just disappointed that it wont turn out like i thought it would, like i hoped it would. It really smacks me into reality. But i cant help but get pissed off when i hear how people who i know are clearly underqualified in my class, get accepted to places that others i know who were qualified, were not accepted. It makes me lose confidence in the system, among other things
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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:27
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quote:
Originally posted by MichaeltheGreat
All of the service branches have various enlisted commissioning programs, and at different times, they've had various programs where you can get TDY'd to finish college. It's worth checking out the options, since service academy graduates don't supply all of the officer requirements of the services.
I don't know about airedales, but several colleges are essentially "trade schools" for the Army - the Citadel and VMI, of course, but also Norwich and Texas A&M. |
I really do not want to spend a second in the military as a non com. Nothin against them, i just dont want to be hardcore military, and im uncertain of a long-term military career that would be most probably necessary for enlisting and working my way up the ranks. I did look at several schools, such as Texas A&M(my cousin and uncle went there, adn another cousin is currently attending), but i was turned off from them by one aspect or another. I guess it is partially the fault of my particularness that all my eggs practically wound up in one basket.
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Pekka
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em seu burro dos pais!
Feb 2002
time: 07:27
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Kramerman, Also one important thing. I can't promise that I'll make it this time, because I don't know it's tough place to get in and only few will get in.. so I can not know for 100% that this time I'll make it. But I can promise myself that I will keep going on and try as many times as it takes, and never give up. It's comforting to know that, and you can use that to keep believing in yourself when you have hard times. Never give up, never ever do that, because that is the only thing that would make one a failure.
And it's ok to be down sometimes, as long as it won't dominate your life. You know that feeling inside of you, that eventually you will succeed? It's strong feeling because it's true! And if all fails, just get angry and build from there.. you know the attitude 'You don't let me play in your playground? Fine, I'll build my own playground then! Go ***** yourselves!'. Healthy anger..
Last edited by Pekka on 07-04-2003 at 11:30
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07-04-2003 10:10
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