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Alinestra Covelia
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I sense the dodgy presence of Bing - a presence I've not felt since...
Feb 2000
time: 00:13
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Well, this is the place I've set aside for comments on my piece of fiction "Joe". As of 19th July 2000, only the starting episode has been posted, so I understand the comments will probably be a bit sparse as yet.
Hopefully it'll get a bit more momentum as time goes by and more episodes go up.
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Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY
Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
The story to which this thread relates can be found here.
[This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited December 19, 2000).]
Further edit:
I have moved the map of Planet up here for easy accessibility. As you can see, the geography is the same as you'd find on a MAP OF PLANET: HUGE map.
The names of landmasses are NOT directly related to the factions living on them. They are named thus:
Xing Ya (pronounced "Sheeng Yah") is Chinese for "New Asia". Harmonia is so named for the Harmonics of the Caretakers. Iphiclia is named after Iphicles, the mythical mortal brother to Hercules. Phoenica is named because of the shape of the continent - fancifully held to be a Phoenix and plumage, although the Hiverians sometimes called it Long Zhou ("Luhng Joe" in pronunciation) meaning "Dragon Continent".
The factions you can see here are the ones so far included in the story. Note that all the colors are "correct" in this picture. If a city looks like it's a Caretaker city, it means it is a Caretaker city. This is just to give a vague idea of the territories held by the factions:
The Hive are heavily predominant on Xing Ya, with the ruins of the Usurpers north. On the same continent are the University and the Monsoon Jungle. The Drones also once shared this continent, but were definitively eradicated by the Hive - more on that to come in the tales.
The Data Angels inhabit the northern continent (Iphiclia), and their population is still quite low, given their later start in the game. The central continent (Harmonia) is inhabited almost solely by the Caretakers - although it is important to note that the Hive are eliminating bases left, right, and center. In the story, the Hive have destroyed enough Caretaker bases to be the likely winners... so a 75% extermination is the most probable-sounding state of affairs.
The westernmost continent - Phoenica or Long Zhou - houses the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Gaians. The Spartans make their rocky lairs on the slopes of Mount Planet, and the neighboring landmass.
The Nautilus Pirates are a delocalized faction, but they are certainly present, and comprise part of the Aquascante Treaty - a Treaty alliance between the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Pirates. Their main base of operations is to the north of the Caretaker continent, Harmonia.
Factions not present: Cybernetic Consciousness, Lord's Believers, Cult of Planet. However, note that in later episodes of the tale, all of these factions are mentioned, however slightly.
Right. Hope that clears things up, and don't hesitate to post any questions up here!
Last edited by Alinestra Covelia on 15-06-2002 at 14:00
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senatus
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Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
May 2000
time: 00:13
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I like it as well, especially how you portrayed the Data Angels (the police using "Citizen's Arrest", for example). With all due respect to Argo, I always thought the factional goals of the Data Angels were pretty stupid (OK for parasites in a society, but not credible for a physically isolated faction that had to struggle to survive in a hostile environment - I can't see hackers farming and 'forming, let alone rising beyond the size of the factions they prey on, *because* they need to rely upon a pre-existing infrastructure to support their social values). Instead, you've portrayed them like semi-anarchists; libertarians (unlike the PKs which are heavily governed)
with a heavy network bent, and that's far more viable (or at least, credible) as a society.
Nice to see "Human being" return. I take it you were playing the Hive in your game.
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Alinestra Covelia
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I sense the dodgy presence of Bing - a presence I've not felt since...
Feb 2000
time: 00:13
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Senatus: Yeah, I also found the entire logic behind a complete faction that preys on others rather faulty. I could understand a sort of meta-underground that existed between all the factions, run by a DataJack at the top and with various cells of operations beneath her, but surely once the faction actually announced its existence, then it would cease to be underground! And any decent Planetary council would move to stamp out the DataTechs immediately in order to preserve technological integrity... failing that, they could go the other way and liberalize all technology - in which situation, the DataTechs would be out of a job! 
Concerning the character Hu Man Bing - he's the codename of my housemate, but in Mandarin it can actually mean "Hu the Complete Soldier". That's a little bit off right here, seeing as the character is a diplomat, but it's interesting to see that a name as artifical-sounding as that can actually bear a real meaning.
Yes, I was playing as the Hive. In fact, I am still playing that game, although the present situation is much changed from the story timeline's.
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Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY
Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
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Hydro
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Winfield, IL, USA
Jun 1999
time: 05:13
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AC,
I like your Yang.
He is coldly logical, but aware of the 'failings' of those around him. He is ruthless when he needs to be, but is not completely cold hearted (re. - Agent Hu). He is supremely intelligent and in complete control, of himself at least. I don't see Yang ever loosing his temper, and he would always talk in the strangely penetrating soft voice like in the SMAC tech and SP voiceovers.
As Senetus said recently, it is far too easy to portray Yang as a caricature, or as a brutish communist thug. Yang is much deeper than that. Does that make him a nice man, or likeable? Probably not. Understandable? Only if you are very lucky.
Nice job, and I look forward to more.
Hydro
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Alinestra Covelia
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I sense the dodgy presence of Bing - a presence I've not felt since...
Feb 2000
time: 00:13
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Okay, I've posted an episode so long it had to be done in two postings!
EDIT: There used to be three pictures of the SMAX world as relevant to this story here, but I have altered and moved them upwards to post number one in this thread for accessibility.
Allie Cove
Last edited by Alinestra Covelia on 15-06-2002 at 13:51
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SixArmedMan
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Toronto, Canada.
Jan 1970
time: 00:13
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I've read your story from when you first started it here and I've been totally engrossed. I must say, it is THE best I've read so far. I've never seen a writer so flawlessly portray each personality with such convincing words and actions that one would attribute to them. I just never wrote any feedback before though because I'm kind of iffy about pouring your typical cliched compliments such as
"Awesome story!"
"It's really good!"
"I like it a lot!"
"It's one of THE best I've ever read!"
but when you say you considered almost stopping because of lack of feedback, I suppose ANY praise'd be appreciated by this point.
Hey, I always play as the Hive too. I'm always ruthless towards the aliens and everyone always pacts with them against me. Blah blah blah. Anyways, I think your story is great so far and I hope you finish it to the end.
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Alinestra Covelia
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I sense the dodgy presence of Bing - a presence I've not felt since...
Feb 2000
time: 00:13
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Raging Mouse: Yes, I got this out of one single Iron Woman game. (No, I wasn't Margaret Thatcher.) I was playing as the Hive, and competing against the Angels for completion of the Cyborg Factory secret project. I had to pump an unbelievable number of Probe Teams into the capital base of the Data Angels - think three cruiser transports' worth - and only the very very last one survived to succeed in sabotaging the project.
At the same time, my diplomatic relations with other factions underwent curious changes, to the point where I became instrumental in a Planetary Vote.
On an administrative note, I have gone back and split the interlude properly into two posts at a paragraph break, since previously it broke in the middle of a sentence, which is not only unattractive, it is also probably habit-forming. (For those of you who are like me and can't remember them by title, it was the episode when Joely McClelland strikes it lucky. Twice.)
I should really go back at some point and eliminate all the absent conjunctions and typos in the latest episode. But that can wait until I'm fully awake.
*yawns. Pads off to find some coffee.*
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SixArmedMan
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Toronto, Canada.
Jan 1970
time: 00:13
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Umm... I suppose hot on the heels mean sometime within the next two months, right???
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20-07-2000 02:30
+#!|\| |< !+'$ |234|_|_y (00| and it has really screwed my head in, I can tell you.
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