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mrmitchell
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The Air Force should use the last picture in one of its ads.
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Sprayber
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Dixie
Oct 2000
time: 23:28
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.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the
United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army
and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and
take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who
take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real
exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form
of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States,
even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk
around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not
really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other
services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around
me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my -- snicker -- "basic training," I will be a
lean, mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-
clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I will believe that I am superior to all
others, and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing
the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone
is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around
me, and will go home early everyday.
I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that
all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me
tomorrow.
So help me God.
Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________
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U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the
United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots
because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to
wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will
continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my
drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I
ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC
training, I will attend a different Army school once every other
month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am
cool and propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife
stay home, because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter,
better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I
will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at
1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to
report back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no
training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and
will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I
will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college,
but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.
So help me God.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________ U.S.
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NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years
of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I
like to swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have
my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I
understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the
summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use
a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really
mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the
fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else
for that matter, are completely different from the other services and
make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I
am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around
0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can
stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not
spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice
each fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am
required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal,
whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
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U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-
tight... grunt... cammies... ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
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chegitz guevara
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Ft. Lauderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Jun 2000
time: 00:28
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This is a joke one of my Air Farce buddies told me:
An Army Colonel, and Marine Colonel, and an Air Force Colonel were having dinner, attended by soldiers from their respective services. Eventually conversation got around to which branch of service was the toughest. So, the Army Colonel says to one of his soldiers, "I want you to go screw Gobachov's wife and bring back her panties." The grunt says, "SIR, yes SIR!" and is off. A little while later, the grunt returns with a pair of panites that say "Raisa Gorbechov."
The Marine Colonel says, "That's nothing. Private, I want you to go screw Nancy Reagan and bring back her panties (this was the 80s)." "SIR, YES SIR!" Off the Marine grunt goes. A little while later he returns with Nancy Reagan's panties.
The Air Force colonel, not wanting to be showed up says, "That's nothing. Airman, I want you to go screw Mrs Gorbachov and Mrs Reagan and bring back their panties." And the Airmens says, "Sir, **** you, Sir! It's off duty hours Sir!"
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Lonestar
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AECCP Dark Lord of the Sith
Aug 2000
time: 00:28
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quote:
Originally posted by chegitz guevara
This is a joke one of my Air Farce buddies told me:
An Army Colonel, and Marine Colonel, and an Air Force Colonel were having dinner, attended by soldiers from their respective services. Eventually conversation got around to which branch of service was the toughest. So, the Army Colonel says to one of his soldiers, "I want you to go screw Gobachov's wife and bring back her panties." The grunt says, "SIR, yes SIR!" and is off. A little while later, the grunt returns with a pair of panites that say "Raisa Gorbechov."
The Marine Colonel says, "That's nothing. Private, I want you to go screw Nancy Reagan and bring back her panties (this was the 80s)." "SIR, YES SIR!" Off the Marine grunt goes. A little while later he returns with Nancy Reagan's panties.
The Air Force colonel, not wanting to be showed up says, "That's nothing. Airman, I want you to go screw Mrs Gorbachov and Mrs Reagan and bring back their panties." And the Airmens says, "Sir, **** you, Sir! It's off duty hours Sir!" |
In ours, it's the Navy Seaman that says "F--K you, Admiral!"
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04-06-2003 03:22
. But seriously it costs a lot of money for each day of operation of a carrier. And even when dipping down around the arabian peninsula we were still hundreds of miles from the equator. Basically we worked all the time. Our only fun was stupid bingo games on sunday nights. Bingo is for old people, that is not fun.
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ACK!
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