18-06-2003 19:18									#1
	I suck at flirting. Get a bigger avatar today!

heh heh. i suck at it. was just talking to a customer and was really trying hard but just couldn't pull it all together.

Funny how your good at some things naturally and have to work on others.

Who is good at it? Poor at it?

Its lucky i'm so incredibly handsome.

	18-06-2003 19:23									#2
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Mark me down as being at or near the other end of that spectrum....about the only distinguishing feature I have going for me is that I'm tall (6'6" and change). Aside from that, a totally average guy, so if I wanna get noticed, it means developing those conversational skills (and a good bit of winging it)

-=Vel=-

	18-06-2003 19:23									#3
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quote: heh heh. i suck at it.

I'm only making an assumption here, but you could very well be in the compagny of give or take 38.000 others who don't have much talent either.

	18-06-2003 19:25									#4
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The big thing to remember is the difference in being witty and being crude.

	18-06-2003 19:29									#5
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I'm so good at flirting that it almost bothers me.

	18-06-2003 19:53									#6
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I prefer not to try. I inherit a pretty good natural wit from my family, and I use it in practically every conversation I have. If it happens that I have a chance to employ this wit while talking to an attractive person, all the better.

But if you attempt to force a conversation, in any way, odds are you'll end up screwing things up.

Then again, I'm an asocial git whose technically never had a girlfriend.

	18-06-2003 19:56									#7
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You're just very quiet. But when you make an effort to talk to people it seems that they are very interested in chatting with you.

Don't worry about that bird. Some people might look good, but you don't have much of a personality match. I think the key is to make sure that people who you do "click" with, are interested in discussion.

Those two girls from the Salt Creek like you...

	18-06-2003 20:01									#8
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I have trouble starting discussion with people who haven't been presented to me, because I have no idea of their center of interests, and I don't dare bothering them talking about Civ, 'Poly, Politics, or Princess Mononoke.

Of course, when I'm in a place where we share the same interests, starting a pleasant conversation / flirting would be much easier. I'm sure I'd seduce dozens of feminists if I was free to do so

	18-06-2003 20:01									#9
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what two girls from salt creek?

	18-06-2003 20:07									#10
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I don't - I don't need to

I know how to listen to people, that makes me a good conversationalist.

	18-06-2003 20:10									#11
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so wouldn't that mean that you do it naturally and so therefore do, do it.

	18-06-2003 20:15									#12
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Just about generic conversations though, because honestly I don't know much about flirting. Probably couldn't tell even if it hits me in the head

	18-06-2003 20:17									#13
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I'm great at flirting, crap at asking girls out.

Interests have nothing to do with flirting, flirting is all about sex. Anyway, shared interests aren't necessary for starting conversations, find out what the person is interested in and if you don't know much about it then they can tell you.

Basically what people want is for other people to find them interesting and attractive. If you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and can respond reasonably intelligently and make it obvious that you find them physically attractive then they'll respond well to you.

	18-06-2003 20:18									#14
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Flirting is as easy as "working" a business reception.

You approach a group of people you don't know... and listen in for a few minutes while staying a slight distance away. Find out what they are talking about, and at the right time, enter the conversation by saying something like "I heard you talking about ________" and add your opinon on the subject. Works like a charm. If you are trying to get "one special" persons attention... just agree or support their point of view.

	18-06-2003 20:23									#15
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quote: Originally posted by Ming Flirting is as easy as "working" a business reception. You approach a group of people you don't know... and listen in for a few minutes while staying a slight distance away. Find out what they are talking about, and at the right time, enter the conversation by saying something like "I heard you talking about ________" and add your opinon on the subject. Works like a charm. If you are trying to get "one special" persons attention... just agree or support their point of view.

And this is a good example of "working a thread", i agree witth you Ming.

(If Ming was a girl he would now be wondering who that handsome Richelieu guy is...)

	18-06-2003 20:29									#16
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i'm average at flirting, i suppose. my problem is that i tend to be too reserved unless i'm friends with them, so i don't flirt with strangers, and until recently, i didn't really flirt that much with anyone except my gf. (i did flirt with other friends that were girls, but it was understood as not being serious.)

i kinda suck at asking people out. mainly because of that same reservedness, and also that i can't tell who's interested in me or not.

	18-06-2003 20:33									#17
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Asking people out is easy... Heck, what's the worst they can say... NO... And then you are no worse off than before you asked them.

What's the old joke... if you want to win the lottery, you have to first buy a ticket. So ask away... even if they say no, you will be gaining more experience for the next time. You will learn what doesn't work, and can keep changing your style until you do find something that works for you.

Remember... Having somebody say no is NO WORSE than never asking.

	18-06-2003 20:38									#18
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It's funny that everybody knows what Ming is saying is true, but it won't stop any of us from being nervous with the next person we try to ask out.

	18-06-2003 20:42									#19
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quote: Originally posted by Ming Remember... Having somebody say no is NO WORSE than never asking.

This is not always true. If I asked out that rarely (actually only once, which makes my failure rate 0% :Pride: ), that's because nearly all the girls I was interested in were friends, or belonged to a group of friends. I didn't want a rejection to ruin the mood between us, or among the group of friends. It has to do with me not being outgoing at all, and only hanging with people who are already acquaintances.

Now that I've grown older however (as well as my targets) the impact of a rejection is becoming much smaller for all parties. If I was free, I think I'd exercize more in flirting, now that I have seen it's easy

	18-06-2003 20:44									#20
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Why be nervous?
For once , Ming is right.
What is the worst that can happen? Rejection?
Hell. I've had worse on my eyeball.
I get rejected here, almost every day.
Ain't no thang.

	18-06-2003 20:44									#21
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quote: It's funny that everybody knows what Ming is saying is true, but it won't stop any of us from being nervous with the next person we try to ask out.

It's funny 'cause it's true

	18-06-2003 20:48									#22
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Even if they are a member of a group, you can earn points when you get rejected.

When they say no, just follow up with a snappy line like.

"Well, I just had to try, somebody as beautiful and special as you is always worth the effort" "Even hearing you say No makes it worth it"

One time, the girl blushed, then agreed to the date after saying NO

	18-06-2003 20:54									#23
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quote: Originally posted by Ming "Well, I just had to try, somebody as beautiful and special as you is always worth the effort" "Even hearing you say No makes it worth it"

No surprise you work in advertisement !

	18-06-2003 21:00									#24
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99% percent of the guys asking will be nervous... that's normal. The trick is to NOT LOOK nervous. Just smile, and have a few responses ready to deal with whatever answer they give. A smile, and a quick response is better than standing there like a "deer caught in headlights" While they may say no, one of their friends might be interested because of how you handled it.

	18-06-2003 21:05									#25
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If they say no, don't immediately ask one of their friends out though. You have to give it some time to "realise you asked the wrong friend out". Otherwise it just looks like Plan A failed so you are moving to Plan B.

	18-06-2003 21:06									#26
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I'm socially awkward, so having the proper frame of mind helps me considerably. You can't go in expecting the "yes" response; either anticipate the "no" (although this can also throw you off if she does say "yes"), or approach it with pleasantly cavalier attitude - you're there to enjoy yourself and make a human contact regardless of her response. Not, "I don't give a f*ck whether she says yes or no", but rather "I'll give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out, oh well, it was still fun."

Of course, I'm married now, so my (and my wife's) flirting is much more subdued these days, though we can't pass up a verbal excahnge with an attractive stranger. We consider it practice for when we get down and dirty with each other. I love my wife.

	18-06-2003 21:17									#27
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quote: Find out what they are talking about, and at the right time, enter the conversation by saying something like "I heard you talking about ________" and add your opinon on the subject. Works like a charm.

Does that really work for you?? I mean, if I were talking with some group of friends, and some utter stranger suddenly interrupted us...

	18-06-2003 21:23									#28
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quote: Originally posted by MikeH If they say no, don't immediately ask one of their friends out though. You have to give it some time to "realise you asked the wrong friend out". Otherwise it just looks like Plan A failed so you are moving to Plan B.

So True... So True...
Also... it gives you a chance to scope the friends out, and see if any seem interested in you. (you know, sidewise glances) Then when the time is right... you can take your shot on a higher probablity target.

	18-06-2003 21:33									#29
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quote: I suck at flirting

Welcome to the club.

I suck at everything that is pointless. I absolutely loath small talk, and the only people I know who share my interests(the usual Poly interests... history, politics, a bit philosophy, sci fi, etc) are on the net and only a couple of them are Israelis... Fun, fun, fun.

	18-06-2003 21:34									#30
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quote: Originally posted by Maniac Does that really work for you?? I mean, if I were talking with some group of friends, and some utter stranger suddenly interrupted us...

First... you would only do that in the proper setting. Like a bar, or other hang out where people are obviously going to meet other people.

And Second... you do wait for the appropriate moment...
You just don't "barge" in... you wait for a momentary lull in the coversation.