31-07-2003 22:37									#31
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

If she wants to change her surname it's ok. But is she changes it by some sort of obligation then it is not ok.

There is no need to change it, but saying that the tradition followed at some countries goes against the woman's right and all that is just plain stupid. It is just a tradition and nothing else.

Spanish women don't change their surname when married and it has always worked well. The children get the first surname of the father and the first surname of the mother (Yes, we have two surnames).

	31-07-2003 22:40									#32
	Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by Oerdin I would be pissed to the point of calling off the marriage if she didn't want my last name. In my mind it is part of getting married and a symbol of our new life together. If she digs in on something so simple and fundimental then it's clear that hard times are ahead.

Nice double standard. You'd ditch her at the alter for making a "big deal" out of something so simple... right.

	31-07-2003 22:47									#33
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

My wife took my name, god bless her... Her name went from an easily pronouncible 6 letter name to a tounge twister of an evil name with 13 letters and two words!

I wasn't going to change my name, and we had no discussion about it. One day, about a week before we were married, she came home with all the paper work to change her name on everything. I told her she's nuts, and she said it's how it's done.

Personally, I could care less, but I think it really keeps things simple to have the same last name and to have kids with the same last name. Ever try to go to a school and pick up a random kid? If you don't have the same name as the kid they won't believe anything you say. Passport forms and medical insurance would get really weird... It just seems that a lot of things rely on the two of you being married, and when people see two last names they will assume there is no relation and you may have issues.

	31-07-2003 23:06									#34
	Full PM-box? Change here!

quote: Nice double standard. You'd ditch her at the alter for making a "big deal" out of something so simple... right.

	31-07-2003 23:09									#35
	Remove this text

quote: Originally posted by Dissident but I would insist the children have my last name.

Why?

	31-07-2003 23:58									#36
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

I didn't think it would matter whether my wife took my last name or not but when she took her time getting her name officially changed (about 8 months) it kind of hurt my feelings. What a wuss, right?

	01-08-2003 00:01									#37
	Put an end to popups!

It's just something I feel very stongly about and if she wasn't traditional enough to want to do so then it is obvious our values wouldn't match. How can you be married to someone who you don't share basic family values with?

	01-08-2003 00:05									#38
	Suffering from ads?

Couldn't help it:


Homer: "While I was at the court house I had them change your name!"
Marge: "To what?!?!?!?"
HomeR: "Chesty Laroux"
Marge: "Chesty Laroux!?!?!?!"
Homer: "Just try it for two weeks and if you're not completely satisfied, you can be Busty St. Claire"
Marge: "I don't want to be Chesty Laroux or Busty Saint Claire!"
Homer: "Fine, Hootie McBoob it is"
Marge: "Goodnight Homer!!!"
Homer: "Sleep tight Hootie"
Marge: "Let go of those!"

	01-08-2003 00:13									#39
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

quote: Originally posted by SlowwHand So, it's LTEC-Great?

Why YES! doesn't it sound pretty damn good?

	01-08-2003 00:17									#40
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

Oh, good. I didn't think you were going to see.

	01-08-2003 01:31									#41
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

My fiancee is going to take my last name.

Man, that still sounds strange, even a month later.

	01-08-2003 02:21									#42
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

My wife took my name. I wouldn't have had a problem if she kept her own, but I have to admit it made me happy.

I found out a few years ago that wives aren't allowed to change their names in Quebec. They changed the law there awhile back, and made it retroactive. Most women ignore it and use what they want, but for all legal uses they must use their maiden name. I found this out when visiting my aunt in the hospital out there - she was admitted under her maiden name.

	01-08-2003 03:16									#43
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Well, when I got married, I changed my name.
When I got divorced, I chose to keep my married name as it had been my name for 10 years. Now that I've been divorced longer than I was married, I'm often tempted to change it back to my maiden name...but...if I do, who would know me? It's been my name since 1982. So.....................

	01-08-2003 03:21									#44
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

My mother kept my father's name after their divorce.
That was...33 years ago.

	01-08-2003 03:30									#45
	Increase Your PM Length

My aunt still has her ex-husband's last name and they've been divorced for 12 years. The problem was they were married for like 15 years and EVRYONE know her as Mrs. so-and-so thus she would have had a hard time going back to her old name.

	01-08-2003 03:30									#46
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

now I know why you are how you are, SlowwHand...

	01-08-2003 03:31									#47
	Get a bigger avatar today!

Divorce would have been uncommon in 1970 so a woman would have had that much pressure to not change her name. It would suck to have everyone ask "Why did your name change?" You'd have to explain it over and over and...

	01-08-2003 04:28									#48
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Yes in Quebec, marriage is not a reason for ppl to change name automatically anymore.
Ppl lose lots of old grandmothers in hospital for this reason these days...
(Almost not kidding)

	01-08-2003 04:52									#49
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

My mom kept her maiden name unhyphened when she married my stepdad in 1997. My aunt in Seattle hyphened on her husband's lastname. My uncle's wife in Denver hyphened her lastname onto my uncle's lastname.

	01-08-2003 05:38									#50
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

In Chinese it's weird... Let's say a woman called Mary Chang gets married to a Mr. Lee. You would then refer to her as "Mrs. Lee" but if addressing her by her full name "Mary Chang." In the eyes of the law the name does not change.

	01-08-2003 11:26									#51
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by FrustratedPoet Why?

If I'm going to be paying for the children, they are getting my name plane and simple. And yes I would be paying most of the bills.

But I would not insist my wife take my name. She can have her individuality if she wants. It's a silly custom that implies ownership. Men do not own women. But a man can own his kids

	01-08-2003 12:09									#52
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

If one party is going to change names then said party should not do so if said party:-

(a) Has notable academic qualifications in original name.

(b) Is travelling/working overseas within a short space of time of the name change and then has to try and get the name on her passport changed.

(c) Wishes to apply for loan/mortgage, etc, in said other country or not, within a short space of time of said name change.


A colleague learned the above the hard way.

	01-08-2003 13:00									#53
	Support Apolyton, buy Call to Power 2

Actually, in the Chinese culture I grew up in, let's say Mary Lee marries John Wong.

She would be known by her biological family, extended family and among the Chinese community as 'Wong's wife (Wong tai[4]-tai[5]),' but her own friends might still call her Mary Lee, informally.

Yep, no ownership implied here.

I think the Phoenix's almost had it best: they let the kids pick their own damn names. I think they chose to keep Phoenix as a surname because they actually liked their family, or wanted to emulate more famous members.

	01-08-2003 13:17									#54
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

I don't care whether women change their names when they marry or not, but it really bugs me when they change it during our first date. And then they act like I'm a prik for getting it wrong!

	01-08-2003 14:35									#55
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote: Originally posted by Dissident If I'm going to be paying for the children, they are getting my name plane and simple.

But couldn't your wife say with equal validity: "If I'm going to be carrying them around in my womb for 9 months and have to have them slowly forced through my vagina for maybe 24 hours then they're damn well having my name."

To be honest, I think we've got it easier. I'd rather pay all the bills than have to give birth any day.
But I'd try and marry a gal with some earning power of her own anyway. A family relying on one source of income is a bit risky.

It's not an easy situation, though. Hyphenated names usually sound stupid (although not always) and the kids have to have sombody's last name.

	01-08-2003 18:43									#56
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

Why not split it, the male children get the man's last name, the female children get the woman's last name.

	01-08-2003 18:52									#57
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

:

some families do that.

	01-08-2003 19:18									#58
	Support Apolyton

I wouldn't push it, as I consider it her decision. It's just a guess, but if my gf and I get married, I bet she would take my name.

-Arrian

	01-08-2003 20:07									#59
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

In China, women retain their last names. Sometimes they'll get referred to as "X Tai Tai", where X is their husband's name, but on official forms they do not lose their last names.

I've known some men adopt the last names of their wives if the woman is the youngest in a family of only daughters. In this case, all children take the wife's name instead of the husband's. This is usually agreed upon by both the husband and the wife's family.

My own mother and father are an example of this. My father has a very Chinese sounding last name and my mother... well, let's say she gave me the very Western sounding name I have now.

	01-08-2003 20:13									#60
	Tired of ads?

I'd like my wife to take my name, but wouldn't force her. I'd never give away my last name and want my kids to go by it, too. Practically as Diss said.

It's a little bigoted thing to say "how can she be your wife if she doesn't accept our cultural standards?". Standards are changing and emancipation, as silly the abominations that have come out of it are, is nowadays a part of our heritage in the west. Grow up.