16-08-2003 17:12									#1
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So?

I can´t remember them all, but one of the greatest for me was "the funniest joke" used as a weapon in WWII

"All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital."

	16-08-2003 17:17									#2
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The mountaineer with double vision who wanted to climb the twin peaks of Everest

	16-08-2003 17:36									#3
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There's some many it's impossible to choose. Homicidal barber, argument clinic, the parrot, All-England summarising Proust contest...

Was the mountaineer sketch the one where a man was climbing on some street as a reporter interviewed him? That was hilarious!

	16-08-2003 18:35									#4
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The Crimson Permanent Assurance!

	16-08-2003 18:36									#5
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Spanish Inquisition was excellent too

	16-08-2003 19:35									#6
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The Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things.

	16-08-2003 19:46									#7
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Pavement climbing
Novel writing..
Logic versus sex
chateaux de ...

http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/monty.html

	16-08-2003 20:22									#8
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Advertising agency...

"And here you changed the name of 'Conquistador Instant Coffee' to 'Conquistador Instant Leprosy.' Why, Frog?"

"S. Frog, sir."

"Shut up."

Cheese shop!

"Yes, we do have Camembert, sir."

"Ah, excellent. Bring forth the fromage de la belle France posthaste."

"It's a bit runny, sir."

"Oh, that's okay, I like it runny."

"I think it's a bit runnier than you'd like."

"I don't care how ****ing runny it is, go get me the cheese."

"Oh, the cat's eaten it!"

And, of course, The Argument Clinic! My brother and I did that one in a high school talent show. Quite a hit!

	16-08-2003 20:43									#9
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What's the name of the "heyhey, nutchnutch" sketch? That one was great. Also loved the Disabled Olympics, philosophers soccer finals and the princess with the wooden teeth!

	17-08-2003 01:05									#10
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Cheese shop was great.

So was
Pepperpot #1: What do ya have there?
Pepperpot #2: It's a piston engine.
Pepperpot #1: How do you cook it.
Pepperpot #2: You don't cook a piston engine.
Pepperpot #1: I wouldn't fancy eating that raw!

	17-08-2003 01:47									#11
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"What's that on the television?"
"Looks like a penguin!"
"What's it doing there?!"
"Standing!"
"I can see that! I meant where did it come from?"
"Probably the Antarctic!"

	17-08-2003 03:19									#12
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Dead Parrot.

Honorable mention to the Chasm of Doom in The Holy Grail: "What is the air speed/wingspan ratio of a sparrow?" "What? An English sparrow or an African sparrow?" "Gee, I dunno. [BOOM] AaahhhhhHhhHhhHh!"

	17-08-2003 04:16									#13
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There's the hide and seek olympic tournament. The british navy expedition to find a lake in someone's basement.

And the meaning of life IMO is highly under appriceated.

The first birth scene. The school sex education scene. The army scenes.

(from memory)

"Well my plan is to march back and forth accross this square. Is there anyone of you rookie maggots who has something better to do? Maybe someone has a more important issue he'd like to take care of?"

"Ahm... well... I have some tuba lessons I would like to practice, Sir"

"Really? And you would rather practice on your tuba, than march back and forth on this square with me?"

"Ahm... well... yes, Sir"

"Really? We'll go on then!"

"Sir?"

"Go! Now! Out of my sight! Go practice your tuba!"

	17-08-2003 04:48									#14
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Self-defence against fresh fruit.

	17-08-2003 04:57									#15
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Not necessarily my fave, but this has been in my mind lately:

"Hello, Mrs. Premise!"

"Oh, hello Mrs. Conclusion! Busy day?"

"I just spent 4 hours burying the cat."

"4 hours to bury a cat!?"

"Yes, he wouldn't keep still: wrigglin' about, 'owlin'..."

"Oh, it's not dead then."

"Oh no, no, but as we're goin' away for a fortnight I thought I'd better bury it just to be on the safe side."

"Quite right. You don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat, do you?"

"Yes..."

"We've decided to have the budgie put down."

"Ooh, is he very old then?"

"No, we just don't like it."

"How do they put budgies down?"

"Well, it's funny you should ask that. I've been reading a great big book on "How to Put Your Budgie Down", and evidentally you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them dead just above the beak."

"Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo."

"Ooh, that's dangerous! 'Cause they breed in the sewers. And eventually you get huge, evil smelling flocks of soiled budgies flying out of people's lavatories infringing their personal freedom."

	17-08-2003 05:28									#16
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German version of the lumberjack

	17-08-2003 05:59									#17
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Bruce's philosopher drinking song.

	17-08-2003 14:44									#18
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There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
about the raising of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

The constitutional peasant scene from Holy Grail and the Latin lesson in Life of Brian are my favorite movie scenes BTW.

	18-08-2003 14:22									#19
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OH yes

How I laughed and laughed about the constitutional peasant


Of course, the "swedish moose" thing is rather good as well.

When I watched it in the cinema, the entire crowd was going wild, even before the movie started.

	18-08-2003 14:54									#20
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In life of brian when brian talks from his home to a huge crowd that think he's the messiah:

Brian: You're all different!
Crowd: Yes, we're all different!
Brian: You're all individuals!
Crowd: Yes we are all individuals
Man in crowd: I'm not!

... or something like that.

	18-08-2003 14:54									#21
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and it's not a good thing to make jokes about the swedish moose. Moose bites can be very dangerous you know...

	18-08-2003 14:59									#22
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fish slapping dance ... :d

	18-08-2003 15:43									#23
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hehe the cat one made me laugh.

	18-08-2003 16:03									#24
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"she turned me into a mute..."
"???"
"well..., Igot betta.."

	18-08-2003 16:55									#25
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"It's just a fleshwound"

	19-08-2003 01:02									#26
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For some reason, I like the knight who say "Ni", in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

I don't know why...they just crack me up.

Asmodean

	19-08-2003 01:08									#27
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Constitutional peasant!

	19-08-2003 01:13									#28
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Soooo many good ones. But I have to go with...The Hungarian Phrasebook. "My nipples explode with delight!"

	19-08-2003 01:21									#29
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"Oh, arguments is down the hall, this is abuse!"

-Arrian (who can't be arsed to reconstruct the scene itself, and hopes the last line will do)

	19-08-2003 01:26									#30
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For me it's a tie between the dead parrot and the cheese shop.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Customer: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.