note: This is The Column, a part of Apolyton where primarily Markos and Dan write whatever we want :). Well, not just the two of us. The Column is open to everyone. If you feel like writing submit your article to civ2@gamestats.com

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#25 WHY I DON'T LIKE SCENARIOS A man whose eyes have seen lots of files in the last two months, proposes a different style of scenarios. #26 STILL SOME LIFE IN THE GAME... A story showing the greatness of civ... COLUMN ARCHIVE

Ever read something, on paper or online, and wonder just what the heck they were really saying? Are you worried that the world is passing by us in such a blur that we neglect to find or take the time to read things over for the umpteenth time or 'think before we speak', as the case may be?

This prime source of human error touches every aspect of everyday life, and the computer industry is not immune. Although disputable, the earliest citing of such a comment could be traced way back to 1981 from the mouth of a young man in Richmond, VA: "640K [RAM] ought to be enough for anybody:". The oversight of this statement is off the scale.

Now, here are my favourites of 1998:

"It's important to us to have the deep pockets a large public offering would give us, in order to grow to the kind of full-scale company we want to be." Seth Warshavsky, a leading Internet pornographer, on efforts to take his Internet Entertainment Group public with an IPO, MSNBC (July)

To translate: "Hell, if I'm going to be labelled as a perverted, dispicable freak, I may as well be a' top o' the list." Look man, I really could have lived without listening to you flap your gums. Seriously. To put my sentiment mildly, get professional help... but pay for it yourself, hmmm 'k?

"We can use our unique respective strengths to go kick the s*** out of the beast from Redmond that wants to see us both dead." Marc Andreesen, head of Netscape, quoted in a meo from AOL chief Steve Case that surfaced in the Microsoft trial, INTER@ACTIVE WEEK (October)

So you have a grudge against Microsoft --- take a number. Are you saying they b**** you? If so, there's nothing we can do. You may as well have said "We all have to go sometime", for that's what this statement passes off to me as saying. Don't beat around the bush. Lesson learned, kids? Never say anything in an email you wouldn't want your mother to catch wind of.

"My job is not to compete with Microsoft. It's to lower the value of the operating-system market." Robert F. Young, chairman and CEO of Linux vendor Red Hat Software, NEW YORK TIMES (September)

So in other words, you've told us what? "If I have my way, the caliber of our computers' OS is going right down the drain." It's very easy to lose everything in the translation. Want my advice? Probably not, but here it is anyway just because I can: STEP 1: Get a dictionary. STEP 2: Hit yourself repeatedly with it until you see where you messed up.

"What the guy is supposed to do is feel uncomfortable and, when he has bugs, suspect the problem is DR-DOS and then go out and buy MS-DOS." Brad Silverberg, former Microsoft VP, in a 1992 e-mail about company-fabricated error messages in Windows 3.1 designed to scare off users of competing OS DR-DOS, RED HERRING ONLINE (August)

A bold statement on my part: I was speechless the first time I read this. It didn't come as a surprise, necessarily, but it's just too perfect an example of stupidity. How could you admit to this in writing? How fun is that? Wait, here's my consolation: my advice. If it's not too late, I recommend printing off as many copies of your resume as you can... trust me, you're gonna need it.

"There are few people in the U.S. Senate who are even computer literate. When you talk to your senator, start the fourth-grade level, because they just don't understand the eight grade." U.S. Senator Conrad Burns (R - Montana), ZDNN, "Lawmakers Push Crypto Bills" (June)

Not badly worded, actually. Straight to the point and not wishy-washy. Here's my interpretation of his statment: "I will insult anyone lacking the power to vote me out. Ho-ho." How sad. Stick to doing what you do best, Senator: absolutely nothing.

And that's what to look for between the lines... but for now, I'm all vented out.

The opinions expressed on this page do not necessarily reflect those of Apolyton CS or GameStats. They are just the personal opinions of the writer.