05-12-2003 14:18									#1
	hell, apparently, has frozen over. Put an end to popups!

i've just spent the last three hours talking to my ex amanda. catching up on things... i'm still shaking from the adrenaline rush... i thought she was gonna crucify me. it's been nearly four years since we've last spoken.

apparently she styles herself a monster. said one took her over... at any rate, i feel incredibly at peace, and yet on edge in a whole new direction. i've spent so long fearing our first contact since everything went pear shaped, that now that we've had a rather amicable conversation, i'm at a loss for what to do next.

there's no chance of us getting back together, and from what i've read, that's a good thing. i might be self biased, but that girl takes egocentrisim to f*cken trancendant levels.

has anyone else had a similar experience?

	05-12-2003 14:22									#2
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picture:

Attachment: amanda2.jpg
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	05-12-2003 14:23									#3
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picture #2:

Attachment: amanda3.jpg
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	05-12-2003 14:25									#4
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let it go, she's ugly, anyway.

yeah, right


seriously, if she's a shitty person, nothing matters.

	05-12-2003 14:27									#5
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yeah, i'd love to, but first i have to figure out if i can separate the concept of being in love with someone from her.

	05-12-2003 14:40									#6
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Azazel, answer only when you know what these things are like

apart from that: when hell freezes over = the call of ktulu. thank you.

	05-12-2003 14:41									#7
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she looks quite ready to bit. . . . err, nevermind. lol

actually, i think she's quite attractive, if a little scary/intimidating.

	05-12-2003 14:43									#8
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she's not ugly! a bit too much makeup, but that's another matter

	05-12-2003 14:44									#9
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it's the whole goth thing...

	05-12-2003 14:44									#10
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the eyebrows are a little too thin and fake looking for my taste, but she does have a beautiful facial structure

	05-12-2003 14:52									#11
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thank, guys... i'm trying to get over her, not fall even deeper for her.

	05-12-2003 14:53									#12
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is there a chance you might convert her from gothism to some less eerie deathmetalism or so?

	05-12-2003 14:56									#13
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none, whatsover. she's proud of becoming a monster....

	05-12-2003 14:58									#14
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so in all those 4 years you were still in love with her? does Tia know that?

must be another case of that "big love" thing. even when in happy relationships, guys tend to fall back to the "one and true love" they had in their teens or so. strange thing.

	05-12-2003 14:59									#15
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I wonder who it'll be for me, Kerstin or Inge or Anne...

	05-12-2003 15:04									#16
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wow bro, she's a shaker and a mover - in a rather morbid looking way.

Anyway, Goths are the most selfish breed out there; moreso even than that which they rise to counter. At least you stuck in her and not vice a versa!

...

	05-12-2003 15:05									#17
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quote: Originally posted by Ecthelion I wonder who it'll be for me, Kerstin or Inge or Anne...

OOOH SOMEONE CAN TALK TO GIRLY GIRLS NOW!! Where ya been?

	05-12-2003 15:06									#18
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what? the Inge story was at 16, Anne story at 17-19, Kerstin is now...

	05-12-2003 15:10									#19
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thanks, zyl. your words are quite comforting... i'm wondering... should i post the chat transcripts?

	05-12-2003 15:12									#20
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and ecthelion, why the hell would i care whether tiamat knows at this point? it was amanda breaking up with me that drove me in that direction. that one fcking event was what started, backed up by my piss poor choices, two and a half years of misery for me?

	05-12-2003 15:18									#21
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well you know bud I think the public route for those trranscripts are not the healthy way to go. Let people you at least somewhat know in on it if you so desire the discussion, but don't hang up on this unless it's strictly therapeutical - not out of spite and looking for outside disdain for the girl as comfort.

And as for the past two+ years; those are the past two+ years. Today and on is what counts (as trite as it sounds), and you have hotter, healthier prospects in your future if you only choose the relative outlook for happiness.

And net dating is a first charm!

	05-12-2003 15:23									#22
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more profound words have yet to be spoken. and this is strictly theraputical. she might have broken my heart, but it is ultimately a pattern she follows. what went on between me and tiamat was intentional deception. and i've got a much harder time swallowing that. give me a moment, and i'll prep them. i don't want her SN posted, in case something should happen....

	05-12-2003 15:32									#23
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my conversation with a monster, part one.

Attachment: my conversation with a monster, part one.doc
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Last edited by self biased on 05-12-2003 at 15:45

	05-12-2003 15:35									#24
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for some reason that file is giving my copy of microsoft word seizures or something. it won't open, it just keeps causing errors and restarting Word.

	05-12-2003 15:45									#25
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my conversation with a monster, part two.

Attachment: my conversation with a monster, part two.doc
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	05-12-2003 15:46									#26
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there... finished, and fixed the first.

	05-12-2003 15:48									#27
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ok wow she is not ugly but damn how can you live with someone that can make those kind of looks...kinda scary

	05-12-2003 15:51									#28
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pose #1 if i remember correctly is 'pensive.'

pose #2 is 'seductive.' she's got this almost angelic aura about her in person... whatever the case, she certainly is touched by something.

	05-12-2003 15:52									#29
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and zyl. it's six am, and on 'poly. i know most everyone that frequents here at this hour.

frankly, the varied perspectives should do me some good.

	05-12-2003 16:02									#30
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so... what's your analysis?