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East Street Trader
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London, United Kingdom
Jun 2000
time: 05:33
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I agree that what goes on between a man and a woman is fundamentally mysterious.
Long be it so.
And from the little bits that peek out from behind your studied superficiality, Horsie, I would not be surprised if Mrs Horse is not a rather happy lady. 
But she probably doesn't know it.
My puerile ponderings on the Mars/Venus thing have got this far. Men are fulfilled by domesticity, women are not. Put a man into a household which is broadly comfortable and the fact that there are some minor tensions and a bit of a rut won't bother him. He may be conscious that things are not perfect but he will work quietly away to improve what he can and tell himself that overall all is well. Meanwhile he will furnish out his rut very nicely with all the stuff he likes, computer games, hanging out with his sons and the odd barby with some cans of some foul lager or other.
A pig in clover. Settled and happy.
What of the female of the species? Well the basic difference is that the immediate state of her emotions, day by day, hour by hour, is what matters. Not whether, overall, she is well fixed.
Which gives a much greater significance to minor daily irritations and to ennui.
And this leads to my conclusion about initiative and surprise.
You mustn't let her emotional horizons be dominated by the minor irritations and ennui. So engineer some events. The emotional highs and lows which this brings about will counterbalance, or put into emotional perspective, the minor stuff born of domesticity.
So says Auntie EST.
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Carolus Rex
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Sweden
Jan 1970
time: 06:33
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quote:
Originally posted by Tiamat
I get irritated with my hubby about this sometimes but sometimes he's just a mindless git. For example for some reason he can't seem to find anything he's looking for even when it's in front of him in the frige or pantry. I think this is an inbred traight in all men.
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My girlfriend and I had a talk yesterday about why it seems that women always seem to note everything that needs to be done in a home while men never notice...
In a lot of couples we know, the women feel that they have an extra child (referring to their husband) to look after... They have to tell them to do everything that needs to be done (at home or regarding their children) or else it just won't happen (but they would all re-marry the same man if given the chance to re-live their lives)...
My girlfriend's hypothesis takes a, I guess, evolutionary starting point. Men hunted and brought home prey; women stayed in the cave (and its close surroundings) tendering the offspring and the cave.
Thousands of generations doing the same thing for tens of thousands of years have wired/conditioned us to behave like this. True or false, good or bad, I don't know...
My girlfriend works with children, has met a zillion couples, and asserts that it's almost always the case that women have this broader regard than men concerning children and home... She doesn't see it as a bad thing, though: men and women are complements...
Could also be that we see the same need, but have different priorities... "Tendering the garden or playing as the Turks in the WWII scenario?" Hm, tough choice...  
Carolus
Last edited by Carolus Rex on 20-01-2004 at 16:46
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The Mad Viking
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of the Great White North
Feb 2000
time: 05:33
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Bah! Horsie KNOWS that alot of people have this problem.
The whole "hunter-nestmaker" anthropological thing is old and irrelevant as well.
What matters is HOW BEST TO DEAL WITH IT!
Precious few useful tips.
Things I do-
(We both work full-time)
I make my own do-list, and leave it in a conspicuous place. Then I get definitive say in what I work on, and cannot be accused of not worrying about things domestic.
I make it clear in advance what recreational activities I am planning on. Watching football, shooting hoops, whatever, so that she can get used to the idea.
I react with annoyance when I am interrupted during such activities that were planned and announced in advance.
I have found that if my wife is doing or about to start some unpleasant task, this is when the nagging will occur. It simply drives her crazy if she is dusting and vacuuming and I am on the computer. Even if I was working earlier and she was reading. So I try to work when she works, as much as possible; and schedule rec time when she isn't.
I have made it clear that she can do a task the way she wants, or ask me to do it the way I want, but she cannot ask me to do it the way she wants. This caused some fireworks on occasion, and still needs the occasional reminder. But the logic is undeniable. I don't like a filthy bathroom, but I have no desire to clean it such that you can eat off the porcelain. If her standards are that high and she is unsatisfied with anything less, the reality is the cleaning is not for need but for her personal satisfaction. You go, girl.
It drives most women crazy to watch men vacuum, because they are relaxed and make vacuuming look easy. Women vacuum like they are running a marathon with a sixty pound backpack. It looks like they are trying to push the thing right through the floor. It doesn't make the carpet any cleaner....
I have made it clear that I would rather pull my own teeth than pull weeds from the garden. The things I despise doing I will not do. Conversely, the things my wife despises doing, I actually enjoy doing for her because I really don't mind and I know she hates it.
I make my sons do work and I pay them for it. This tends to annoy my wife at times. She does work the boys could do, and then gives them money for nothing. Recently, she has come around to my methods...
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:33
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quote:
Any suggestions on how to outwit the surveillance?
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AH, you screwed yourself from the get go, day 1... You, for some reason or another, pretended like you cared, made yourself available, or even - dare I say - willing!!!
You can't just change! Still, I get asked to things every now and then. We have specifc days to do chores. I always cook and do the dishes so I get out of a lot of things. As long as dinner is ready by 8pm I don't get bugged much.
I too have notived that women tend to have way more energy than men, and that can get really annoying.
One good way to avoid the "Honey, can you do me a favor" lure is to get stinking drunk. That way she knowns that even if you attempt to do the favor it will only be done as well a stumbling idiot could possibly hope to accomplish the task. After a few botched tries you will surely never be asked to do anything while drunk again. The trick from then on out is to maintain a balance between being drunk too much that she starts complaining and not drunk often enough that you find yourself at her becking call.
Wifey hardly ever keeps an eye on me because I am either a) cooking (and no, dear, you can't "help"), b) watching TV, or c) playing video games... not a whole lot to see. Yet, if she decides to come in to the office and start chatting with me when my whole game is going down the toilet I generally start to masterbate. This will either a) gross her out and make her leave, or b) get her hot and bother. Either one is good since with (a) you get to go back to your game or with (b) you get some nookie....
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20-01-2004 09:42
@ EST and MB
, that they sense you're suffering 
and arrive to help you out 
because you're their one and only 
.
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