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JohnT
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Capitalist
Mar 1999
time: 00:33
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"... explain to them what they're doing wrong and reason with them....Spanking does nothing but teach the kid that violence is the answer... blah, blah, blah."
Yeah, I used to be one of those too. "Oh, I'll NEVER spank my kids, that would be WRONG!!! I remember when my dad spanked me - I vowed that I would never do that to my kid, that I will treat them with love, respect, yadda yadda yadda."
So, whatcha gonna do in the following case:
Sophie walks in the room, reeking to high heaven because she had a diaper:
"Sophie, did you have a movement?"
"No."
"Sophie, tell me the truth: did you have a diaper?"
"No."
"Sophie, you're lying to us."
"No."
peering inside "Sophie, I can see it. Did you have a diaper?"
"No."
Oh, we didn't spank her of course - she's still too young for more than a swat on the bottom (something you don't want to do with a full diaper anyway), but the fact is that I have seen the future 'cause I remember the past: Even with all evidence to the contrary, even knowing that we know, children will still lie to us to avoid whatever it is they want to avoid (in this situation a diaper change). I did it, my daughter does it, I'm sure y'all did it too.
So, how does one reason with a creature that will knowingly deny mountains of evidence? Answer: you can't.
But any suggestions would be appreciated. 
So, all you parents out there: what was the biggest shift from the imaginary to the real that you experienced? Were you rabidly anti-TV... until you needed some peace and quiet to get some work done so you decided to turn on the cartoons? Were you virulently anti-spanking until you just had to get the message across? Were you an anti-Santa Nazi who now gets sad because your kids no longer believes?
This slice-of-life has been brought to you by the family Thornton. All rights reserved.
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Cruddy
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I'm speculating JohnT, but maybe, just maybe the reason she didn't want to admit to it was because she was afraid of an angry reaction.
Now, if your conscience is clear on that, fair enough. But too often I see parents in full screeching rage at their kids.
Scares the hell out of me, let alone the kids!
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The Mad Viking
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of the Great White North
Feb 2000
time: 05:33
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Small children are far more intelligent than adults tend to believe. We tend to base our idea of their intelligence on their vocal capabilities and their knowledge and experience, both of which they are lacking. As a result, we continually underestimate the sophisitication of their understanding, motivation and actions.
Sophie has yet to learn sarcasm. So she has no response better than no. Otherwise, she would probably say,
"No, doofus, somebody else had a crap, I'm just holding it for them."
Or, if she was not inclined to sarcasm, she might try,
"Of course I did, you dolt, we can both smell it, can't we. Why do you insist on trying to humiliate me with a series of rhetorical questions to point out what I already know. I'm just a two-year old. Crapping our pants is one the things we sometimes do. If you don't like it, you should have kept it in your pants."
Spanking your kid is giving in to your fear and frustration. It has only negative impact on the kid, and admits automatically that you are a failure. If you want your kid to be thoughtful, respectful and responsible, you cannot teach them this by being angry, violent, and reactive.
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Potassium
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Elephants of Mass Destruction
May 2003
time: 22:33
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quote:
Originally posted by The Mad Viking
Small children are far more intelligent than adults tend to believe.
*snip*
Spanking your kid is giving in to your fear and frustration. It has only negative impact on the kid, and admits automatically that you are a failure. If you want your kid to be thoughtful, respectful and responsible, you cannot teach them this by being angry, violent, and reactive. |
Finally, someone who agrees with what I've been telling my mom my entire life. I could carry on full conversations with adults at age 4, yet I still got treated like I just learned to speak the day before. It's annoyed the hell out of me.
And for seriously, spanking is not the way to go. Nor is hitting them at all, because after awhile, they're going to hit back. I have, on various occasions and after being slapped for something, come about thisclose to slapping my mom back. I can't bring myself to do it. But anyway.
If you want a kid to do something, reward them for positive behaviour. "If you do such and such, I'll give you a cookie/take you to the park/buy you a puppy." Worked wonders for me.
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CerberusIV
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Once they get a bit older denial works quite well - "Go to your room and stay there. No, you are not to switch the Playstation on." Half an hour of that is usually enough to make the point.
(No, I don't have children but I have seen this work enough times to know it can be effective)
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SpencerH
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Co-Ruler of my patch of land south of Birmingham Alabama
Feb 2002
time: 23:33
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quote:
Originally posted by The Mad Viking
Small children are far more intelligent than adults tend to believe. We tend to base our idea of their intelligence on their vocal capabilities and their knowledge and experience, both of which they are lacking. As a result, we continually underestimate the sophisitication of their understanding, motivation and actions.
Sophie has yet to learn sarcasm. So she has no response better than no. Otherwise, she would probably say,
"No, doofus, somebody else had a crap, I'm just holding it for them."
Or, if she was not inclined to sarcasm, she might try,
"Of course I did, you dolt, we can both smell it, can't we. Why do you insist on trying to humiliate me with a series of rhetorical questions to point out what I already know. I'm just a two-year old. Crapping our pants is one the things we sometimes do. If you don't like it, you should have kept it in your pants."
Spanking your kid is giving in to your fear and frustration. It has only negative impact on the kid, and admits automatically that you are a failure. If you want your kid to be thoughtful, respectful and responsible, you cannot teach them this by being angry, violent, and reactive. |
I agree, in general, but once in a while a (single) swat on the bum lets em know that its more serious than the normal stuff.
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21-01-2004 07:45
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