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Dr Strangelove
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Does she have chronic Depression or Borderline Personality Disorder? They're not the same you know. Unless she fully meets the criteria of the later I'd be reluctant to apply that label to her. If she does meet the criteria you should back off now and be thakful for having realized it in time.
If she truly has a depressive disorder then it may be the disorder doing the talking now. The question is can the disorder be allieviated? I've had a number of patients who I've treated successfully, and I've had others who didn't do very well. One of the key factors is whether or not the patient will work with me, which often means giving each medicine time to work, then giving an adequate report to me on how well the medication is working. After that the patient needs to trust me enough to allow me to adjust the dose or change medicines. Counselling is often quite usefull too, especially with respect to teaching the patient to recognize the symptoms of the disease and to acquire at least some measure of objectivity towards the disease.
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Guynemer
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quote:
Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
Does she have chronic Depression or Borderline Personality Disorder? They're not the same you know. Unless she fully meets the criteria of the later I'd be reluctant to apply that label to her. If she does meet the criteria you should back off now and be thakful for having realized it in time. |
My fiancee has chronic depression. My sister-in-law is the one who is Borderline.
quote:
If she truly has a depressive disorder then it may be the disorder doing the talking now. The question is can the disorder be allieviated? I've had a number of patients who I've treated successfully, and I've had others who didn't do very well. One of the key factors is whether or not the patient will work with me, which often means giving each medicine time to work, then giving an adequate report to me on how well the medication is working. After that the patient needs to trust me enough to allow me to adjust the dose or change medicines. Counselling is often quite usefull too, especially with respect to teaching the patient to recognize the symptoms of the disease and to acquire at least some measure of objectivity towards the disease. |
She doesn't have a counsellor. She's tried Elavil, Wellbutrin, Paxil, and Effexor to various effect. On Effexor now. The idea that perhaps the depression is taking control, coupled with all the stress, has been advanced to her by a few people--me, her parents, the therapist we saw yesterday, and I imagine her friends as well. She says she is feeling better now that she's said everything, and has made up her mind that it is over.
She's spending the weekend at her parents' house. I honestly don't know what to do with myself.
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Dr Strangelove
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quote:
Originally posted by Guynemer
My fiancee has chronic depression. My sister-in-law is the one who is Borderline.
She doesn't have a counsellor. She's tried Elavil, Wellbutrin, Paxil, and Effexor to various effect. On Effexor now. The idea that perhaps the depression is taking control, coupled with all the stress, has been advanced to her by a few people--me, her parents, the therapist we saw yesterday, and I imagine her friends as well. She says she is feeling better now that she's said everything, and has made up her mind that it is over.
She's spending the weekend at her parents' house. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. |
There appears to be a degree of overlap between depression and anxiety. It's possible that she has resolved her anxiety over the upcoming marriage by breaking it off. For her perhaps if marriage = anxiety, then no marriage = no anxiety.
I don't know if this is going to help you feel better, but perhaps you're better off without her. She sounds like she would probably have been a high maintenance relationship. Starting residency and attempting to manage a high maintenance relationship at the same time may not be a very good idea. Residency is going to suck up a huge part of your waking life, somewhere between 60 to 80+ hours/week. I think that if she had not terminated the affair now it's likely that it would have failed within a year or two. Come to think of it the marriages of medical residents have a very high rate of attrition anyway. From my own experience I can think of only one or two marriages among my resident cohort that survived.
The most important question here is how are you going to manage psychologically?
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Guynemer
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quote:
Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
The most important question here is how are you going to manage psychologically? |
Well, I don't drink, so that's out.
I guess I'll be forced to persue cheap sex with loose women.
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Guynemer
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Thank you Laz--a hearty guffaw was exactly what I needed. And you were kind enough to give me three, plus a handful of good chuckles.
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Dr Strangelove
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quote:
Originally posted by Guynemer
Well, I don't drink, so that's out.
I guess I'll be forced to persue cheap sex with loose women. |
Oh, you mean nurses.
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Sirotnikov
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<--- Yes, It's a "kitty" in a boot.
Feb 2000
time: 07:35
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Hey Man.
I was there. Not that I had a wedding planned, but my ex told me that phrase a week before our year together, having spent 4 hours choosing jewelry for her, which were lying in my pocket with the receipt as she said those words.
THen she sort of took it back and wanted to think about it for a while, but wouldn't explain to me what was wrong all that well.
Then she wanted to get back, but I felt I can't handle it anymore. Plus she had a short incognito with someone. It didn't bother me, but it started to when I honestly confronted myself on whether I want to go back in that relationship.
It was the 3rd time we had such a situation, and was the most serious one. For me it was 3 strikes and you're out. Plus I am sure that our relationship would have went downhill.
I was shatterred by this for the first period. Very. It took me by surprise. I began having my doubts some weeks before that, because she seemed distant, but then, in the last week she was ok and really excited, and I thought to myself "**** man, you're just paranoid. drop that defensive bullshit and give yourself in". I was in alright - for a bad punch.
I recovered from it having good friends and chatting with new girls (never seriously enough though, wasn't in the condition).
It happenned over half a year ago, but honestly, I feel that I only recently really accepted.
I miss our good times, but I'm aware that these couldn't come back, so I think I made a wise choise.
We're still trying to remain friends, though it's difficult. I felt uncomfortable when I began chatting up women and dated some girl. I felt somehow persued or evil eyed.
Now she dates another and sleeps with him. I felt wierd at first, and it was wierd seeing her with someone else, but I got used to it. He's a nice guy - could have even been my friend had I met him earlier.
So now I await the continuation of my service (moving to permanent unit) where I could find new girls.
Obviously nothing of this compares to your pain, having been together for 4 years and almost married. But I know how you feel and how much your heart bleeds and feels crushed.
You should confront her, and confront yourself and be honest - each of you should decide is he truely comitted to wanting this to work, and does he think it has a chance.
If you think her health problems may interfere with her good judgement, help her fix that, and be patient. But do be sure you want to spend time on it.
Much of the pain I felt went on exactly this - deciding I can't go on and sticking to it.
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03-04-2004 21:13
. Animal is a big 
too.
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