 |
| |
|
|
Guynemer
|
|
...**** **** ****ity ****.
That, my friends, is what my fiancee said to me yesterday. (not the "**** **** ****ity ****" bit... that was my internal reaction.)
I am... coping. Not terribly well, mind you, but coping.
She wants to see a counselor, which I have no objections to--anything to help salvage the relationship.
I have not spoken about this to anyone yet, save her parents; they have called and emailed, and are almost as stunned as I am.
There isn't anyone else. I almost wish there were; that would be a more fixable problem, I think.
Needless to say, we're both under an ungodly amount of stress. I just matched in Columbus, have to be there in three months. The wedding was originally scheduled to be in two months. My grandmother just left the hospital after a month of GI problems. My brother told me a couple weeks ago that he would not be in my wedding--his wife and the rest of my family have been feuding for about two years. From what I've heard, I think she has showed signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Regardless, no one has seen their two kids for over a year; my mom is devastated about that. My parents just moved three+ hours north of here, so I don't see them very much. Meanwhile, she has chronic depression, which hasn't responded super-well to various medications (which, naturally, lower her sex drive); she recently lost two family members who were very, very close to her; she's trying to figure out what sort of job or school she could do in Columbus IF she were to move with me (christ, it hurts to type that)... there's more, but I really can't stand to dwell on this anymore.
Despite all these stresses, she feels that the problem goes deeper than just being overwhelmed by everything. I certainly can't disagree; she feels what she feels, and I can't be angry at her for that.
****
I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. I have yet to talk to my parents about this; I've sort of been the stable person in the family, the "highlight" I guess, becoming a doctor and all, since this whole thing with my sister-in-law started. Nearly all of our conversations in recent times revolve around how excited she is for the wedding, and how awful she feels about my brother. Plus now she's worried about her mother's health. I have no idea what this news is going to do to her. But I don't know how long I can keep this from her and my father.
I just realized this post has no definable organizational structure or anything. Sorry about that.
And if I'm cranky and cruel and high-strung with any of you guys (moreso than usual, anyway), I apologize. I... well, I got a lot on my mind.
Thanks for letting me rant.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Guynemer
|
|
quote:
It's good that she's being honest with you. |
I agree. She said this has only occurred to her within the past week or two; much better this is out in the open quickly, as opposed to letting it grow beyond all help.
And she brought it all up, including counseling. So there is a large part of her, at least, that wants to try to save this. There is reason for optimism. But that doesn't mean my soul hasn't been crushed and ground into the dirt and generally pummeled beyond recognition.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Guynemer
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by SlowwHand
Do counceling if she's worth it to you. |
Damned well better believe it. It may be cliche, but she is the best thing that has even happened to me.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
JimmyCracksCorn
|
|
Macedonia - Sovereign country north of Greece.
Dec 2002
time: 05:35
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Guynemer
...**** **** ****ity ****.
That, my friends, is what my fiancee said to me yesterday. (not the "**** **** ****ity ****" bit... that was my internal reaction.)
I am... coping. Not terribly well, mind you, but coping.
She wants to see a counselor, which I have no objections to--anything to help salvage the relationship.
I have not spoken about this to anyone yet, save her parents; they have called and emailed, and are almost as stunned as I am.
There isn't anyone else. I almost wish there were; that would be a more fixable problem, I think.
Needless to say, we're both under an ungodly amount of stress. I just matched in Columbus, have to be there in three months. The wedding was originally scheduled to be in two months. My grandmother just left the hospital after a month of GI problems. My brother told me a couple weeks ago that he would not be in my wedding--his wife and the rest of my family have been feuding for about two years. From what I've heard, I think she has showed signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Regardless, no one has seen their two kids for over a year; my mom is devastated about that. My parents just moved three+ hours north of here, so I don't see them very much. Meanwhile, she has chronic depression, which hasn't responded super-well to various medications (which, naturally, lower her sex drive); she recently lost two family members who were very, very close to her; she's trying to figure out what sort of job or school she could do in Columbus IF she were to move with me (christ, it hurts to type that)... there's more, but I really can't stand to dwell on this anymore.
Despite all these stresses, she feels that the problem goes deeper than just being overwhelmed by everything. I certainly can't disagree; she feels what she feels, and I can't be angry at her for that.
****
I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. I have yet to talk to my parents about this; I've sort of been the stable person in the family, the "highlight" I guess, becoming a doctor and all, since this whole thing with my sister-in-law started. Nearly all of our conversations in recent times revolve around how excited she is for the wedding, and how awful she feels about my brother. Plus now she's worried about her mother's health. I have no idea what this news is going to do to her. But I don't know how long I can keep this from her and my father.
I just realized this post has no definable organizational structure or anything. Sorry about that.
And if I'm cranky and cruel and high-strung with any of you guys (moreso than usual, anyway), I apologize. I... well, I got a lot on my mind.
Thanks for letting me rant. |
See the councillor. every relationship is salvagable (well, almost).
But I think you need to find out what exactly is bothering her before you could have any hope of knowing the right things to say. From my experience, it takes a lot of prying to get girls to actually tell you whats wrong (if its to the point where she doesn't think she loves you anymore), and will often give a million other excuses like "its just me" or some dumb thing you said. You said that she said it went "deeper" than just the stresses. This kind of makes me think there's something she's not saying (obviously), but furthermore that its something she doesn't want to say.
And don't discount someone else being in the picture... not in the sense that she's cheating, but in the sense that there is someone else she may have "crushed on". I think alot of times girls who are depressed kind of think that their problems would be fixed if they were with someone else (even though thats obviously not true) so they are drawn to these guys and consequently fall out of love with you.
Just a hypothesis though, I'm sure there isn't anyone. But if there is... you better nip that in the bud while you still can.
Anyways, these situations suck more than anything (I know), but if you're careful you can get through it. Of course this is assuming that this girl is worth it and that you lvoe her.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
JimmyCracksCorn
|
|
Macedonia - Sovereign country north of Greece.
Dec 2002
time: 05:35
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Park Avenue
She's feckin someone else. Sorry. |
I suspect she at least has someone in mind as well, probably not cheating, but it may be her way of telling you she wants to see other people, on some level.
Which means there's still hope...
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
Yef
|
|
I think she doesn't want to get married.
If so, then its better to end it now.
It's not a good idea to marry someone that have doubts of the relationship so close to the wedding. She obviously have doubts, and you shouldn't try to share your live with someone that have doubts. Regrets can kill any relationship, and her doubts will eventually lead her into fantasizing how her life would have been with someone else, and this in turn will lead to regret, regret to unhappiness, and unhappiness to divorce. In short, you could be wasting your time, if stability its what you are looking for.
About her sincerity, don't be fooled. She is sincere, if she is, because it serves her. Everybody follows his/her own heart, and that only proves her doubts. She might be great, the best thing that ever happened to you, as you said, but she might not be the right thing for you. At least it appears she thinks you are not the right thing for her, and since love only works as a mutual feeling, then she might not be the right thing for you.
I know its hard to hear this things, but when it comes to love you better be as selfish as you can, or waste your life in relationships that will lead you nowhere.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Yef
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by dv8ed
Coming from the other side of it--most people, when really depressed, will start to feel this way even if they truly love the person they are with. There's often also a tendency to push the people who care about them away; if they no longer care about themselves, then being around people who do care about them hurts. It may well be linked to that, and have little to do with you. |
But then she is sick, and that's even a greater reason to walk away. I'd be glad to find this out before the wedding. After the wedding I would likely stick with her, despite that illness making both our lives unbearable.
|
|
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:35.
Apolyton Time is 00:35. |
top of page
|
| archivepost |
|
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
|
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
|
|
|
|
|
|
30-03-2004 01:24
.
Geez... At the very least you're finding out there's "a problem" before you get married.
|