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Thue
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Copenhagen, Denmark
Jan 1970
time: 06:36
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quote:
Originally posted by Tiamat
quote:
I made an elaborate list to her of things she had done that I would like an apology for before I would want to see her again. I had checked my version of the story with one of her best friends to make sure it was reasonable (it checked pretty well). |
And there we have it ladies and gentlemen, the crowning blow. HUGE MISTAKE! First and foremost never, ever make a list for a woman of her transgressions. Well you can but don't ever expect to have sex with her again.
quote:
She thought the list was was ridiculous
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Of course she did. No woman in their right mind wants a man to 1) tell her she's wrong 2) make a list of what she did wrong 3) show her on the list what she did wrong 4) check it with her friends cause you know they told her 5) reject her after she's gulped her pride
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Re 4): I explicitly told her friend that he could talk freely about it to her in the hope she would gain a better understanding. He is my friend too and a nice person, so I trusted his judgement.
Re 5): She didn't gulp enough pride for what she had done. Though I am pretty sure she thought she did with her understanding, and consequently feels treated unfairly.
Re 1), 2), 3):
I think what I haven't appreciated is how important it is for some people to not admit they are wrong. For me the the concept of fairness and the having the knowledge to correct my mistakes is more important than hiding my mistakes.
When I at the same time was willing to accept her apology that made it incomprehensible that she should not want to talk about it.
My letter was colored by the fact that I had already somewhat decided to reject her. The idea was for the letter to be 2-sided: On one hand to give her an opportunity to understand and apologise if she really wanted to, on the other hand to be strong enough to make her stay away if she said no.
It was really taking a lot of my energy to have her trying to become my "friend", and there were far to much bad luggage for me to want to have anything to do with her unless she commited to understanding what had happened.
But on reading your comments I see I made the list too long...
The second rejection had been a specific request for apology, which she did not want to make. But then she seemed convinced that I could not possibly mean she owed her an apology, so it may have been more fruitfull to repeat just that if I could live with just that apology (not sure).
I had really given her far, far to many opportunities to act wrongly and hurt me. All the while I made sure I did not act wrongly myself because I would have difficulty living with that. Every time I tried to talt to her I really didn't expect her to keep adding to the list when I didn't give her reason to.
As far as I can see some of the reasons for acting as she did was
[*] To convince herself I deserved it, so she could reject me.
[*] To make me act wrongly to give her reason to reject me.
[*] From her lack of understanding she though she was doing me favors when she was not. She seemed to think this gave her the right to act badly in other ways.
And now she is somewhat unable to let go of me because her bad behaviour gives me some power over her. (She does have a conscience though she tries to hide it). And I have the ability to let go of her because I feel I have acted somewhat correctly.
I would like to hear your comments Tiamat. But I don't really see how this can be resolved. She answered my last "stay away for at least a few years" with her own "stay away for ever".
Last edited by Thue on 08-05-2004 at 03:50
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lightblue
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L'Boro, UK
Oct 2001
time: 05:36
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I think I've gotten myself a good girlfriend wrt womanese, though after previous exposure to womanese I get confused sometimes.
Example 1:
We first meet, get along really well, have a bit of a dance and kiss. Ask her out for a meal later in the week, after which she says "You're a great guy, but I am laying off men for awhile". Now my previous experience said it translated to "I am letting you down softly, but no chance". 1 week later she calls me and we have been going out since...
Example 2:
I am out getting drunk with my crew mates, and on the way back i think it'd be a good idea to call in on her. I proceed then to pass out on her bed, meaning she has to sleep on the sofa. She wasn't very happy with me for obvious reasons... I grovelled some in the morning, but was prepared for at least a few days of being in the doghouse. She then calls me later that day to apologise for being angry at me 
As you can tell not all women are the same 
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Bosh
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Taehan Mingook
Jan 1970
time: 00:36
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About the whole thing about when you're allowed how say when someone else is cute, I've got an story along those lines. A while ago I was drinking too much at a bar, (lemon soju is evil evil evil) I tell my gf that one of the bartenders is cute (which she was, very very cute). My gf then goes up to her and says, "my friend thinks you cute and would like to talk to you," since she was being evil and wanted to put me in an akward situation I guess. Then, weeks later we were at the same bar and the cute bar girl comes over and remembers my names and starts flirting with me, I just loved the gf's facial expression just then. 
Hmmmmm, let me think of some examples of womanese:
My family's not ready to meet you yet They would run screaming at the look of you.
Do you have something to tell me? You're not fawning over me, fawn goddamit!
You've changed a lot since we met. You're whipped now, *****!
I want to have children with you! I've been drinking too much, haven't I?
I loooooooooooooove you. That was a remarkably good orgasm.
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quote:
Originally posted by Tiamat
That ones easy....double standard. It's ok for us to do it but you'd better not. Besides 9 times out of 10 no man is going to feel threatned if some guy walks by and their girl says oh he's cute. You guys just blow that off but we.....well we immediately look her up and down and start to pick apart what you think is cute and why we don't look like that and then we go into complete dementia and think that you want to sleep with her in about 3.5 seconds. |
You didn't answer the question at all...
He asked why are girls offended while guys aren't, and you replied that's because guys don't get offended and girls do...
Honestly do you have an explanation?
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08-05-2004 03:08
Tiamat is spot on on the meaning she gave it. 
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