07-05-2004 20:02									#1
	Womaneeze Full PM-box? Change here!

In your quest to decifer the many mysteries of women's language, here are few helpful hints for you men out there. Committ them to the computer chip that is your brain becuase one day........trust me you will need them! If I've left out any please feel free to add.


FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

	07-05-2004 20:24									#2
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I have sometimes wondered what it would mean if a woman were to say SORRY.

But I guess that is something I will never get to find out.

Probably just as well.

	07-05-2004 20:26									#3
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Does this dress make me look fat?

The only possible answer to this question is, of course, "No, that dress does not make you look fat.

	07-05-2004 20:27									#4
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Translate:

Does this make me look fat?

I think of you as a friend.

	07-05-2004 20:27									#5
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

Nice one Che! And he's right.

	07-05-2004 20:30									#6
	Got spare money?

He is right. It's her giant ass and beer gut that make her look fat.

EDIT: But she's still b-e-a-utiful to me...

	07-05-2004 20:31									#7
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TEF, some things are better left unstated.

	07-05-2004 20:40									#8
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Like those italics, Che. If you want to live long.

	07-05-2004 20:43									#9
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Tia,

I'm not sure about your last statement. Saying a single word, and meaning was the word means isn't womaneeze. Nor maneeze (well, sometimes, if the word is "se*", "TV", "se*", or "car"). It's superhuman.

	07-05-2004 20:54									#10
	Re: Womaneeze Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by Tiamat FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

I disagree with this one somewhat. The first part is correct, but if she gives you five more minutes, it often means you've got about 3 seconds to do what whatever it is that she wants done. Five actual minutes is already too late. Way too late.

	07-05-2004 21:00									#11
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There are five minutes and five minutes.

Five game watching minutes are just one hell of a lot shorter than five "he expects me to do everything" minutes.

	07-05-2004 21:00									#12
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Sounds like a man with experience.

	07-05-2004 21:06									#13
	Remove this text

The language of "she who must be pleased".

	07-05-2004 21:17									#14
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

@ thread.

	07-05-2004 21:22									#15
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Woman's question:

WHAT DO YOU THINK

Male Translation:

Have you been listening to me? You better say something that is on topic and in agreement with what I just said for the last two hours.

	07-05-2004 21:29									#16
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I hope this is on topic: what does a woman mean when she says something like "you are so sweet, I wish my boyfriend were more like you!"?

	07-05-2004 21:31									#17
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Unnecessary words in the female language.

'Can' and 'Will' when used with the word 'you'.

I.e. 'Can you' get that.............. Or 'Will you' pick up..... etc.

There is no implied interest in your desire to comply. Compliance is expected.

	07-05-2004 21:32									#18
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That means while she thinks your sweet, you don't have a chance in hell because chances are her boyfriend is the "bad boy" type and even though he's a bit of an ass and your sweet he just has that unexplainable something.


Rah! Spot on.

	07-05-2004 21:34									#19
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quote: Originally posted by Shogun Gunner Woman's question: WHAT DO YOU THINK Male Translation: Have you been listening to me? You better say something that is on topic and in agreement with what I just said for the last two hours.

By George I think he's got it. And you'd should at least be able to know what the topic is she's been talking about or your screwed.

	07-05-2004 21:35									#20
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat That means while she thinks your sweet, you don't have a chance in hell because chances are her boyfriend is the "bad boy" type and even though he's a bit of an ass and your sweet he just has that unexplainable something.

thanks.

	07-05-2004 21:43									#21
	Got spare money?

Sorry Didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just tend not to mence words.

	07-05-2004 21:45									#22
	Increase Your PM Length

As Jeff Foxworthy said (and I'm paraphrasing)

"One night my wife says to me 'I'm hot'. And I closed my book, got outta bed, walked over to the thermostat to turn it down, and I was almost back to the bed when I went 'wooooah...I wasn't hot'"

	07-05-2004 21:49									#23
	Put an end to popups!

You know, if we were in a Theocracy, or the Middle Ages, or in a tribal culture in Africa or the South Pacific, we wouldn't have to worry about this sort of thing...our wives would be our property.

Here's calling for a return to the good ol' days!

	07-05-2004 21:51									#24
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@Thread.

	07-05-2004 21:52									#25
	Get a bigger avatar today!

quote: Originally posted by Azazel @Thread.

Then why do you continue to look and post? Just drive right on by and don't stop.

	07-05-2004 21:56									#26
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The three words all men long to hear from a woman.

"I was wrong".

	07-05-2004 22:02									#27
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Why don't you have sex with me anymore?

translation: Am I THAT fat already? Shouldnt' I eat 5 gallons of ice cream every day? Or do you have another woman? Was I really that nagging all the time, I though you liked me being like that all the time day and night? Well if you decide to be like that, I just go to sleep with young men because I'm dirty like that cheating on you and I keep nagging to him too until he doesn't want to have sex with me either and there yo go! That's OKAY! FINE!

	07-05-2004 22:03									#28
	Remove this text

Good thread.

One for Tia on how the male brain works.

Attachment: translation.jpg
This has been downloaded 109 time(s).

	07-05-2004 22:11									#29
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quote: Originally posted by Agathon The three words all men long to hear from a woman. "I was wrong".

We do say that....... I was wrong to think you would actually get it done


@ Alva! My husband refers to it as selective hearing and it gets worse everyday.

	07-05-2004 22:22									#30
	Inflate your Upload Space

Things men would like to hear:

1) I’ll swallow it all... I love the taste of ***.
2) Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
3) I’m bored. Let’s shave my *****!
4) Shouldn’t you be down the pub with your mates?
5) That fart was great! Do another one!
6) I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.
7) You’re so sexy with a hangover.
8) I’d rather go and play Virtual Fighter than go shopping.
9) Let’s start subscribing to Penthouse.
10) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?
11) Just for a change can we try anal sex tonight?
12) I really like football, can you take me to a game.
13) you’d better drive, you’re far safer than I am, and besides
everyone knows women can’t drive
14) Actually we shouldn’t have been given the vote, we’re better off
in the kitchen.
15) I think a big motorbike is a good idea.
16) I don’t care if my bum looks big in this, let’s just go and get
pissed
17) We haven’t gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go
to Stringfellows.
18) Why can’t you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers
with me.
19) I know you’re already late for work, but can I gag on it just
one more time
20) Aim where you like, it’s really good for my skin

8 and 16 are my favourites.