19-05-2004 11:20									#91
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun But does it matter what gender of a person we are asking for an opinion from? Just because a woman might think there is nothing wrong with the demeaning remarks, does that make it ok? For example -- there are blacks who think segregation is ok because they do not want to have anything to do with white people. Would that make segregation ok?

yes it does in certain cases. Although in a public forum where more than 1 woman can see the words, then no, it is not okay.

But if you are in a private conversation with a woman who does not mind, then I see no problem with it. Like I said above, I'm scared to death of saying the wrong thing around women. But there is this one women at work who talks dirty around me. So I'm less afraid of saying bad things around her. And I have said naughty things around her.

	19-05-2004 11:21									#92
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Well, yes . . . . it certainly depends on the context or situation.

	19-05-2004 11:24									#93
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although I feel we may be talking about 2 different things here.

I'm mainly talking about bad language. I would never tell a woman she's a... well I was going to post something, but I could never post such a thing. But I don't even call women the b word (I do use the word, but in a different context). Even when that word was popular in the gangsta rap phase in the early 90's. And I never call a woman the C word.

And while I feel it is important for the family structure for one person to stay at home with the kids, I by no means expext women to be forced to do it. But they really should look at the evidence.

I'm still curious what you find demeaning.

Last edited by Dis on 19-05-2004 at 11:31

	19-05-2004 11:43									#94
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To paraphrase Homer Simpson:

"Women- the cause of, and solution to, all the world's problems."

	19-05-2004 11:44									#95
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beer

	19-05-2004 11:48									#96
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in any case. I apologize if any of my posts seem anti-women.

I really do think women are special. I can see that everyday. I just want to be a part of that.

I try not to be bitter, but that doesn't work sometimes.

	19-05-2004 11:48									#97
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this thread may be closed now

	19-05-2004 12:31									#98
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quote: Originally posted by Urban Ranger Since men were and still are in power, most problems are caused by men.

Trojan War?
Women don't have to be in power to cause problems.

	19-05-2004 14:51									#99
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quote: Originally posted by HongHu I mean WTF?

That's bad influence for your kid.

You've been around Spamski and DrSpam for way too long

	19-05-2004 14:52									#100
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quote: Originally posted by Vince278 Trojan War? Women don't have to be in power to cause problems.

The people who caused the Trojan war were the men who took Helen away, and to a lesser degree, the men who fought to take her back.

	19-05-2004 16:41									#101
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quote: Originally posted by Dissident if women weren't always attracted to criminals and evil men, there would be no problem. Anyways this was my thought during my vision quest whatcha think? maybe I'm just jealous. I hate it when women swoon after criminals and bad men. Even serial killers get more ***** than I do. Women continuously continue to stay with men that beat the **** out of them. I'll never understand that one.

Dude, you should have taken copious quantities of hallucinogenic drugs and a couple of girls along for the ride on your vision quest. Then you might have gotten laid instead of paranoid. Let's face facts. For guys that look like you and me, hallucinogens are the sh!t. Let's take a look at a vision quest I had a few years ago....

Girl: Wow, these drugs are strong! You look like a red hippomapottamus with a bad haircut!

Me: Crap, the drugs are wearing off! Hey babe, how would you like some more of the magic Koolaid?

	19-05-2004 16:41									#102
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quote: Originally posted by Gibsie What I love most about so-called "nice guys" is how they expect the really hot girls to fall for them, without considering going out with anyone less pretty than, say, Katie Holmes.

I'd do her (slightly) uglier twin sister if I was drunk.

	19-05-2004 16:47									#103
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quote: Originally posted by chegitz guevara Because of human psychology. Abuse puts the absuer in the position of parent/authority, and the absued into the position of child. Many of the abused have a psychological need to please the abuser, to try and earn love.

There is a strong pull from both parties for the abuse, as they both equate it with love at some basic level. I've had women who were used to dating abusers try to provoke me, and refusing to have anything to do with it sometimes caused violent reactions in them. It's definitely a two-way street, and assuming that it is always entirely the problem of the whomever was the most violent (or at least the person who got arrested) ensures that it won't be solved.

	19-05-2004 16:49									#104
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quote: Originally posted by Urban Ranger The people who caused the Trojan war were the men who took Helen away, and to a lesser degree, the men who fought to take her back.

At least they died for a good cause! Reproductive rights and protection from sexually transmitted disease are worth fighting for.

	19-05-2004 18:16									#105
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huh? what did that have anything to do with it?

	19-05-2004 18:48									#106
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This thread is for discover girls in Apolyton? I thought that was an extinct race!

	19-05-2004 19:18									#107
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Extinct no. Endangered maybe.

quote: Originally posted by Urban Ranger That's bad influence for your kid. You've been around Spamski and DrSpam for way too long

If you want to talk like a guy, you got to talk like a guy.

	19-05-2004 19:41									#108
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quote: Originally posted by jomateix This thread is for discover girls in Apolyton? I thought that was an extinct race!

We do still exsist here from time to time. And to Mr. Fun's point if what I said early calssifies me as a femme nazi then pleh to them. As stated before, I would have loved to stay at home with my girls and not have had to work two jobs just to keep my head above water, but I had no choice. And I am a firm believer that if their father had been involved in their life at all things would be so much different for them.

They suffered not having me there, having me always be tired and worn out, having me come home from one job throw dinner on the table, give instructions for the night and then leave again all to support them because I had a husband that couldn't see past the nose on the end of his face. He chose to be pissed off at me and not pay child support to get at me when the reality was he didn't get at me he got at his children. In the end they suffered the most from lack of time with the only parent who was their for them, lack of money to do the basic things they wanted to do and most of all lack of support from a male role model.

I told him years ago that if he didn't start on some level, any level to be in their lives that when they got old enough they would turn a cold heart to him and it has come to pass. I'm a bit different in how I raised my girls instead of being the bitter ex-wife I chose to always not say anything when the subject of their father came up. I always thought it should be their choice to make their decision on how to feel about him. Not some misplaced left over anger from me, but for them to search their hearts and make up their own mind, unfortunatly for him they have which leaves him not knowing his new grandaughter or anything else that's going on in their lives. But that was his choice.

	19-05-2004 20:10									#109
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Tiamat Very unfortunate for your children, some people really do not see the whole picture do they? This dude hurt his kids, hurt you and hurt himself. Bonehead comes to mind if I may be so bold. I sincerely hope the scars of what he did did not blemish your children's outlook at life and marrage. I also hope they do not feel guilty or responsible for his actions. I doubt it though because it certainly looks like you had all the bases covered and responded to them and their needs extremely well.

Good post for some to remember for sure, it takes time, usually a few years for separated parents to focus on their kids and not the past. It's human nature. If you stick it out, bite your tongue and do what is the most important thing, do what is the best interest for your kids... Everyone benefits, especially the kids.

You made some good choices and I applaud your efforts and integrity. If no one has said it before WELL DONE!

Not that it matters much any more as it sounds like the kids are all grown up. If you need any help with getting back pay for child support. Email me I may be able to help.

Last edited by blackice on 19-05-2004 at 20:15

	19-05-2004 20:19									#110
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Thank you. I made up my mind along time ago that it was their choice. Besides I already knew what an unmitigated a$$hole he was and that it wouldn't take long for them to figure it out. They've made phone contact with him but he talks only when it doesn't interfer with other things. My oldest daughter called him about 4 months ago and he told her I'm on the other line I'll call you back. Mind you she's calling him long distance and do you think he ever returned the call.....um no. She sat by the phone for 3 hours waiting.

And it's not them that feels responsible it's me. I'm the one that always has felt like crap because of the way he has treated them and it isn't just him this goes to his family as well. Over the years every time we moved or chaged numbers I always wrote his mother to inform them and him. When I got cancer I wrote and told them in case something went wrong.....nothing. And these are their grandparents. If you have children, stay in contact, be a parent because they didn't ask to be here you brought them here so you must stand responsible.

**steps off soapbox** ok. I'm done now.

	19-05-2004 20:26									#111
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Oh and as for the child support issue....well he didn't pay for ten years and seeing as how I'm a red head... I got pissed It's really amazing how quickly someone is willing to pay when you put their face, name and how much they owe on T.V.

	19-05-2004 20:57									#112
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Well I hope they give him a piece of their mind one day, he sounds like a non human to me. I mean these are his kids, part of him. One has to be pretty messed up not to want to care for your own.

quote: you have children, stay in contact, be a parent because they didn't ask to be here you brought them here so you must stand responsible.

Well said

quote: It's really amazing how quickly someone is willing to pay when you put their face, name and how much they owe on T.V.

Well done I hope it caused him great shame with his friends, co-workers, neighbors and family. I wonder how many know how he treated is kids all these years. I also have to wonder what his up bring was like, he truely sounds messed up.

	19-05-2004 21:01									#113
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat **steps off soapbox** ok. I'm done now.

The dragons are always welcomed to use the soap box whenever they want it.

	19-05-2004 21:21									#114
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quote: Well done I hope it caused him great shame with his friends, co-workers, neighbors and family. I wonder how many know how he treated is kids all these years. I also have to wonder what his up bring was like, he truely sounds messed up.

By the time I even had arrived at the court house for our 10:00 court time he had already paid $9,000.00 and was willing to hand me a check for the other $20,000 if I would just make it stop. So yeah......it worked

	19-05-2004 21:25									#115
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi That's an interesting stance. Most who find the remarks degrading also make a case against pornography.

Actually, a lot of modern feminists are pro-porn.

	19-05-2004 21:30									#116
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So in other words he had the cash all along. Has he gone for help for his problems yet? He should, it may make him a better person and by the sounds of it he still has room in the hearts of the kids for a trying come back.

Good job though money does not pay for the emotional crime of abandonment of your kids, but the kids and you deserve it none the less

	19-05-2004 21:34									#117
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I wonder if there's a business in shaming deadbeat parents into paying up?

	19-05-2004 21:41									#118
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chegitz guevara There are many.

	19-05-2004 22:10									#119
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat By the time I even had arrived at the court house for our 10:00 court time he had already paid $9,000.00 and was willing to hand me a check for the other $20,000 if I would just make it stop. So yeah......it worked

You know your stuff.

	19-05-2004 22:55									#120
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat I'm a bit different in how I raised my girls instead of being the bitter ex-wife I chose to always not say anything when the subject of their father came up. I always thought it should be their choice to make their decision on how to feel about him. Not some misplaced left over anger from me, but for them to search their hearts and make up their own mind, unfortunatly for him they have which leaves him not knowing his new grandaughter or anything else that's going on in their lives. But that was his choice.

I'm honestly touched by your posting. Your experiences, although clearly not pleasant, have made you stronger and wiser. I admire you for enduring and succeeding despite huge obstacles and little support.