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Spiffor
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CPA - Evil Clone brigade
Nov 2001
time: 06:37
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Speer:
Don't listen to MtG or JohnT too much. Girls have different expectations from person to person, and from subculture to subculture.
But they are right on at least one subject: girls don't want doormats.
Heck, imagine you having a gf, and wanting to be nice with her:
"AS: - so, do you want to go to the movies?
GF: - I don't know...
AS: - Do you want to go to the restaurant?
GF: - Well, what do you think?
AS: - I'd prefer the movies. Is there a film you'd wish to see?
GF: - You pick up, you're the one to choose".
You'll get bored of it pretty quickly. That's because a partner in a relationship is a person, not a shadow. No need to be a tyrannical *******, but it is absolutely needed that you give your input with women. And often, you'll be the one who'll make the decision in the end, based on you both's input.
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:37
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quote:
i dont understand. in essence, yall are telling me to not be nice. that cant be a better alternative... i have to be an arse like a british poster on here whose name rhymes with pink? really now? |
no, we're not telling you to be an arse.
we're telling you that as much as women like romance, they want a bit of fire, too.
they want to know that you have mettle in you, some confidence, because generally women seem to like a balanced mate.
quote:
Women ...prefer men who are decisive, confident in themselves and their tastes, and who can handle ALL of the small stuff and most of the big stuff. Like deciding where to go for dinner. Of course they want input and for you to listen to them, but even more importantly, they want the decision. |
i can't say i have too much experience in this outside of my own; i will concur, though. some of the biggest issues my gf and i have had to work through was the fact that often times, i seemed indecisive, a pushover. for instance, i'd always let her drive, no discussion; i'd go along with her choice of restaurants; i'd let her pick the movies we rented. this might seem "nice", or the "good" thing to do, but she started reading it as if she were being domineering, and as if i didn't care about her.
so al, if you're going to go that route, at least explain to her why: i let her drive because although i have a license, i really don't like driving, period (once she understood that, she was cool with driving, since she liked it...), that with restaurants unless i had a real hankering for somethign (which is rare) or a real opposition to it (which is also rare), i usually didn't mind where we went; and the movies, well, i like a lot of chick flicks.
but after discussing this, she understood when i was being indecisive, when i was being a pushover, and when i wasn't.
as far as to what you've also been doing-- putting them on a pedestal is also not a bad thing in and of itself. thinking them the most beautiful of god's creations is also not a bad thing.
the problem is that you can't do it all the time. they don't want you to do it all the time. putting them on a pedestal, well, girls like to be admired. but they don't tend to want to be a museum piece; they want to be touched, held; they don't want to be a cold statue (an anatomically and proportionally correct venus de milo...?) to be gazed and admired, but a flesh and blood woman. they might want to be venerated, but they also want you to be there for them when they're imperfect. if you know she can get a bit hubristic, call her on it lightheartedly. if she can get bossy, tease her about it when it's an appropriate time. letting her know gently that you can deal with her issues will help her know that you can be there for the big things: her childhood dog dying at a ripe age of 14, her cousins getting pregnant far too early, or other bigger things.
part of a relationship is knowing each other's faults, but loving and working with them too. putting her on a pedestal is to shirk away from them; and if you won't accept her faults, she won't know how to deal with yours.
Last edited by Q Cubed on 27-06-2004 at 22:23
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Albert Speer
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Puerile Polemic
Mar 1999
time: 00:37
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quote:
go to the library and check a book out that will teach you to be a man. |
i often read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and a whole ass load of books by Nietzsche.
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