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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:34
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quote:
The only problem is that you shouldn't expect a relationship between a man and a woman to be a trade, or a contract, or something like that. In a happy family both the man and the woman contributes and do their share, but that's not all. There are more to it that you don't know yet, and many of the other men who are complaining actually know about.
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Exactly what I would expect a woman to say.
"I want you to do it, because you want to do it..." to a man that means "she wants me to do it for her", but to her doesn't when IT DOES.
I agree that both sides need to pull their own weight, but a woman likes to make us think she does it out of the love for her man. Total lie, she does it to make us do something in return. Women play the whole "compromise and ***-for-tat" game, they just try to make us feel guilty at the same time while making it look like a "favor" instead of her task.
Instead of doing that, I help. If she's cooking dinner I'm all "can I help", usually the answer is no because I am a better cook and will end up kicking her out of the kitchen, and I won't do dishes after her because she somehow manages to use three pans, eight spatulas, and 16 cups to fry an egg.
We need to do the exchange system, else nothing will get done. Favors are what you do for some one beyond what "needs" to be done AND without being asked. Everything else is a chore, no matter how you try to mask with "If you love me you'd...."
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003
time: 23:34
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Really, if women are and act like men, would this thread be started? This thread was started as men complaining about how hard it is to understand and be understood by women.
There are three kinds of men out there. One kind of men complains about his SO, but still loves the fact that he is involved with his SO, even the fact that he is complaining.
Another kind of men is generally frustrated with women because he just couldn't get to know the one he is looking for. Is it because his own problems? Or the problems of the society? I'd say it's just he hasn't been lucky and he'll be in the first group given time.
Yet there is still another kind of men, who have had bad experiences with women. Some of them had lost hope and become bitter forever.
How much of these are related to problems of "Modern women"? I'd say very little. Women are women. No matter if we were in the cave time, or the 20s, 30s, or any other time. I never adovacate women should be treated like men. When everybody is the same, the world is going to be a very dull and boring place. Yes I work, and I don't wear much makeup, and I don't have many jewries. But I'm still very much a woman. I have my emotions, and my ways of looking at things that are different from men. And I'm proud of that. The relationship between men and women shouldn't be one of the oppressors and the slaves. It should be a relationship of respect and love. What's wrong with loving men and loving to do things for them, and loving to be loved by men and to be taken care by them?
Don't hold the false belief that it is the world of "the leader of femme domination club". It is sooo 2000. We are in 2004. The new agenda is women are women and men are men. The hate and fighting are in the trash. The love and understanding is what is fresh. Wake up and smell your coffee. It is a new era.
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Japher
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Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:34
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quote:
I'll use A single measuring cup to measure the dry ingredients and then the wet ingredients and rinse or wipe between measures |
Yup.
I also find it rather interesting how she uses measuring spoons. Personally, I never use measuring spoons when not baking (as it is really needed than), but she'll use all them to some how measure out 1 Tbs, 1 tsp, and 1/2 Tbs... just eyeball it!
Another reason I refuse to do some chores; it HAS to be done HER way. Laundry, my way; everything in, everything out. Her way; colors first (2 loads, no idea why), delicates, sheets and towels, and than whites. I'm all throw it all in and use a color safe bleach! She thinks that stuff doesn't work as well and you HAVE to do the whites last as the bleach will bleed into the next run. It amazes me that she still thinks that even though the last load we do is with bleach and the first load we do is without bleach and we have no running.
I stick with floors (I mop, vacuum, etc...), cooking, yard work, and anything requiring heavy lifting or the use of power tools.
She does the laundry since I've "messed-up" enough times to be too stupid to every figure out the intricacies of the wash, the bills since I hate writting checks, generally cleaning that I would never do any ways, gardening, and other stuff I never notice but seems to be a big deal for her.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003
time: 23:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Japher
I agree that both sides need to pull their own weight, but a woman likes to make us think she does it out of the love for her man. Total lie, she does it to make us do something in return. Women play the whole "compromise and ***-for-tat" game, they just try to make us feel guilty at the same time while making it look like a "favor" instead of her task.
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Dadada, we found another thing that men and women think differently. Do you want women to think the same as men do? If you do, ask pekka to give you a slap. If you don't, oh well, live with it. 
quote:
Instead of doing that, I help. If she's cooking dinner I'm all "can I help", usually the answer is no because I am a better cook and will end up kicking her out of the kitchen, and I won't do dishes after her because she somehow manages to use three pans, eight spatulas, and 16 cups to fry an egg.
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That's when you use the dish washer boy. How long will it take you to put all the stuff into the dish washer? If you want her to cook, then you have to accept the way she cooks. If you don't want the way she cooks, then you can cook yourself. Do you want her to cook the same way as you do? If yes, ask pekka to give you a slap. If you don't, oh well, live with it.
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We need to do the exchange system, else nothing will get done. Favors are what you do for some one beyond what "needs" to be done AND without being asked. Everything else is a chore, no matter how you try to mask with "If you love me you'd...." |
Sure it is a chore. This is life, buddy. If you don't want to do the chores for her, don't live with her and find the one that you would like to do chores for. If you just don't want to do any chores, oh well good luck maybe you can find somebody who would like to do all your chores for you. The worst case you can hire a housekeeper.
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Snowflake
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falling, once again
Apr 2003
time: 23:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Japher
Don't have a dishwasher at the moment.
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That's a tough one. You have to do it, but don't blame her, blame the fact that you don't have a dishwasher.  If this makes you feel better, I wash dishes with hands almost everyday. I actually enjoy doing it. A nice time to relax for me, actually.
quote:
that's the thing, I don't want her to cook. She wants to cook because she loves me, but than she wants me to do her dishes because I love her. If she really loved me SHE WOULDN'T COOK!@
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You really should talk it out with her then. If you cook better and you love to cook, then you can cook and she can do the dishes. But if you come home at 9pm everyday, I bet you don't want to cook right away, but I also bet you couldn't wait to eat your dinner. Hmmm. What a dilemma.
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You get home, it's 9pm and there she is sitting on the couch. You sit down and unwind and she wants you to vacuum!? There is a time and a place for everything, and weekends are to prepare the house for the week. |
I agree. We do vacumming in the weekends. But I have to vacuum the area where KoKo eats his food everyday. That's a managable task though. You guys just moved into a new house and you have more chores to do and haven't set up your routin yet. Some friction is to be expected. Just talk it out, it'll be ok. And set a day free of chores, go out and do something both of you can relax.
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rah
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Apolyton Prince of Moderators, Master of Reason
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Lord of the Ferrets
Jan 1970
time: 23:34
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I'll preface this one with, I'm not complaining about this one, but I still find it amusing.
When My daughter was 2, I used to drop her off at day care and my wife would pick her up.
My job moved locations and it became too difficult to drop her off. I agreed that if she did it, I would do the dishes to make up for it. We used to have the rule, whoever cooked the other did the dishes, and we split the cooking detail close to 50 50.
My daughter started going to school, and my wife did most of the schlepping and I continued to do the dishes.
Fine so far.
My daughter is now almost 17, has her own car and like most 17 year olds, tries to avoid her parents whenever possible.
I still do the dishes.  Tradition.
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10-08-2004 20:45
@Pekka
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