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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:16
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 Planet is truly a beautiful place |
In this issue:
*Citizens of Gaia's Landing marvel at alien technology
*Interview with Captain Laurentius
*Elections of 2107.
*In further developments of fungus as a food...
*Strange radiosignals being received all over Gaian Union
*Baby found in fungus: faction wonders what happened
*Literary section
*Quote of the day:
*Entertainment section
*Advertisement
*Other news in brief
*New: A contest!
*Hagar the Gaian
Citizens of Gaia's Landing marvel at alien technology!
As you many of you already know, some years ago, our scout patrol unit explored a Unity Pod signal in sector 26-75B northwest of Gaia's Landing. Unity Pod signal was a fake one, as Scout Patrol determined while exploring. Radiowaves were in fact emitted by ancient alien beaconing device. Upon further investigation, Scout Patrol ventured upon ancient robotic unit, codenamed BattleOgre. All research shows that it is most likely of extraterrestrial origin, since spectrographic analysis showed that BattleOgre alloys are partially composed from ununoctium isotopes, which has completely shocked the scientific community. "Ununoctium was element that scientist on Earth tried to create for decades, but they never managed to actually do it. Research on that was abandoned some time before the Six minute war. Ununoctium nucleus decays less than a millisecond after its formation by emitting an alpha-particle. This results in an isotope of element 116 (mass number 289, containing 116 protons and 173 neutrons). This isotope of element 116, is also radioactive and undergoes further alpha-decay processes to an isotope of element 114 and so on down to at least element 106. Despite that, BattleOgre survived for millions of years; team of xenoarcheologists has estimated age of 76.5 million years (based on radiometric age dating of part of the Ogre containing small amount of uranium) which means that it was left there in the time when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth! Unfortunately, as the secret of stabilizing ununoctium eludes us, we are going to be unable to replicate advanced technology of the BattleOgre, or even repair it. Commander of the Gaian Defense Forces Lord Darsnan, and Chairman of GAIA Lord Illuminatus said that Battle Ogre posses advanced weapon and armor systems, and is capable of selfsupport and control. After some years of exploration, BattleOgre has finally came to our capitol, where it will serve for defense and police duties. Rare drones in Gaia's Landing have already given up their rebellious thoughts after seeing the tremendous figure of the BattleOgre. This will also provide permanent security, since many still question how the colony pod Hope came to be destroyed by mindworms. Captain Laurentius has asked that the BattleOgre is renamed to Pegasus, and Lord Darsnan has granted him that favour.
On questions how Gaian Union gained control of the BattleOgre, Lord Illuminatus said that captain of the Scout Patrol team, Laurentius should have the honor of telling this. You can read the interview with Captain Laurentius below.
Interview with Captain Laurentius
It was a chilly tuesday evening turning into night. One of my intelligence officers was scanning the usual frequences because a small recon team of ours had gone missing or stealth mode few hours earlier during a routine operation of search for unity pods. The radio silence indicated that they had either found something, or were in trouble. Just after 3 am our scanners picked up a signal. It was unlike the ones we used and it was growing stronger all the time. We locate the source was now just over the hills about 2 clicks from us there were no signs of life on our radars and scanners, so we proceeded to the site. There it was, a colossal ancient vehicle. After securing the site I had some of my engineers to go look at the machine - they discovered its maneuvering system and cracked the security locks that had been automatically gone on, we were then able to transport the Ogre back to camp for further studies.
There the engineers were able to startup the vehicle, which seemed to be automated. We all took cover and targeted the Ogre, as we did not known if the vehicle will attack us. Soon the Ogre started to move and it scanned us. We were ready to defend, as pointless as it would be, but then we realised that the Ogre isn't hostile towards us! Soon it started to emit strange sounds, like an attempt to speak. We were unable to respond. Suddenly, I got an idea. We programmed our handheld computer and holoprojector to display parts of the Datalinks in front of the Ogre. For all we knew, Ogre could be a sentient being and it was our duty to make contact with him. After several hours Ogre has assimilated enough knowledge to speak to us. It seemed to be programmed to adapt to every new condition. The Ogre spoke: "BattleUnit 3456 ready for input of new orders." We are completely taken by surprise. The Ogre was basically offering itself to us! Also, the designation stirred many questions: were they really thousands of this units on Planet? In that case the faction that would seize most of them would be unstoppable. We started to ask questions to Ogre and we found out many things: it's makers left the planet a long time ago (his internal chronometer failed after first two milion years) after a long fight in which many of the Ogres were destroyed. The remaining ones were left and they went into a kind of "sleep" mode until new commanders came for them. It assumed that we are his new commanders. So far, Ogre posses intelligence and selfcontrol, but is not truly sentient and wishes only to serve us. It may be given complex orders and is fully inderstanding now that it is part of the Gaian Defense Forces of the Gaian Union. It was studied first naturally, and it is completely harmless - for us  .
 Why did I name it Pegasus? As you know I have been closely assosiated with the Cult of the Shrike as well as the Templar Brotherhood of Muir. The pegasus is one of the reincarnations of the Muir, the Shishigami, the giver and taker of life. In the cults mythology, which was mainly imported from old Earths Japan, the Shishigami was the gread of living on a small lake in the center of the forest, and every night when the moon light shined, it grew from its daily pegasus shape into a magnificent 50 metre high wandering spirit who was made of starstuff.
Elections of 2107.
Elections of 2107. Went as expected, with all officials being reelected with the exception of Lord Illuminatus that replaced Lord Obstructor. 67 percent of the Gaians voted on the two day elections, which is a significant increase compared to first elections. Next elections have been scheduled to early spring of year 2112. Lady Deirdre congratulated the winners on retaining their positions.
Baby found in fungus: faction wonders what happened
A infant has been found by a mindworm exploration division (MED). Chief empath, Lindly, describes the event: “As we [empath/mindworm in direct empathic connection decribe themselves as we] were mapping the fungus roads in sector 15-65K, we sensed weak emanations of a human consciousness. Knowing that there are not supposed to be any Gaians in vicinity we immediately rushed towards the source. We expected to see a scout of another faction that has survived Planetfall, perhaps injured after mindworm attack, but we soon sensed that something is wrong. Consciousness seemed so simple and fragile, yet tranquil even as it was in a middle of a vast fungal field, almost like a wild mindworm. Mindworm Promethea first sensed it was a child, when it telepathically asked me why would we leave human larvae in fungus. I was absolutely shocked when I realised what Promethea was telling me. At first I thought a group of colonists fell victim to mindworm attack and the infant survived, but I was amazed when we saw an infant, lying in fungus without any breathing mask! It is also unknown why child has not been harmed by native lifeforms, even as exact time of exposure to the native environment is unknown. Child was calm and infact we sensed happiness in it when the baby noticed Promethea. Promethea quickly rearranged herself to carry the baby towards the nearest base with utmost speed. We actually met a medical team 50 kilometres east from it which administered some help.”
Baby has been examined and DNA comparison has shown no match with any DNA of a Gaian, so we assume that baby derives from a splinter group of colonists. Area is patrolled in case someone comes in search for it, but its parents are most likely dead. Medical examination has shown that the baby is in perfect health and shows no traces of nitrogen narcosis! Child has already been adopted by a family whose identity has not been revealed.
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In further developments of fungus as a food...
Independent researcher Net Warrior has put forth a plan to the Gaian goverment for thirty-five credits a year to fund the development of a chemical solution that would be able to transform large blooms of fungus into pancakes. Net Warrior said that this was his way of paying back to the people, and that it would surely benefit everyone, since it is impossible not to love apple-fungus pancakes! Net Warrior is under investigation in a case of industrial espionage against Kell-G corporation, who developed many of the fungus processing techniques, including that of manufacturing the pancakes. No members of the Gaian council were available to comment on the possibility of funding being made available for Net Warrior's research, but they have said that this methods are not ecologically disruptive.
Strange radiosignals being received all over Gaian Union
Radioastronomers across Gaian Union claim to receive strange radio emissions from yet unidentified source on surface of one of the moons. Reports claim that pointing the telescopes directly into the Pholus moon increases the likelyhood of reception of this emissions. Gaian Lordship of Progress still has not confirmed or rejected claims that there is a human civilisation thriving on Pholus moon. This matter is under urgent investigation and Council of Lords is supposed to have an urgent session based on the full report of the Lordship of Progress that is currently being assembled. Until then, all rumours are to be considered false.
Literary section
Read the novelisation of the Pegasus finding by Captain Laurentius: Me, myself and Pegasus. Available in your bases now!
Read 101 Gardening Tips for Fungus by Smacksim
New! Lady Deirdre's Secret Lover (unauthorised fiction)
Old Gaian and the Sea by Earns T. Heamingwain
Be sure to get first edition of Encyclopedia Gaianica!
Book "How I survived the mindworm attack" - by Susan Dry, one of 26 survivors of the Hope massacre.
Quote of the day:
From the dust of the earth, from the common elementary fund, the
Creator has made Homo sapiens. From the same material he has made
every other creature, however noxious and insignificant to us. They
are earth-born companions and our fellow mortals. The fearfuly good,
the orthodox, of this laborious patch-work of modern civilization
cry Heresy on every one whose sympathies reach a single hairs breadth
beyond the boundary epidermis of our own species. Not content with
taking all of earth, they also claim the celestial country as the
only ones who possess the kind of souls for which that imponderable
empire was planned. -- John Muir
Entertainment section
Tonight on Green TV: Second part of legendary trilogy: Lord of the Trees: Tall Trees.
Green House: new series commenting on state of art in today's culture.
Travel series: Joan Attenbourghesky visits Great Fungal Wastes.
Artist show: Garland orchester plays the great works of W.A. Mozart.
Poetry hour: Edgar A. Poe William Wordsworth
Also new season of famous Forestwatch series.
Advertisement
Garland orchestra is looking for a flautist. Report to it in Central Alley 4.
Empath Guild offers new ways of relaxation to Gaians. Interested should come into Empath Guild Hall next Monday in early morning.
Architecture Centre opens competition for new pillar in Gaia's Landing - read details at guw.architecturecentre.org.
Want to be xenoarcheologist? Apply for study at Fallow Times Hall.
Botanist Garden prepares trip to seacoast - all interested please apply.
Buy Worm Loops! Extra special flavor, and each piece of cereal is formed like an authentic Gaian mindworm! Plus, check the back of the box for a special offer to purchase a plushie Gaian mindworm for only 3 credits! Also, check for the specially marked boxes of Worm Loops with Fungus! Try and find the mindworms buried in the replications of real fungal patches!
Check in the cereal area of your local distribution center!
*mindworms at the end of their lifecycles are used
Buy Wormies today
Other news in brief
-Third anniversary of tragic death of the crew of our third colony pod Hope memorated. Lady Deirdre vows for better understanding of native life to prevent such tragedies in the future.
-Gaians sight multiple snowflakes.
-Xenodoughnut farm finished, Lords wonder who gave the order for construction. Lord Octavian is reported missing since the opening of the xenodoughnut farm.
-Most Gaians visit the coast for relaxation, work pools drastically decreased.
-Ecological Malcontents movement stirs up more controversy
-Lord Hydro vanishes once again
-Cartoonist hit by lightning after finishing latest episode, divine intervention suspected
-Instead of article, Smacksim publishes a book, VotP office still requests promised material.
Contest!
Voice of the Planet Office has opened a contest! The person that correctly counts the number of legs of the elephant on the photo below and PMs the publisher shall win the contest. Be carefull, the task is not as simple as it seems
How many legs do you see?
Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Ouro_827, Smacksim and Net Warrior.
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever.
No Gaian life has been harmed, except the cartoonist who was struck by mysterious divine lightning, mostly due to fact that staff is still running naked through the trees (what stamina) and has not yet met the punishment for not submiting promised articles.
In next issue read: report of Templar order of Muir, story about training in Empath Guild, update on strange radiotransmissions, and story about empathically gifted child !
Gaia'sLandingMY2117.0403093418.tr55h.
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Hagar the Gaian*
in episode: Game rules
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 23-07-2004 at 21:55
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Hydro
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Winfield, IL, USA
Jun 1999
time: 05:16
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Sumission for the Voice of Planet
*!*!*!*
Ask Fluffy
Fluffy, the long-time companion of Lady Deirdre Skye, has been asked for his Planet-wise advice for years. Now this advice comes to you.
Dear Fluffy: I’ve hear the term ‘former rush’ for years and it’s been driving me crazy! What is a ‘former rush’, and how exactly does a former rush? This doesn’t make sense. Help! Signed – Very Confused
Dear VC – I can understand your confusion, and I’m here to help! First, let’s look at the origin of the words. ‘Former’ means one who makes or builds. Now, a rush is pliable reed that can be used to construct useful items like baskets or furniture. So, this means that a ‘former rush’ is a type of reed that is used by skilled artisans. Simple!
Dear Fluffy: I’m beside myself with worry. My 14 year old daughter Mally has been seeing this Morganite businessman who is at least 30 years older than her! He showers her with gifts and tells her she loves her and that she’s beautiful. She’s drifted away from me, and I think she may run away with Mr. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do! Help me Fluffy! Signed –Very Worried
Dear VW – I’m glad you came to me, and not a moment too soon. Your concern is real, and I can help. First, tell your daughter that you support her decision and want to help her in strengthen her love. To do that, send her to a guidance counselor – me. I’ll lay it on the line, and let her know what is really happening. Also, tell Mr. Wonderful that he needs to enhance his ‘performance’ by seeing a world famous Gaian Erotic Consultant – also me. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist. Have him meet me for lunch tomorrow. We’ll chat about life and procreation – mine, that is. I’ve been getting rather hungry lately and am willing to make the sacrifice for you, Ms. VW, even if Morganites leave a bad taste in my mouths.
Dear Fluffy: My boyfriend Marlo and I have a disagreement and we want you to resolve it for us. I think running naked through the trees should be done in the morning so the dew clings to your skin, creating a glistening ring of cool droplets that caress the body. It’s exhilarating! Marlo loves to run at twilight when the last of the sultry breezes waft through the trees, bringing sweet pine scents that have a certain…enhancing power. We just can’t decide. Help us Fluffy! Signed – Sarah and Marlo
Dear S&M – Wow, I can see your problem. Luckily the solution is simple – do both! Set aside time in the morning and evening. This way you both can enjoy the scintillating pleasures of the dawn and dusk.
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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:16
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   Hydro
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 Gaia shall be reborn in our actions. |
In this issue:
*Twentieth Anniversary of Planetfall celebrated
*Extremists make gains
*Wonder child Dawn
*Exclusive! Contact established with other survivors of Unity!
*Templar Order of Muir
*New native lifeform discovered!
*Quote of the day
*Entertainment
*Other news in brief:
*Literary section
*Ask Fluffy
*Contest
*Hagar the Gaian
Twentieth Anniversary of Planetfall celebrated
Following 20th anniversary of the Planetfall, parade of the Gaian Defense Forces was held in Gaia's Landing. Mindworms, spore launchers, unity rovers, scout patrols, and Pegasus, were all members of the parade. Althrough that was not the intention, it is clear that Gaian Union currently has a sufficient army at disposal for exploration and defense. Most of units have been redeployed to the north for exploration tasks afterwards.
Lady Deirdre Skye afterwards held a speech concerning the history of Gaian Union. She mentioned numerous achievements made in twenty years, and laid out future goals that include growth, exploration, expansion and progress. The fact that Gaian Union has done little to disrupt native life was also mentioned.
Lindly, the leader of Gaian Youth also held a speech that made several remarks on the fact that in those twenty years entire Planetborn generation grew up into Gaians. "Earth is no longer home but a distant legend to us, but also Chiron is no longer alien to us, but our true home."
Extremists make gains
Althrough Ecological Malcontents movement has been banned by Lord Illuminatus, their sympathisers make gains in politics. On last elections for the Council 68 Lords that sympathise with the movement have been elected, making the possiblity that ban is revoked a reality. Lady Deirdre and all members of the High Council have refused to comment this. Begining of political resurrection of this movement started a year ago. Is this just the begining?
Wonder child Dawn
Today we visited the home of the Dawn family that has recently became famous for its child, Cha Dawn. As you probably already know, at the age of three, Cha Dawn is simply amazing! He already can walk, speak and read, he has already learned all about lower class mathematics and history, and test show that he has IQ of 265 for his age. Medical examination has shown that Cha Dawn is physically developing about 25 percent faster then other children of his age. Dawn family is at the same time both happy and worried with this. "We do not know who his biological parents were - we adopted him three years ago. He is truly a wonder child." We watched Dawn as he looked at nearby mindworm, almost mesmerised. He is attracted by native life, according to his parents. Empath Guild is very interested in the child, hoping it will show additional telepathic potential. Dawn parents have forbidden us to talk with Cha Dawn, saying they are very proud with him, but they do not want him to be under constant media siege, ever since he publically demonstrated giving simple orders to Promthea mindworm three weeks ago. We may give you an update soon.
Exclusive! Contact established with other survivors of Unity!
It appears that the remaining bridge crew of the Unity landed on the nearby Moon of Pholus with a colony pod containing only 20 survivors. Colony survives on supplies of frozen water that have been found and experts believe that the colony is sustainable for several hundred years. It seems that captain died, but rest of the command crew remained alive, with First Officer Drogue now in command. Lady Deirdre and First Officer Drogue had a long conversation over the commlink, and result was mutual acknowledgment of each others legitimacy. Gaian Union shall be considered as an indenpendent and sovereign country, while Drogue's authority shall be acknowledged in special issues.
Pleads for assistance in technology, map information, energy and other kind were refused, claiming it would disrupt neutrality of the outpost. Planet Busting weapons were also mentioned, to the horror of Gaian Union. However three Pholus Lunar Newscasts have been transmitted to Gaian Union as part of information exchange. It was revealed that Kody is actually not a Gaian citizen, but member of the Outpost who faked his identity (he was seen only in media) using command protocols. This also explains why Kody misteriously disappeared 10 years ago just after Lord Illuminatus reformed information networks.
Member of the Outpost, Snowflake has recently started to encourage spam (Serious Pollution and Malignity) in Gaian Union and has been warned that this is breaking the section Prime-1.12 of the Gaian Constitution. It is still to see if the warn has any effects.
This solves the secret of mysterious radiotransmissions.
Templar Order of Muir
You are probably familiar of the Urho Castle in Gaia's Landing, the Headquarters of the Brotherhood. The castle was made of white sandstones found east of the capital and it is capable to house up to 4000 people. It is accessed through the city catacombs. Templars pledged long ago to defend Gaia's Landing with their lives if necessary, from any enemy that attacks it. Templar Order is known to communicate with High Council and Lady Deirdre, and Captain Laurentius is known to be high ranking in the Order. However, five hundred Templars remains secretive about their daily lives. We know who is the current Templar champion. Larth Cusu, famous for his swordfighting skill. When we ask a Templar about their goals, all they respond is to "serve the order" and "protect the Gaia". GAIA doesn't considers the Order potentially dangerous, and has cooperated with it several times.
With Captain Laurentius away again, we cannot get allowance for a full interview. We will bring you more details on the issue in another occasion.
New native lifeform discovered!
While exploring a unity pod adrift, GDN Endeavor's Heart was suddenly surprised by a native liferform that suddenly surfaced and swallowed the pod!
Subwater cameras recorded this
The ship retreated quickly, and Isle of the Deep (nicknamed lifeform) did not follow. Instead it vent in the opposite direction from the Gaian lands.
Lady Deirdre studied the data on the creature herself and this is what she concluded about the creature:
"The Isle of the Deep is really not a single creature but a colony
of thousands of individual tubules, an aquatic vector of the Mind Worm which terrorizes Planet's continents. Over its lifetime certain tubules secrete a tough, gluelike substance which hardens to form the characteristic shell that floats the colony and creates the appearance of a rogue island."
From now on, GDN Endeavor's Heart and GDN Dauntless shall conduct joint ventures of exploring Unity pods, in case this lifeform appears again, in an effort to study it further.
We will try to get an interview when GDN Endeavor's Heart returns to our base on the coast. Meanwhile watch the documentary on Green TV.
Quote of the day
Oh Goddess, Source of Gods and Mortals,
All-Fertile, All-Destroying Gaia,
Mother of All, Who brings forth the bounteous fruits and flowers,
All variety, Maiden who anchors the eternal world in our own,
Immortal, Blessed, crowned with every grace,
Deep bosomed Earth, sweet plains and fields fragrant grasses in the nurturing rains,
Around you fly the beauteous stars, eternal and divine,
Come, Blessed Goddess, and hear the prayers of Your children,
And make the increase of the fruits and grains your constant care, with the fertile seasons Your handmaidens,
Draw near, and bless your supplicants.
-Orphic Hymn to Gaia
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Entertainment
In this issue, we present you with sea shanty that our sailors sing while on a mission. It originates from the first mission of GDN Endevaor's Heart, but sailors aboard recently aquired GDN Dauntless also love the song.
When Hydro and Cosmic and Colonyan, they walked the capstan round,
Upon the strangest craft that was ever seaward bound,
The music of their voices from tree to fungus rang,
As they sang the first sea shanty that Gaian sailors ever sang...
'Twas in twentyone hundred and three
In June, the thirteenth day
That our Gunfoil her anchor weighed
And for Hiveland sailed away, brave boys
And for Hiveland sailed away.
The lookout on the cross-trees stood
With a spyglass in his hand
There's a worm, there's a worm
There's a wormfish, he cried,
And she blows at every span, brave boys
She blows at every span.
The captain stood on the quarterdeck
And a fine little Gaian was he
Overhaul! Overhaul!
Let your native nets do fall
And launch your rafts for sea, brave boys
And launch your rafts for sea.
The rafts where launched with the men aboard
And the Isle of the Deep was in view
Resolved was each seaman bold
To steer where the wormfish blew, brave boys
To steer where the wormfish blew.
We netted that Isle, and the line played out
But she gave a flourish with her tail
The raft capsized and four gaians were drowned
And we never caught that Isle, brave boys
And we never caught that Isle.
To lose that worm, our captain said
It grieves my heart full sore
But, oh, to lose four gallant men
It grieves me ten times more, brave boys
It grieves me ten times more.
The winter star doth now appear
So, boys, we'll anchor weigh
It's time to leave this cold country
And homeward bear away, brave boys
And homeward bear away.
Oh, Hiveland is a dreadful place
A land that's never green
Where there's ice and snow
And the worm fishes blow
And daylight's seldom seen, brave boys
And daylight's seldom seen.'
Today on Green TV: apart from your favorite shows, remember to watch the final part of the Lord of teh Trees trilogy: Return of the Gardener.
Also, check the documentary about GDN Dauntless, and their first encounter with the dreaded Isle of the Deep!
In cooperation with PLO, we present you a sitcom, "A day in mods life" - watch pilot episode tonight!
Also watch CGI movie - A worm's life!
Soon - documentary about voyages of GDN Endeavor's Heart
Other news in brief:
*Cartoonist mysteriosly brought back to life: makes new
episodes.
*Gaian Navy Doubles in size after exploration of a Unity Pod
*Lord Illuminatus loses documents: other Lords laugh at him
*Other factions surprised with speed of publishment of this issue
*Readers accuse this newspaper for mindreading
*Lord Octavian eats half of xedoughnut yields: farmers surprised
*Gaian scientist report nearing to end of research of Advanced Japanisation (E3)
*Cartoonist accused for publishing episodes in Recreation Commons
*One word in this sentence is wrong
Literary section
Lady Deirdre Publishes A Comparative Biology of Planet - be sure to read it! Updated with newest information on Isle of the Deeps
First compilation of Gaian Acolyte's Prayers published - quality poetry!
Voyages of Endevaor's Heart published by Lord Cosmic.
How to raise an Empath child - straight from Empath Guild
The place of Empaths in modern society by Lord Maelstorm
Advertisement
Lord of Diplomatic Affairs looks for skillful diplomats for diplomatic negotiatons.
If you are not seasick join the Gaian Defense Navy! Join the navy, visit an explore strange new lands and enjoy the trip!
New Museum of Arts opens in Fallow Time next week.
Possible contestants for Gaian Olympics apply to Council of Lords Subcomittee for Sports.
If you wish to join the faction use this
(advised to contact Illuminatus about this)
Treehugging is good for your health! Hug tree at least twice a week (warning: do not confuse trees and cactuses )
Ask Fluffy
Fluffy, the long-time companion of Lady Deirdre Skye, has been asked for his Planet-wise advice for years. Now this advice comes to you.
Dear Fluffy: I’ve hear the term ‘former rush’ for years and it’s been driving me crazy! What is a ‘former rush’, and how exactly does a former rush? This doesn’t make sense. Help! Signed – Very Confused
Dear VC – I can understand your confusion, and I’m here to help! First, let’s look at the origin of the words. ‘Former’ means one who makes or builds. Now, a rush is pliable reed that can be used to construct useful items like baskets or furniture. So, this means that a ‘former rush’ is a type of reed that is used by skilled artisans. Simple!
Dear Fluffy: I’m beside myself with worry. My 14 year old daughter Mally has been seeing this Morganite businessman who is at least 30 years older than her! He showers her with gifts and tells her she loves her and that she’s beautiful. She’s drifted away from me, and I think she may run away with Mr. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do! Help me Fluffy! Signed –Very Worried
Dear VW – I’m glad you came to me, and not a moment too soon. Your concern is real, and I can help. First, tell your daughter that you support her decision and want to help her in strengthen her love. To do that, send her to a guidance counselor – me. I’ll lay it on the line, and let her know what is really happening. Also, tell Mr. Wonderful that he needs to enhance his ‘performance’ by seeing a world famous Gaian Erotic Consultant – also me. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist. Have him meet me for lunch tomorrow. We’ll chat about life and procreation – mine, that is. I’ve been getting rather hungry lately and am willing to make the sacrifice for you, Ms. VW, even if Morganites leave a bad taste in my mouths.
Dear Fluffy: My boyfriend Marlo and I have a disagreement and we want you to resolve it for us. I think running naked through the trees should be done in the morning so the dew clings to your skin, creating a glistening ring of cool droplets that caress the body. It’s exhilarating! Marlo loves to run at twilight when the last of the sultry breezes waft through the trees, bringing sweet pine scents that have a certain…enhancing power. We just can’t decide. Help us Fluffy! Signed – Sarah and Marlo
Dear S&M – Wow, I can see your problem. Luckily the solution is simple – do both! Set aside time in the morning and evening. This way you both can enjoy the scintillating pleasures of the dawn and dusk.
Contest
Winner of the previous contest is: Pedro "Maniac" Riveira of the Spartan Federation! Upon receiving HQ coordinates prize shall be delivered to him. Meanwhile, here is replacement prize - an interesting test, fit for a Spartan. For a more Gaian type of prize we also offer him this wallpaper.
For disrupting contest we present Micha with a antiprize - a week of vacation in Brood Pit.
Meanwhile new contest is at hand - to win this contest you need to write up a short story why do you like/hate mindworms. The most humorous one shall win the contest. As before, PM the publisher.
Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Smacksim and Hydro.
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever.
No Gaian life has been harmed, and the cartoonist who was struck by mysterious divine lightning is fine again, most of staff is still running naked through the trees (what stamina) and has not yet met the punishment for not submiting promised articles.
In next issue read: possible update of the report of Templar order of Muir, story about training in Empath Guild, special report on Ecological Malcontents and report on native life and ecology!
Gaia'sLandingMY2120.011011645.tr10f.
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Hagar the Gaian*
in episode: Sealurk
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. We do nto not intend to disgrace the author and the character in any way, and if author requests, comic shall be removed. We appreciate the talent of the author and quality of the comic. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 28-07-2004 at 17:11
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Octavian X
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Probably buried under piles of Literature, Biology, or Government homework
Jan 2002
time: 23:16
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VotP Submission. Comment, please: This is just a beta idea for a series of writings. 
A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gaian Union
Part One: Gaia's Landing - Outskirts
As as outsider approaches Gaia's capital for the first time, it's rather easy to see the main difference between Gaian bases, and the bases, of, let's say, the rest of the factions of Planet. To the untrained eye, the buildings of the city look like giant bananas protruding from the group. Indeed, there are many reported incidents each year of foreigners attempting to 'peel' the outsides of the buildings in an attempt to eat them.
Of course, this unique architecture only really is in the metropolitan center. Around the city are more 'normal' businesses and homes, with styles much more closely resembling those of the other factions. Granted, some chose to live in man-made hills because they wish to feel at home in Planet, though this phenonenom is not widespread.
If you are looking for some sort of souvenier, or some (usually organic) food, head immeadiated to the open-air market at Obstructor Square, named for a prominent former leader of the Union, on the north side of the base on the road leading into the fungal fields. Farmers from all around the area peddle their xenovegetables and high-quality organic xenodoughnuts. Good luck, though, on trying to acquire some meat - most Gaians are vegetarian by nature. One can buy almost everything necessary for the Gaian lifestyle, from clothes to small domesticated mind worms (for pets). For this reason, the market there (held every 3 days) is famous in the faction.
Of course, if one is looking for something of a bit 'shadier,' the Deothem Neighborhood, on the exetreme south side of the base, is the locale you should seek out. Restaurants frequently serve xenobeef, xenopork, xenoveal, xenochicken, or any other assmortment of meat, which is quite a taboo in Gaian society (for a more exotic cuisine, drop by the Ol' 63 XenoDiner, which serves an excellent fried xenoworm). In short, if it's taboo, it's here - and trust us when we say that all your needs may be satisfied here (execept for maybe Zakharov, if claims about him and his 'preferences' for spore launchers are true). Rumors even have it that once can even purchase everything from the lastest and deadliest in weaponry to human lives with the right connections. The government is trying to stamp them out, though this effort may be unsucessful, if one believes rumors of Lord Octavian's involvment in what has only been described as 'the illegimate xenoxenodoughnut trade.'
Overall, though, the people of the outskirts of Gaia's Landing are good ones, always happy and able to give even a stranger a helping hand (sometimes literally). Of course, the occasional Spartan in the area is still, to be polite, very mean, but who cares about them, anyway?
Next time: Gaia's Landing - City Center
Last edited by Octavian X on 29-07-2004 at 13:39
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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:16
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 There is beauty in every landscape, there is Gaia within us |
In this issue:
*Revolutional theory introduced
*Report on Planet Biosphere
*Council session
*Quote of the Day
*Entertainment
*Literary section
*Other news in brief
*Advertisement
*A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gaian Union
*Contest
*Hagar the Gaian
Revolutional theory introduced
A group of scientists, led by Lord Net Warrior, presented their theories as official opinion of Lordship of Progress. For over twenty years it was debated over the source of SAP - Slow Aging Phenomenon. Accepted explanation was that residual effects of hibernation procedures on Unity have somehow slowed aging process to one tenth of its normal speed, so we Earthborn aged only about two biological years in all this time on Chiron. This would cause a split in society - ten thousand slow aging citizens outliving their children, grandchildren and so on. However, examining revived animals brought in colony pods and their descendant generations, Lordship of Progress has discovered amazing facts: this effect is not limited to Earth generation of Gaians! Infact, SAP somehow carries over to following generation, but remains dormant. However exposing descendant generations to hiberantion like conditions, can 'awake' SAP and reduce the aging process a bit. Computer simulations have confirmed this. With advances towards Biogenetics, we will be able to construct so called Rejuvanation tanks, that will be able to trigger SAP for an amount of time. Lord Net Warrior claims that being in Rejuvanation tanks for several weeks every ten years will effectively stop aging, if not even reverse it! Such Rejuvanation tanks would be perfect for releasing telomerasis enzyme into body, but research is still needed before they can be constructed. In the future, perhaps even Longevity Vaccine could be invented, which would eliminate the need for Rejuvanation tanks. Lord Net Warrior suggested that such capability already exists in Human Genome, but it was dormant until hibernation managed to trigger it. But he also claims that effects of hibernation on Earthborn Gaians will eventually wear off, so they will too have to seek help of Rejuvenation tanks in future. Scientist generally accept this theory.
Report on Planet Biosphere
Following parts of Lord Del Cotter's general report have been declassified long ago, and they are available to public, for illumination on these serious issues. We hope to bring them to other factions too:
Chiron (or "Planet" as most of the colonists refer to it) is a 1.8 Earth mass planet orbiting at 1.08 AU from Alpha Prime, receiving 23% more sunlight than Earth does at the present.
Like the Sun, Alpha Prime was once about 30%-40% dimmer than its present luminosity. Stars grow continually more luminous over their lifetime on the main sequence - this was a matter of some concern to astronomers in the past (Hart 1978) who reasoned that if the Sun had been much less luminous than it is today, then the Earth should have been locked in a permanent ice age. But the geological record shows that Earth was not significantly cooler than it is today. This was known as the Faint Young Sun Paradox.
It was Walker and Kasting who pointed out (1981) that if the Earth had had a much greater amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, then the CO2 greenhouse effect could account for the difference. CO2 is emitted into the atmosphere from volcanoes and weathered out of the atmosphere by the reaction CaSiO3 + CO2 ---> CaCO3 + SiO2 broken down into silicate rocks and CO2, and the cycle begins again. The crucial feature of this cycle is that the weathering reaction is temperature dependent: the higher the temperature, the faster CO2 is removed from the atmosphere. So the carbonate-silicate cycle acts as a planetary thermostat, keeping temperatures constant even while stars vary over geological time.
On Earth, the consequence was that life evolved in an atmosphere of up to 1000 millibars CO2 or even more. The first photosynthesising organisms using atmospheric CO2 may have evolved up to four billion years ago and have dominated the biosphere ever since. But on Chiron, the temperature was already too high to support a dense CO2 atmosphere, and carbon was a much less available element in the warm early seas. This has led to a very different evolutionary path.
The atmosphere consists of >160 kPa N2, <15 kPa O2 and <20 Pa CO2. The low oxygen content results in fewer forest fires, a higher proportion of anoxic environments - encouraging a large anaerobic ecosystem reducing nitrates to break down organic matter, about which more later (see report on "xenofungus") - and a plant ecosystem dominated by the need to conserve carbon.
The warm tropical seas of Chiron are breeding grounds for hurricanes, which are also encouraged by the high gravity and rapid rotation. The dense nitrogen atmosphere only partly offsets this. The equatorial cloud belts, however, help to regulate the climate by reflecting sunlight.
Because the planet spins faster, the winds follow the lines of latitude more strictly than on Earth. Moreover, the meridional circulation splits into five cells, as opposed to Earth’s three (Hadley, Ferrel, and Rossby). Compare this to the bands on a giant, rapidly rotating planet like Jupiter or Saturn.
At over 20% higher insolation than Earth, Chiron has very small polar ice caps. The effect of this on the oceanic circulation is profound. Instead of cold oxygen-rich polar water sinking at the poles and being carried in a current along the ocean floor to the equator (as on Earth today), the circulation is driven in reverse, with warm saline oxygen-poor water sinking at the equator and flowing to the poles (as on Earth in the Cretaceous period). As a result, the bottom waters are highly anoxic (note: such seas are called euxinic after the Black Sea).
Compared to Earth, silicates are much less common in the soils of Chiron. As in the tropics on Earth, warm water leaches the silica from clays, leaving a poor alumina-rich soil (this does not prevent rain forests from growing, but will inhibit agriculture). The arctic regions have a higher proportion of acidic soils with a high proportion of organic matter (podzols) which is equally hard to farm. The temperate soil zone, which on Earth is favoured with rich aluminosilicate clays, is much narrower here on Chiron, and the soils are more likely to be sandy or lime-rich. Bogs are also common.
Although basically similar to Earth life, in that it is based on carbon compounds in water, the organisms of Chiron have evolved a biochemistry very different Earth. The scarcity of carbon in the environment, and of dioxygen in the soil, has forced plants to try to make do without O2, and economize on the use of carbon in structural parts and as an energy storage material. They do this by using a biochemical reaction unknown on Earth
N2 + H2O + 5/2O2 --> 2H+ + 2NO3- ( -7 kcal mol-1 )
as can be seen, this reaction is exothermic, but (thankfully) is unknown on Earth. Chironian plants seem to have a special enzyme to encourage this reaction, possibly with the aid of sunlight. They use the nitrate obtained this way to store energy as organic nitro-compounds (like gun-cotton trees); to reduce carbonates to carbon; and to carry out respiration in anoxic environments.
Majority of Chiron Organisms live in the absence of oxygen (though they can use oxygen if it is present) and "breathe" nitrate:
(CH2O) + NO3 ---> H2O + CO2 + 1/2N2O + 1/4O2
This ecosystem apparently has symbiotic relations with the plants and with Chironian animal life. The prevalence of nitrate in the environment has serious repercussions.
The nitrous oxide is present in only small amounts as it combines with ozone in the stratosphere to break down into N2 and O2 light
N2O + O3 ---> 2NO + O2 ; 2NO ---> N2 + O2
This process prevents the build-up of an ozone layer.
When plant material is buried, nitro-hydrocarbons have all they need to "burn", so they will do so slowly underground, leaving nothing behind until all the reducing material (hydrocarbon) or all the oxidizing material (nitrate) has gone. We expect the nitrate to run out first in all cases, leaving a residue of carbon compounds. Provided this does not come into contact with oxygen, it will fossilize to produce ordinary fossil fuels. Since Chiron has been hot and hypoxic for a long time, it should have all the oil, shale, and coal the colonists could want. Unfortunately, research has shown that ecosystem managed somehow to recycle the fossil fuels, leaving us with problem of artificially sythesizing fossil fuels in future.
Essentialy terraforming efforts increase the CO2 (and hence oxygen), as does transplantation of Earth vegetation to Chiron. Blasting chalk limestone dposits (which are also abundant on Chiron) will also liberate the CO2. Our efforts in terraforming will only encourage native life growth, as previously said by Lady Deirdre.
Water has to be treated in order to remove the nitrates so that it is safe to drink; otherwise the colonists suffer from methaemoglobinaemia, or "blue baby syndrome", where the red blood cells are poisoned so they can’t take up oxygen. The way to do it is to pass ozone through the water to destroy the nitrate.
Council session
Yesterday Council of Lords debated about several issues, including origin of xenoxenodoughnuts, terraforming endevaors and future goals. Most noted was the fact that Gaian Union has launched a plan to establish contact with other factions by the end of this decade. What will this bring for the Union is uncertain. There was also talks on new findings of Lordship of Progress.
Unfortunately, the Council is plagued by lack of Lords. It seems that most Lords took short vacations, and backup plans have kicked in. This maybe cause of slight delays in future, claimed Chairman of the Council.
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Quote of the Day
A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive.
--Albert Einstein
Entertainment
We noticed that there are again tensions about turnplay speeds. Since other factions to not use Gaian techniques (different forms of relaxation in nature), we therefore submit the specially engineered anti-stress kit, suitable for use of members of other factions. It is guaranteed to decrease tensions. Special designed for stubborn people.Get the kit now!
Massage center opened! Now your pets too can enjoy the massage (empathically trained, no force has been used):
Also, from now one, you can watch PLO transmission on your Green TV.
In cooperation with XenoagricultureCorp, we will present you with Outtakes from Conversations with Planet -> never seen before data.
Literary section
We recommend reading previous three issues - they are an excellent read. Other newspapers are also a good read.
Find the Gaia in you, by Motter Naytchure
Also, first edition of Gaian Gardening Manual!
Ian Fleming IV. publishes his new book, License to Garden.
Other news in brief
*Lord Octavian presents xenoxenodoughnuts; scientists compeltely embezzled
*Something happens, but no one is aware of it; did it really happen?
*Lord Illuminatus attempts to publish Issue #4 two days after Issue 3 - other Lords prevent him
*Lord Ouro invents xenotomatoes that bounce; implementation of the invention awaited
*Morganite Micha accuses VotP of attempting to finish 'them poor MorganLink editors'
*Captain Laurentius returns to Gaia's Landing
*PLO captain wounded, transmissions from PLO indicate widespread chaos on the outpost
*Fesrh sudty sohws taht oasccnioal mpsseilngs hvae no eefcft no mninaeg of txet
*All but two members of High Council go on vacation
*Rumours about encounters with Hive spread. High Council reminds the public that rumours are usually false.
Advertisement
First Gaian Olympic Games scheduled for MY 2125 - you can apply now.
Fungus is good, tasty and plentiful. Eat it regulary (look for signs of eggs in it first as a measure of precaution)
If you wish to join the faction use this
(advised to contact Illuminatus about this)
Treehugging is good for your health! Hug tree at least twice a week (warning: do not confuse trees and cactuses )
Feeling down? Don't! Do not take anything too serious and remember, enjoy the life on Chiron.
Sparky the Spore Launcher has escaped again. He was last seen travelling on Isle of the Deep near Unity Coast. If a Spore Launcher suddenly bombards you from the sea it is probably him. Please contact us to retrieve him.
Alien Artifacts lost: if you find them please return them to Gaian Union.
A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gaian Union
Part One: Gaia's Landing - Outskirts
As as outsider approaches Gaia's capital for the first time, it's rather easy to see the main difference between Gaian bases, and the bases, of, let's say, the rest of the factions of Planet. To the untrained eye, the buildings of the city look like giant bananas protruding from the group. Indeed, there are many reported incidents each year of foreigners attempting to 'peel' the outsides of the buildings in an attempt to eat them.
Of course, this unique architecture only really is in the metropolitan center. Around the city are more 'normal' businesses and homes, with styles much more closely resembling those of the other factions. Granted, some chose to live in man-made hills because they wish to feel at home in Planet, though this phenonenom is not widespread.
If you are looking for some sort of souvenir, or some (usually organic) food, head immeadiately to the open-air market at Organic Square, on the north side of the base on the road leading into the fungal fields. Farmers from all around the area peddle their xenovegetables and high-quality organic xenodoughnuts. Good luck, though, on trying to acquire some meat - most Gaians are vegetarian by nature. One can buy almost everything necessary for the Gaian lifestyle, from clothes to small domesticated mind worms (for pets). For this reason, the market there (held every 3 days) is famous in the faction.
Of course, if one is looking for something of a bit 'shadier,' the Deothem Neighborhood, on the exetreme south side of the base, is the locale you should seek out. Restaurants frequently serve xenobeef, xenopork, xenoveal, xenochicken, or any other assmortment of meat, which is quite a taboo in Gaian society (for a more exotic cuisine, drop by the Ol' 63 XenoDiner, which serves an excellent fried xenoworm). In short, if it's taboo, it's here - and trust us when we say that all your needs may be satisfied here (except for maybe Zakharov, if claims about him and his 'preferences' for spore launchers are true). Rumors even have it that once can even purchase everything from the lastest and deadliest in weaponry to human lives with the right connections. The government is trying to stamp them out, though this effort may be unsuccessful, if one believes rumors of Lord Octavian's involvment in what has only been described as 'the illegimate xenoxenodoughnut trade.'
Overall, though, the people of the outskirts of Gaia's Landing are good ones, always happy and able to give even a stranger a helping hand (sometimes literally). Of course, the occasional Spartan in the area is still, to be polite, very mean, but who cares about such tourists, anyway?
Next time: Gaia's Landing - City Center
Contest
No submission have been received yet, so there is no winner and no prize. But there is a new contest: Those who PMs the most original sentence containing words Mindworms, dishwasher, Morgan and dance shall win the contest.
Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Octavian X, Del Cotter
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever.
No Gaian life has been harmed, most of staff is still running naked through the trees (what stamina) and has not yet met the punishment for not submiting promised articles.
In next issue read: Failure of Council's campaign, new kind of mindworms, report from the Lordship of Diplomacy, Outtakes from Conversations with Planet and more. Also, do not be surprised if next issue is a bit late, since staff is on vacation. Gaia'sLanding.2124->2124011011645.tr10f.
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Hagar the Gaian*
in episode: Visiting Yang
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. We do nto not intend to disgrace the author and the character in any way, and if author requests, comic shall be removed. We appreciate the talent of the author and quality of the comic. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 04-08-2004 at 17:58
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Apolyton Time is 00:16. |
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23-07-2004 14:00
Attachment: 
smilie. I'm letting this post stand because it is part of the history how we get to this place.
Any other objections? Bits about Dauntless added 
. EDIT: It were removed after some consideration.
- so my only option is to sneak them into Rec Commons as attachment and then link them. BTW I plan to use only one from these, the other is for Issue 5 
). Also, should we ignore some inconsistencies about meeting other factions? I would ignore them, since this is really good Oct. 
)
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