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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:16
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In this issue:
*Mutiny aboard UNS Unity
*First Council meeting
*Long night over?
*Lord Hydro returns
*Gaian Union announces adoption of organic nervestaplers
*Senior Nudist Kody forbidden to run naked through the trees
*Why Spore Launchers can be just a good as Mindworms.
*Today on Green TV!
*Literary section:
*Job positions
*Breakthrough in food production
*Lord Obsrian quits all positions, Lord Illuminatus replaces him
*Scandal in Voice of Planet!
*Hagar the Gaian
Mutiny aboard UNS Unity!
You all know what transpired aboard UNS Unity. After a disastrous attempt of insurgents led by Security Officer Santiago to seize a colony pod for themselves, chaos has erupted on ship. With the danger of crashing in Planet, and Captain Garland mortally wounded, ship's crew divided into several factions, seizing colony pods for themselves. We gathered around Officer's Deirdre's excellent vision of human future on this alien planet. From now one, we are to be know as Gaians, and our faction as Gaian Union. Our sensors have recorded atmospheric entry of 6 other pods, which means that we shall probably have company on Planet. We intend to show that Green is the only correct choice.
First Council meeting!
Newly formed Council of Lords has after a lengthy debate accepted this foundations for Gaian Constitution. Foudation of Constitution are this three Supreme Gaian Laws:
First Law: Humanity may not injure Planet or, through inaction, allow Planet to come to harm.
Second Law: Humanity must obey orders given it by Planet except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Third Law: Humanity must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
After a vote, this constitution has been accepted with votes of 512 pro and 18 against. Lord Garreth, main spokesman of the group that voted against, complained that other factions might not kindly view on Constitution based on such principles. Since there are no indications of other factions surviving expect data on pod entries, that argument fell on deaf ears. Council voting has shown that majority of Gaians agree with the principles Lord Hydro so accurately formulated. The rest of Constitution guarantees basic rights for each Gaian, including liberty, freedom of speech, equality, just like in UN charter. It also guarantees rights of each native lifeform, including so far sighted xenofungus, and all other possible sentient and nonsentient lifeforms, which probably makes it unique in history.
Lord Obstructor, proposed an official Gaian Oath of Loyalty, which would symbolise loyalty of each citizen to Gaian principles. Council accepted it unilateraly with 519 votes (one of the Lords went to bathroom while the proposals was voted for). After accepting it, all Lords have immediately sworn the Oath. In the course of next two months, each Gaian has sworn the Oath in Gaian Central Hallroom, thus officialy becoming a full member of Gaians. Lord Obstructor also proposed that Oath is resworn in official and special occasions. This proposal was accepted in Council session next day.
Long night over?
After continuous state of disorganisation and lack of interest in matters vital of faction that lasts from Planetfall, Lady Deirdre was forced to use her powers and intervene, rearranging crucial points. Since grand elections of 2102 failed, many Gaians have become concerned with the fact that many still see plebiscitary democracy as a sole foundation for society. As our faction has started its expansion from starting base to other ones, it was necessary to diversify branches of government. Elections of 2102. were intended to be tool of this change, but since they failed for lack of interest, Lady Deirdre saw no other option than to manually rearrange society, appointing officials by her self. This is believed to be a temporary measure, since new elections shall be made in mission year 2106. No civil liberities have been suspended, and successful election results were acknowledged in this change. Historians claim that Long night, period lasting from Planetfall, is now nearing its end. Populations is neutral, or supportive for this intervention.
Lord Hydro returns!
Many Gaians wonder what happened to well known Lord Hydro. It turned out that Lord Hydro accompanied Scout Patrol on it's first voyage into unknown. Unknown to majority, while studying local hydrological phenomenons, Hydro tripped and fell down the hill. He was presumed missing for more than 20 months, until he returned on his own to base. It seems that he managed to survive with his breathing mask and with two-month supplies for all that time, filtering Planet water, and eating various xenofungus parts. He was hospitalised immediately upon his return, as his body condition showed significant loss of mass and exaustion. However it is believed that Gaian Union shall gain much when he recovers, including possible map information, details on native life, and fungus receipts as well. It is also rumoured that Hydro is one of few Gaians who have heard "Planetsong" .
Breakthrough in food production
Today Gaian researcher Ouro_827 unveild a new technique for processing the strange fungus-like growth of Planet that has been labeled xenofungus. The new technique, relatively easy to implement, results in a high nutrient dish that is 'not bad' in taste, and much more edible than any other dish with origins in the xenofungus has been! Not suprisingly, the Gaian government bought the right to the process, and is now implementing it, to great effect, taking the strain of the forests, farms, and hydroponics in general. The company that employs Ouro has begun developing more advanced techniques for fungus processing, such as flavoring it. Preliminary experiments have yielded, we are told, things like a honeydew sluree, apple-fungus pancakes, and other such things.
Senior Nudist Kody forbidden to run naked through the trees
Senior Nudist Kody has been forbidden to run naked through the trees after some shocking revelation have been made. Apparently Kody was planning, with an outsider named WIA, to take films of Gaian women running naked through the trees and sell them to entity called "Morgan" (link between Nwabudike Morgan who appeared shortly before Unity's demise and this name is not confirmed). Also, there were also preparations to sell footages of Gaian men running naked through the trees to entity called 'Sparta' (link to Santiago and her insurgents has not been confirmed). What this entities are, is not familiar, but it was recorded that 'Morgans are always ready to pay good price for such material', while 'Spartans like this kind of material since they spend life among other men and have such tendencies'. There was also talk of 'Angels could add popup adds to footage'. Kody was questioned, but he hasn't revealed anything about this cryptic messages.
Whole thing was exposed when a passer-by heard conversation between two of them. Claims that Kody is not actually a Gaian have not yet been confirmed.
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Why Spore Launchers can be just a good as Mindworms
Many Gaians may think of spore launchers as a fairly useless pet. This is simply not so, while you may not be able to put up a highly effective beware of the mindworm sign, there is a certain novelty factor associated with owning your very own spore launcher.
Aside from the obvious and common use of teaching it to launch tennis balls there are an variety of other uses. Such as firework launcher, water fountain and jungle gym for the kids for the large ones.
Spore launchers can be active players in recreational sports. It's a little know fact that once taught the right techniques they have been know to be excellent waterpolo players and also cricket or baseball pitchers.
The average Gaian family cannot unestimate the value of a spore launcher as part of the family. It still provides all the mental benefits of an owning a mindworm such as calmer kids and xenobrew once the pet has died. While it cannot effectively attack and burrow into the usual home intruder, they make for gentler pets ideal for families with small children.
Today on Green TV!
Watch popular shows, like Good morning Gaia!, Green News and Who wants to be an ecologist.
Movies this week: Forest Gump (drama), UNS Unity (catastrophe/love story), and first part of the soon to be legendary triology: Lord of the Trees: Fellowship of the Tree.
As always, most popular series are still on, like Ecology and the City, West Woods, 24 Pines, X-Bushes and Forestwatch!
Literary section:
Be sure to read this bestsellers:
Unity Rovers for Begginers
Scouting unknown teritories made simple
How to raise a Talent
Colonising new Planet for Dummies
All you need to know about this world
101 thing about xenofungus
How to survive in wilderness
Who is who in Gaian faction
Job positions:
If you are not afraid working all alone in unknown teritory with potential to be attacked by vicious mind burrowing creatures that will immobilise you by creating horrible images in your mind and then implant their larvae into your still conscious brain, then report to GAIA headquarters.
Visit Tulip Apartments, 126 meters above ground on Garland Pillar! Best conditions for living in whole Gaian Union ( it is not recommended for people afraid of heights ).
Spore launcher lost. Name: Sparky. Distinctive traits: loves to launch spores at people and terraforming improvements.
Do you believe you can read minds? Are you convinced you can influence emotional states of another? Visit Empath Guild and find it out for sure.
Today, at White Pine Pillar, visit opening ceremony of the Templar Order of Muir
Warning: do not attempt to explore Unity Pods without adequate equipment!
Lord Obsrian quits all positions, Lord Illuminatus replaces him
After still unexplained turn of events, Lord Obsrian (known also as Obstructor) has quited all positions within the government (detailed information can be seen in Gaian Times #2) and has not been seen since that. Lady Deirdre intervened by replacing him with Lord Illuminatus, seeing that faction suddenly started to slide towards chaos again. Lord Illuminatus is not very known among colonists, and every attempt to recover some information about his background fails. It appears that GAIA classified all details about him as Top Secret. Also, he takes a shadowly appearance in public, refraining from any unneccesary talk.
Elections scheduled for 2106, were delayed due to departure of Lord Obsrian, causing a constitutional crisis. Due to work of newly appointed Lord Administrator Illuminatus, elections are right now underway. Elections of 2107. are prognosed to show democratic health of Gaian Union.
Scandal in Voice of Planet!
Investigation led by newly appointed Lord Illuminatus has determined that a finalised issue of Voice of the Planet is waiting for three years to be published! It seems that most of that staff grew too enthusiastic about dancing naked through the trees, and forgotten about the newspaper completely. Asking his comments, Lord Illuminatus just muttered some words like "punish the responsible" and "brood pit". The issue has been updated and published.
Gaian Union announces adoption of organic nervestaplers
In a continuing movement to save the environment of our adpoted home, a motion recently adopted by the Gaian Council of Lords now requires that, rather than wasteful and polluting standard nervestappling technology, all police forces will be required to use 'organic nervestaplers.'
"It's really a neat technology," says one shopkeeper who sells the weapons happy fun time playthings. "Regular nervestaplers use chemicals that wreak havoc on the natural environment. Our organic ones use the best of natural xenoworm husks and xenofungus to produce the best, non-polluting nervestaplers in the business!"
Reports that these so-called 'organic nervestaplers' are actually regular ones painted green remain to be investigated.
View from another corner
Lord Chaos has asked today in Council of Lords why is our police being equipped with nervestaplers, when our social system cleary forbidds use of nervestapling equipment. Police department claims even if they cannot use nervestaplers for nervestapling, they can use them as something to beat protesters with. Council of Lords is still embezelled with this issue.
No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although one flower was stepped on by a member of the staff, but is expected that it will recover soon.
No Gaian life has been harmed, mostly due to fact that staff is still running naked through the trees and has not yet met the punishment for not publishing this newspaper on time.
Article authors: Obstructor, Octavian X, Ouro_827 and Kody.
In next issue read: Gardening tips for fungus, report of Templar order of Muir, story about Empath Guild, and exclusive report on first capture of native lifeforms ever.
Gaia'sLandingMY2106.0608092478.tr35h. |
Hagar the Gaian* in episode: Where to place a base site?
*Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. |
Last edited by Illuminatus on 13-07-2004 at 16:24
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smacksim
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Deputy Chairman of the Council of Lords of Gaia
Feb 2004
time: 00:16
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Server == Dead slow and Double Post
I'm just trying to be funny r/e the boss thing Illuminatus. I am serious about the article. Gotta go. Storm!
Last edited by smacksim on 18-07-2004 at 01:21
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Ouro_827
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Alaska
Feb 2004
time: 20:16
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Okay then! Reporting back in... top one is a story.. bottom one is an ad, after all this is a paper! If someone is feeling enthusiastic, they can even make a cereal logo... or not
In further developments of fungus as a food... Independent researcher Net Warrior has put forth a plan to the Gaian goverment for thirty-five credits a year to fund the development of a chemical solution that would be able to transform large blooms of fungus into pancakes. Net Warrior said that this was his way of paying back to the people, and that it would surely benefit everyone, since it is impossible not to love apple-fungus pancakes! Net Warrior is under investigation in a case of industrial espionage against Kell-G corporation, who developed many of the fungus processing techniques, including that of manufacturing the pancakes. No members of the Gaian council were available to comment on the possibility of funding being made available for Net Warrior's research.
Buy Worm Loops! Extra special flavor, and each piece of cereal is formed like an authentic Gaian mindworm! Plus, check the back of the box for a special offer to purchase a plushie Gaian mindworm for only 3 credits! Also, check for the specially marked boxes of Worm Loops with Fungus! Try and find the mindworms buried in the replications of real fungal patches!
Check in the cereal area of your local distribution center!
This advertisment was brought to you courtesy of Kell-G Corporation, the providers of breakfast foods for the Gaian military since mission year 2101!
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Net Warrior
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Long Island, New York
Sep 2003
time: 00:16
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An irate Net Warrior was quoted as saying "I suspect that Kell-G Corperation is secretly under the control of Morgan Industries. They just seem too mean spirited for things to be otherwise. My chemical processing of the fungus is entirely different from the manufacturing techniques Kell-G uses. I think that they are just afraid of losing their monopoly."
Last edited by Net Warrior on 19-07-2004 at 15:16
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smacksim
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Deputy Chairman of the Council of Lords of Gaia
Feb 2004
time: 00:16
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I need a little more time on my article and graphics. I am working on it though.
To be honest, my creative energies are focused elsewhere. A sudden burst may happen that will add to the paper. As things are, I can't promise anything. Apoligies.
Last edited by smacksim on 21-07-2004 at 15:49
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Illuminatus
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Salvaging Unity Fusion Core
Jul 2003
time: 06:16
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Some possible material:
Citizens of Gaia's Landing marvel at alien technology!
As you many of you already know, some years ago, our scout patrol unit explored a Unity Pod signal in sector 26-75B northwest of Gaia's Landing. Unity Pod signal was a fake one, as Scout Patrol determined while exploring. Radiowaves were in fact emitted by ancient alien beaconing device. Upon further investigation, Scout Patrol ventured upon ancient robotic unit, codenamed BattleOgre. All research shows that it is most likely of extraterrestrial origin, since spectrographic analysis showed that BattleOgre alloys are partially composed from ununoctium isotopes, which has completely shocked the scientific community. "Ununoctium was element that scientist on Earth tried to create for decades, but they never managed to actually do it. Research on that was abandoned some time before the Six minute war. Ununoctium nucleus decays less than a millisecond after its formation by emitting an alpha-particle. This results in an isotope of element 116 (mass number 289, containing 116 protons and 173 neutrons). This isotope of element 116, is also radioactive and undergoes further a-decay processes to an isotope of element 114 and so on down to at least element 106. Despite that, BattleOgre survived for millions of years; team of xenoarcheologists has estimated age of 76.5 million years (based on radiometric age dating of part of the Ogre containing small amount of uranium) which means that it was left there in the time when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. Unfortunately, as the secret of stabilizing ununoctium eludes us, we are going to be unable to replicate advanced technology of the BattleOgre, or even repair it. Commander of the Gaian Defense Forces Lord Darsnan, and Chairman of GAIA Lord Illuminatus said that Battle Ogre posses advanced weapon and armor systems, and is capable of selfsupport and control. After some years of exploration, BattleOgre has finally came to our capitol, where it will serve for defense and police duties. Rare drones in Gaia's Landing have already given up their rebellious thoughts after seeing the tremendous figure of the BattleOgre. Captain Laurentius has asked that the BattleOgre is renamed to Pegasus, and Lord Darsnan has granted him that favour.
On questions how Gaian Union gained control of the BattleOgre, Lord Illuminatus said that captain of the Scout Patrol team, Laurentius should have the honor of telling this. You can read the interview with Captain Laurentius below.
Elections of 2107.
Elections of 2107. Went as expected, with all officials being reelected with the exception of Lord Illuminatus that replaced Lord Obstructor. 67 percent of the Gaians voted on the two day elections, which is a significant increase compared to first elections. Next elections have been scheduled to early spring of year 2112. Lady Deirdre congratulated the winners on retaining their positions.
Strange radiosignals being received all over Gaian Union
Radioastronomers across Gaian Union claim to receive strange radio emissions from yet unidentified source on surface of one of the moons. Reports claim that pointing the telescopes directly into the Pholus moon increases the likelyhood of reception of this emissions. Gaian Lordship of Progress still has not confirmed or rejected claims that there is a human civilisation thriving on Pholus moon. This matter is under urgent investigation and Council of Lords is supposed to have an urgent session based on the full report of the Lordship of Progress that is currently being assembled. Until then, all rumours are to be considered false.
Baby found in fungus: faction wonders what happened
A infant has been found by a mindworm exploration division (MED). Chief empath, Lindly, describes the event: “As we [empath/mindworm in direct empathic connection decribe themselves as we] were mapping the fungus roads in sector 15-65K, we sensed weak emanations of a human consciousness. Knowing that there are not supposed to be any Gaians in vicinity we immediately rushed towards the source. We expected to see a scout of another faction that has survived Planetfall, perhaps injured after mindworm attack, but we soon sensed that something is wrong. Consciousness seemed so simple and fragile, yet tranquil even as it was in a middle of a vast fungal field, almost like a wild mindworm. Mindworm Promethea first sensed it was a child, when it telepathically asked me why would we leave human larvae in fungus. I was absolutely shocked when I realised what Promethea was telling me. At first I thought a group of colonists fell victim to mindworm attack and the infant survived, but I was amazed when we saw an infant, lying in fungus without any breathing mask! It is also unknown why child has not been harmed by native lifeforms, even as exact time of exposure to the native environment is unknown. Child was calm and infact we sensed happiness in it when the baby noticed Promethea. Promethea quickly rearranged herself to carry the baby towards the nearest base with utmost speed. We actually met a medical team 50 kilometres east from it which administered some help.”
Baby has been examined and DNA comparison has shown no match with any DNA of a Gaian, so we assume that baby derives from a splinter group of colonists. Area is patrolled in case someone comes in search for it. Medical examination has shown that the baby is in perfect health and shows no traces of nitrogen narcosis! Child has already been adopted by a family whose identity has not been revealed.
Interview with Captain Laurentius
It was a chilly tuesday evening turning into night. One of my intelligence officers was scanning the usual frequences because a small recon team of ours had gone missing or stealth mode few hours earlier during a routine operation of search for unity pods. The radio silence indicated that they had either found something, or were in trouble. Just after 3 am our scanners picked up a signal. It was unlike the ones we used and it was growing stronger all the time. We locate the source was now just over the hills about 2 clicks from us there were no signs of life on out radars, so we proceeded to the site. There it was, a colossal ancient vehicle. After securing the site I had some of my engineers to go look at the machine - they discovered i'ts maneuvering system and cracked the security locks that had been automatically gone on, we were then able to transport the ogre back to camp for further studies.
There the engineers were able to startup the vehicle, which seemed to be automated. We all took cover and targeted the Ogre, as we did not known if the vehicle will attack us. Soon the Ogre started to move and it scanned us. We were ready to defend, as pointless as it would be, but then we realised that the Ogre isn't hostile towards us! Soon it started to emit strange sounds, like an attempt to speak. We, ofcourse, were unable to respond. Suddenly, I got an idea. We programmed our handheld computer and holoprojector to display part of the Datalinks infront of the Ogre. For all we knew, Ogre could be a sentient being and it was our duty to make contact with him. After several hours Ogre has assimilated enough knowledge to speak to us. It seemed to be programmed to adapt to every new condition. The Ogre spoke: "BattleUnit 3456 ready for input of new orders." We are completely taken by surprise. The Ogre was basically offering itself to us! Also, the designation stirred many questions: were they really thousands of this units on Planet? In that case the faction that would seize most of them would be unstoppable. We started to ask questions to Ogre and we found out many things: it's makers left the planet a long time ago (his internal chronometer failed after first two milion years) after a long fight in which many of the Ogres were destroyed. The remaining ones were left and they went into a kind of "sleep" mode until new commanders came for them. It assumed that we are his new commanders. So far, Ogre posses intelligence and selfcontrol, but is not truly sentient and wishes only to serve us. It may be given complex orders and is fully inderstanding now that it is part of the Gaian Defense Forces of the Gaian Union. It was researched first naturally.
Why did I name it Pegasus?As you know I have been closely assosiated with the Cult of the Shrike as well as the Templar Brotherhood of Muir. The pegasus is one of the reincarnations of the Muir, the Shishigami, the giver and taker of life. In the cults mythology, wich was mainly imported from old Earths Japan, the Shishigami was the gread of living on a small lake in the center of the forest, and every night when the moon light shined, it grew from its daily pegasus shape into a magnificent 50 metre high wandering spirit who was made of starstuff.
Literary section
Read the novelisation of the Pegasus finding by Captain Laurentius: Me, myself and Pegasus. Available in your bases now!
Read 101 Gardening Tips for Fungus by Smacksim
New! Lady Deirdre's Secret Lover (unauthorised fiction)
Old Gaian and the Sea by Earns T. Heamingwain
Be sure to get first edition of Encyclopedia Gaianica!
Entertainment section
Tonight on Green TV: Second part of legendary trilogy: Lord of the Trees: Tall Trees.
Green House: new series commenting on state of art in today's culture.
Travel series: Joan Attenbourghesky visits Great Fungal Wastes.
Artist show: Garland orchester plays the great works of W.A. Mozart.
Poetry hour: Edgar A. Poe William Wordsworth
Also new season of famous Forestwatch series.
Advertisment
Garland orchestra is looking for a flautist. Report to it in Central Alley 4.
Empath Guild offers new ways of relaxation to Gaians. Interested should come into Empath Guild Hall next Monday in early morning.
Architecture Centre opens competition for new pillar in Gaia's Landing - read details at guw.architecturecentre.org.
Want to be xenoarcheologist? Apply for study at Fallow Times Hall.
Botanist Garden prepares trip to seacoast - all interested please apply.
Buy Wormies cereals - made from native lifeforms that ended their lifecycle - they are great and tasty.
Other news in brief
-Tenth anniversary of tragic death of the crew of colony pod Hope memorated. Lady Deirdre vows for better understanding of native life to prevent such tragedies in the future.
-Gaians sight snowflakes.
-Xenodoughnout farm finished, Lords wonder who gave the order for construction. Lord Octavian is missing since the opening of the xenodoughnout farm.
-Most Gaians visit the coast for relaxation, work pools drastically decreased.
-blah-blah-blah - now time for preliminary formatting
Last edited by Illuminatus on 23-07-2004 at 14:00
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12-07-2004 09:56
? ) before publishing it?
? And where are those gardening tips? I will start work on next issue next week.
Thanks for the reminder.
. Anyway, I just remind you that I am not your boss, or anyone's. Okay? 
Attachment: 
Great stuff! 
But how does eating mindworms go into our agenda 
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