08-03-2005 23:40									#151
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Go for default judgement and take full custody. She has a proven track record of ****ing up. Don't trust her with your son until she's proven she's gotten her **** together.

	09-03-2005 19:10									#152
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quote: Originally posted by shawnmmcc Kidicious - go for the default judgement. THEN, if she continues on good behavior, let him stay with her alot of the time.

Yeah, this is what I've been thinking.

quote: However, be careful. Very often the better parent is not the more "fun" parent. Setting firm limits with consequences, putting the child to bed on time, making time to read books instead of stare at TV, etc. are often less "fun" but much more important.

She screws with his head. She throws fits in front of him and says all kinds of horrible things to make him upset. She's been telling him since we found out about the defaul judgement option that I'm taking him away from her. She does this so that she can say that he agrees with her.

quote: You can always give her full custody once she proves she can stay clean. Being clean does not equal staying clean. I'm just reading between the lines, but it sounds like she has major problems with impulse control. That means that circumstances, surroundings, social group, and support play a major role in how her life unfolds. She is NOT self-directing.

True.

quote: As a heads up, and I had to do this at age 29. Evaluate why you got together with her. You obviously made a mistake. Why? Do you like party girls, woman who initiate having sex, women who are hot, etc. Before I asked my wife to get married, I carefully watched her interaction with children mutliple times. This time I was going to make sure that the lady I got together with loved kids like I did. She's been a very good mommy for our little girl.

She's very hot, and she plays the victim crap on you to make you think the world has screwed her over and she just needs someone to love her.

I definitely don't trust my ability to pick women. I want to get some counseling for myself too before I get serious about another women.

	09-03-2005 21:15									#153
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious I definitely don't trust my ability to pick women. I want to get some counseling for myself too before I get serious about another women.

Have all your prospects screened by Pekka.

	09-03-2005 22:32									#154
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quote: Originally posted by Smiley Have all your prospects screened by Pekka.

At least the next GF won't have cold hands.

	09-03-2005 22:39									#155
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all girls have cold hands....

JM

	10-03-2005 01:33									#156
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Kidicious, any parent who uses the child as a manupilative tool IS NOT FIT TO BE A PARENT. Period. My wife did adolescent and child intakes at the local mental health consortium for two years. Add into that the vicitim behavior, which if your assessment is accurate - which is devilishly hard to do given your involvement, not impossible, but it makes is sooo hard - the your little boy IS going to learn that your wife's behaviors get you attention/control/what you want/ad naseum. Get him out of there yesterday.

Now you need to assess your own fitness as a parent. First, a child's job is hitting your hot buttons. They will get on your nerves, no matter how "perfect" the little darling is. Accept it, prepare for it, and work from there. You may want to see if your mother will help, but even from that, you must make him one of the primary, if not the primary (some people would argue this second with me - this is personal opinion), factor in your life. That and school, which is going to give you both a better life.

Which means your party life is over. Almost completely. I would recommend healthy after school activities, as many as your time allows. These include simply being with him. Children may complain, especially at first when they have been in a very permissive/fun environment, but that is what they want down deep at least early on.

Talk to him, and find out what he likes. Limit the TV and especially the video games. Are you short on money - cook together. Rice, beans, simple vegetables, and chicken quarters are inexpensive and not that hard to prepare. They are very cheap, and will keep in the fridge. Add soy sauce and a wok - presto, fried rice. Cooking classes can also be a great place to meet ladies.

Learn to read books together - my little girl loves it so much that is now her punishment, not getting to read with daddy . Get him in the boy scouts, in church groups, etc. but just like the mental health professionals, evaluate the leaders. Good luck to all of you.

BTW, I assume you are in your mid-late twenties? There are a fair number of women in their twenties out there who are the custodial parent due to becoming single mothers, divorce, etc. A man taking care of his little boy, with custody, who is good with kids need not have a non-existant love life. It must be discreet (well, it doesn't have to be, but it's a very good idea if you don't want to be a granddaddy in your thirties) but it can be very fulfilling. Good luck on getting past your own hang-ups/vulnerabilities, I started at 29 - and over a decade later I'm stilling working on it.

I need to sign off - my little girl just woke up and mommy is in study group for her comprehensive exams. "Read please". I asked her if she could choose some books while I finished writing a sad man, and she said "yes". She is now on my lap, recognizes what I am typing, and said "Horse" (she love's AH's picture and want's me to bring it up). Nothing is more worthwhile than being a parent.

	10-03-2005 03:33									#157
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Good advice Shawn. I'm in my mid thirties. I started late family life late, which was probably a good idea. I don't party anymore really. A lot of the women here at school are too young, but there are some in their late twenties.

	10-03-2005 03:41									#158
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Kid, why are you still screwing around and not secured a lawyer? Basically what I'm hearing is that your son's future isn't important enough to you to bother paying for sound legal advice.

	10-03-2005 04:14									#159
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I'm using a free legal service. I'm not sure what the funding is. You have to wait 2 weeks for an appointment, but I don't have money for a lawyer.

	10-03-2005 06:21									#160
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin Kid, why are you still screwing around and not secured a lawyer? Basically what I'm hearing is that your son's future isn't important enough to you to bother paying for sound legal advice.

I dont hear that at all. I hear that kid wants what is best for his son is a lot short of cash He also stated the kid is very fond of his mother and wants to see her. There is no need to get nasty with the soon to be ex. The two Parents need to remain as civil as possible. Believe it or not two divorcing people can be civil and remain that way. Me and my ex are very civil, Hell the man calls me more the twice a day to ***** about his new wife. The key here is to find out and make sure the woman is clean and work out agreeable terms in the best inerest of the kid.

	10-03-2005 07:39									#161
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious Ok. I got the hair from that disgusting *****. She tried to hug me. After I pushed her away she started in on me. Then she called the guy over that she's ****ing. He looks like he just got out of prison. He acts even more like he just got out of prison. He was trying to start a fight. I just told him that I don't give a **** about him, and that she's cheated on me with some many people that I really don't care anymore. What a ****ing whore she is. Anyway what do I do with the hair. I don't have a lawyer yet. Sprayber, I don't know of anyone in my family who would take custody of him, but I really do just want to make sure that he is safe from her.

Do not push her at any time, because if she thinks for a spit second, she calls the cops and you will arrested and any chanch that you might have in getting the boy will be gone forever. In fact when she is around you act like nothing is wrong until you have evidence again her.

	10-03-2005 08:02									#162
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quote: Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski I dont hear that at all. I hear that kid wants what is best for his son is a lot short of cash He also stated the kid is very fond of his mother and wants to see her. There is no need to get nasty with the soon to be ex. The two Parents need to remain as civil as possible. Believe it or not two divorcing people can be civil and remain that way. Me and my ex are very civil, Hell the man calls me more the twice a day to ***** about his new wife. The key here is to find out and make sure the woman is clean and work out agreeable terms in the best inerest of the kid.

I hope we can get along better divorced. We just have to get off of the blame game for **** that happened in the marriage. It's hard to not play when she starts up.

Joseph,

I have enough control over my anger to not do that. In fact, I never use violence. It never helps.

	10-03-2005 08:12									#163
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious I hope we can get along better divorced. We just have to get off of the blame game for **** that happened in the marriage. It's hard to not play when she starts up. Joseph, I have enough control over my anger to not do that. In fact, I never use violence. It never helps.

OK. Good luck.

	10-03-2005 08:15									#164
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thanx. Everything is going pretty good actually.

	10-03-2005 08:17									#165
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kid If im correct you said you were mid 30's As am I I know that if you keep your cool even at the hardest time remain civil to her she will be willing to work with you, this is all based on the fact that she aint using smack anymore. I forgot how old you said your son was but if hes that attatched to his mom taking him cold turkey could possible do alot more harm then good. Again based on whetehr she is off the ****. Instead of the blame game simple try and tell her look you f***** up and so did I lets move on.

	10-03-2005 08:24									#166
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Yeah. That's what I tell her. She doesn't want to let it go, but it's getting better.

	10-03-2005 08:29									#167
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Not to change the subjest off custody but is it possible the woman is still love with you and doesnt want you to go? Its very hard for people to admit wrong doing and even harder for them to own up. Its easier to blame and pout. I am glad to hear things are geting better You seem to have the level head here so as long as you keep to that all should look up during and after this process.

	10-03-2005 08:31									#168
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to her maybe she thinks she's in love with me. I don't call that love, but everyone is different.

	10-03-2005 08:39									#169
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For my divorce I asked my ex to leave he wasnt doing drugs we had 3 kids and when i asked him to leave he was pissed and devestated. I coudnt take his irresponsiblity anymore. The rapid change of jobs and no work got to me. He loved me then and i believe he still does. He likes tubes very much but after i asked him to leave before tubes He accused me of having an affair which was untrue and that was how he coped. Tubes didnt come into this piture till after we were seperated for 3 years. It took 4 or our divorce to be finalized cause We like you were poor. The divorce was un contested after a 11 year long marriage.

	10-03-2005 08:43									#170
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Does he work steady now?

	10-03-2005 08:45									#171
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My soon to be ex told be she got a job today. I don't know if it's true, but I hope so.

	10-03-2005 08:48									#172
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He does now. yes. He did for the first time 2 years into our seperation however he had already dated to many women and i dated one guy (a married Piece of S***) that i didnt know about for any getting back together. he wanted to but realisticly i wouldnt have worked cause the damage was already done. I have to be honest I love him but only as the father of my children. Im not in love with him and I will do what I can to help him. He would have me back i know He has stated so. but Im happy with tubes now and thats it.

	10-03-2005 08:50									#173
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I've got make together with my wife after I knew that she cheated on me, but I'm done with that now. The last time was too ugly. She did it to make me jealous and pissed off. It's bad for my son.

	10-03-2005 08:50									#174
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious My soon to be ex told be she got a job today. I don't know if it's true, but I hope so.

That right there is start if indeed she will start working. the most important thing here is to keep her sober and the happiness of you her and your kid. For if nobody is happy then all hell breaks lose.

	10-03-2005 08:53									#175
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I don't want her to fall apart. Then my son won't have a mother. Even if she has short falls she's still his mom. It's hard though because I don't want to enable her to do bad.

	10-03-2005 08:55									#176
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one thing i must say Very important stay involved with the divorce Tubes got F***** bad in his. his wife got everything only cause he didnt hire a lawyer and she did. S*** man he evenn ended up being charged for half of her lawyers fees she got the kid and property he got their debts and that. Watch your A** is a good statement here.

	10-03-2005 08:58									#177
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious I don't want her to fall apart. Then my son won't have a mother. Even if she has short falls she's still his mom. It's hard though because I don't want to enable her to do bad.

This is why you need to be civil and repsectful. If she gets nasty try to answer with kidness let it be known that your not stooping to that level. Try not to be accusatory when you talkto her and keep your third eye open for future drug use.

	10-03-2005 17:25									#178
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Mrs. Tuberski - good advice

	10-03-2005 22:48									#179
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quote: Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski one thing i must say Very important stay involved with the divorce Tubes got F***** bad in his. his wife got everything only cause he didnt hire a lawyer and she did. S*** man he evenn ended up being charged for half of her lawyers fees she got the kid and property he got their debts and that. Watch your A** is a good statement here.

Woh. Poor Tubes.

	11-03-2005 08:35									#180
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quote: Originally posted by Kidicious Woh. Poor Tubes.

The icing was the Idiot thats her nickname left him to start dating some 50 yo man The dumb ass is onlyabout 24 now I guess she found out tubes wasnt her cash cow. Well the rough times for him are that she has custody and he lives in tx and his kiddo in utah he sees her like once a year most of the time its for a month when we can convince the ding dong to let us bring her down to texas.