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Spiffor
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CPA - Evil Clone brigade
Nov 2001
time: 06:23
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Kid:
From what I read in this thread, you are so furious (and rightly so) that you are on the verge of making something stupid.
1) You seem to underestimate her. Now, you know her and I don't, but in my experience, it never helps to assume that your opponent is stupid.
2) You seem to think that everything you'll raise against her will increase your chances. However, that' not necessarily true: if you insist too much at stirring her ****, the judges may think of you as an angry husband, and they'll end up more sympathetic to her. You should really try hard to calm down before taking any action, and to ponder the consequences when you're level headed (you can be angry at toher times, when you're not pondering or taking action).
3) You seem not to precisely know the legal workings of a divorce and custody. Yet, when people tell you to take a lawyer first, they're absolutely right. If you act radhly (which you'll probably do because you are angry), and even if your action looks like common sense, you may very well end up ruining your case. And there won't be any opportunity to change the messed-up results afterwards, and your child will continue to suffer under her tutelage.
Really, ASK YOUR LAWYER FIRST, and talk to him about your ideas, and listen to him when he tells you what you should and shouldn't do. If you don't use professional advice, you may end up making the biggest mistake of your life. I mean it.
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Jon Miller
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if oyu try to do things without a lawyer it is likely they will just get worse...
JM
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Flubber
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With a view of the Rockies
Aug 2000
time: 22:23
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Don't know about your legal aid but legal aid here wouldn't do divorce or "civil matters" but they would help with child protection and child custody matters. It might seem like an artificial distinction but the preceedings can be very separate (depending on the legislation in your jurisdiction)---- I know in Canada, child custody stuff is usually worked out way before the divorce poceeding ( since the most common grounds here are based on a couple being separate and apart for a year)
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shawnmmcc
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Kidicious - calm down - and get the lawyer. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET CUSTODY WORKING ON YOUR OWN. Period. At least you didn't go into the apartment to get the hair, and hair can be identified as hers usually (there are some weird ins and out and certain hair samples are more expensive to ID, don't worry about that - however, you have no chain of custody, even if you prove it is hers). Get the lawyer FIRST, then proceed with PI, etc. Remember, no matter how mad you are, it's for your little boy. Use that to tell yourself to calm down, that you will do the hardest thing in your life you've ever done, and you will keep it on ICE until the lawyer tells you what to do. Please, for both your and your little boys sake. Most of the advice here has been for thing to run by THE LAWYER, remember there are good, bad, and average lawyers out there. Before you get a lawyer, check their success/loss ratios - it's part of the public record in most cases, unless sealed. You'll spend a fair bit of time at the courthouse, but see who gets men their custody - that is probably a good inidcator if they can do it consistantly. The lawyer will know the buttons of the judge you get if he's good, and will play the adultery card (disgusting, both in lawyers and judges who listen, but this calls for disgusting tactics), the past history card - some judges will pay attention, whatever the LAWYER says. The judge you are assigned is terribly critical, I would consider moving if it could get you a better venue.
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shawnmmcc
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Kid - also note what I said - DON'T start the custody pissing match now. Only do it when you can win it. You don't want her getting temporary custody, especially you don't want her establishing "He yells, he's potentially violent" et al. Not that you are, but courts will often take things solely on the woman's say so.
That is because of the number of times they have gotten burned with prosecuting a murder after the fact. It may not be fair, but there are reasons for the assumptions by the courts. TAKE IT EASY, GET THE LAWYER, and then start the fight. Doing exactly what the lawyer says.
Do the free consultation bit - but also go to the county courthouses where the lawyers practice, and check their record. You may also want to check with some single father's networks, I cannot remember their names. They deal with men who are trying to get custody or have their children, and may also be a source for a good lawyer.
Remember, though, that people often define successful as they like the individual, and they know the lawyer (who they like) tried to do everything. I don't care about feeling, I would only care about success if that was my little girl. The actual court records, and the relative success of the lawyers, will speak for themselves. Remember - TANSTAFL - There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. A good lawyer will not be cheap, will be busy, and may be very abrasive (not necessarily). Good luck.
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Spiffor
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CPA - Evil Clone brigade
Nov 2001
time: 06:23
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quote:
Originally posted by Kidicious
I said maybe my mom would pay for a lawyer. I still don't know. |
True, but she also suggested this: "she may let me stay with her rent free so that I can spend my last dollar on a lawyer". I'd imagine your Mom will indeed provide the housing when push comes to shove, even if the lawyer thing may be different. If you live at your Mom's and work, that's basically free money to hire a lawyer. Even a McJob can do the trick, when you don't have to pay rent.
quote:
And I can't postpone my studies. |
Why? From what I gather, you have already begun your studies quite late in your life (by that, I mean that you had time to work and to marry before starting your studies). So why would a one-semester/one-year break threaten them?
quote:
Chances are I will lose in court. |
The only thing that will weight against you (unless there are some things you didn't mention) is the fact that you're a man. OTOH, your wife has plenty of things put against them: she's a druggie. She has promiscuitous sex. She already lost one custody in the past.
I wouldn't call your case a slam dunk, but I feel it has reasonable chances to win, if your arguments aren't wasted by doing something rash (you have to appear "perfect")
So, why do you think you have such chances of losing?
quote:
If I were reasonably certain to win I would entertain that possibility. I still have to finish school for my son. He needs me to be a provider for him. I can't be stupid with money. |
Reading that, I think you have indeed already given up on the custody. Well, that's yours to decide, obviously. But it's sad to see you being discouraged before even trying. I fear that your discouragement is the one thing you'll regret most in your life 
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Kidicious
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Diety of Kidiverse
Mar 2003
time: 21:23
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quote:
Originally posted by Spiffor
quote:
And I can't postpone my studies. |
Why? From what I gather, you have already begun your studies quite late in your life (by that, I mean that you had time to work and to marry before starting your studies). So why would a one-semester/one-year break threaten them?
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1) It is already past the drop date.
2) The only money that I have is from the college loan for this semester. If I drop out I have to pay that back.
quote:
quote:
Chances are I will lose in court. |
The only thing that will weight against you (unless there are some things you didn't mention) is the fact that you're a man. OTOH, your wife has plenty of things put against them: she's a druggie. She has promiscuitous sex. She already lost one custody in the past.
I wouldn't call your case a slam dunk, but I feel it has reasonable chances to win, if your arguments aren't wasted by doing something rash (you have to appear "perfect")
So, why do you think you have such chances of losing?
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The only thing that I have a chance at is the drug use, and all she has to do is stay clean before the test, and maybe only for a couple of days because of her drug of choice. I have to hope for the drug test to be positive, and that is out of my control. Who knows maybe she will stop using?
quote:
Reading that, I think you have indeed already given up on the custody. Well, that's yours to decide, obviously. But it's sad to see you being discouraged before even trying. I fear that your discouragement is the one thing you'll regret most in your life |
I don't know how it is in France, but in the US if the women wants custody she can get it no problem. If she can't take care of the child and she willingly gives up custody that's another matter, but that's not my wife. She want's custody and unless she ****s up she will get it. Judges don't care about adultry or anything else.
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Tingkai
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To find the Northwest Passage
Aug 2001
time: 13:23
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Somewhere inside my soul there is an echo of my youth
Some pithy little saying that contained a grain of truth
If patience is a virtue, persistence is its mark
It's better to light a candle than stand and curse the dark
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
...
Sometimes it seems a motion is strictly retrograde
There are so many reverses to advances that you've made
The things you thought were changing have shuddered to a halt
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
...
It isn't for the faint of heart to bet when odds are long
And neither is it easy to be right in face of wrong
You must proceed from strength to strength, although the road is rough
And sometimes human courage just isn't quite enough
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
Hold your ground
Hold your ground
Oh this world is changing
-- James Keelaghan
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22-02-2005 18:54
You and you're son don't deserve her crap, do what it takes, and like people said get a lawyer.
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