26-03-2005 13:48									#1
	The Co-Habitation thread. Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

OK, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about nine weeks, and I considered it way to early to start thinking about moving in together, however she has suggested we do just that. I have my own house and I'm currently looking for a house mate or two but I'm not really sure if 9 weeks into a relationship is the right time to commit to something this serious. Of course she is paying way to much for her room and one of her house mates is a total slobby ***** who makes snide comments every time my girlfriend brings friends over but just because it is convent doesn't mean it makes sense.

The GF housemate used to make sharp comments when I would stay over but after I started making comments back to her and started ripping on her she started to leave me alone. Not the most mature solution but an effective solution none the less. OK, so the million dollar question. Who here has cohabitated and did it turn out well? How long were you dating before you started cohabitating and do you have any regrets about doing so? I do love my girlfriend and I do see things progressing in the future but right now we're still in the puppy love stag so I don't want to make any rash moves. Yes, it would be financially better for us, and it would be a nice pre-marriage training, but I'm not sure I want to get married. Heaven forbid we should break up and we already have all of our things intermingled.

	26-03-2005 13:53									#2
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

After nine weeks? Are you out of your mind?

edit: OK, after reading the rest of your post, I find you have an appropriate amount of reticence. Sorry about the above; I felt I had to warn you as soon as possible...

	26-03-2005 14:35									#3
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Too early dude.

If you break up with her you then have to continue to see her every day.

	26-03-2005 14:38									#4
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Wait until you break up, then move in together .....

	26-03-2005 14:52									#5
	Tired of ads?

That's my feeling; to early. For those of you who have co-habitated how long did it go on before you took the plunge?

	26-03-2005 15:18									#6
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

tubes and me
talked for about 4 months phone and internet spent a week together and then a week apart, after that he moved here. We have been living together every since. And we are not legally married

	26-03-2005 15:28									#7
	Inflate your Upload Space

Co-habitating is taking the plunge. It's way too early. You better know you can trust her first. 9 weeks isn't enough, especially since you hinted that you would be doing it for financial reasons.

	26-03-2005 15:32									#8
	Get a bigger avatar today!

I forgot to add we have been together for 4 years now and gowing strong, if you dont want to get into the deep relationship make it a roomate deal

	26-03-2005 17:27									#9
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

don't ever let a girl move in with you - I let Mrs horse move in with me and she wouldn't leave - 12 years later she's still telling me to leave....

	26-03-2005 17:33									#10
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

Oerdin, if you and her click then where's the harm? Heck you've even mentioned the 'M' word!

That would say to me that your pretty keen on her, easily keen enough to share a place. If it helps you both out in making your relationship easier(no annoying flat mate), then why not go for it?

My current gf moved in with me after 1 week - we just got on well, and i knew deep down we'd make it work. So far so good(3+years and counting). Of course i wasn't sure about it at first, i liked my space etc. But in the end love is a rare commodity to find, so dont let it slip you by dude.

Fortune favours the brave as they say

EDIT: are you maybe just worried she'll give you a hard time over beer cans being left around etc?

good luck to both of you - the world needs more love

Last edited by child of Thor on 26-03-2005 at 17:40

	26-03-2005 18:14									#11
	Increase Your PM Length

Spent a week together in spain (met in Frankfurt). Wrote and phoned for a couple of months. Then spent a month together in Stockholm. Wrote and phoned for a couple of months. Then got married in Motala (Sweden). That was 25 years ago.

OTOH, if you have to think about this stuff (ie you're unsure) maybe you should wait.

	26-03-2005 19:06									#12
	Increase the size of your Attachments

"Who here has cohabitated and did it turn out well? "

Yes. We've been married ten years, co-habitated before that for three-four years.

"How long were you dating before you started cohabitating and do you have any regrets about doing so?"

Four years and no.

	26-03-2005 19:07									#13
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski tubes and me talked for about 4 months phone and internet spent a week together and then a week apart, after that he moved here. We have been living together every since. And we are not legally married

You are if you pass yourself off as *being* married, Mrs Tuberski.

	26-03-2005 19:18									#14
	Re: The Co-Habitation thread. Full PM-box? Change here!

quote: Originally posted by Oerdin OK, so the million dollar question. Who here has cohabitated and did it turn out well? How long were you dating before you started cohabitating and do you have any regrets about doing so?

Started co-habiting with Mrs Gimp after we'd been going out for two years. Cohabited for two years. Married eight years and counting.

	26-03-2005 19:29									#15
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

IMHO, 9 weeks is too early. But again I never had cohabitated with any of my exs so...

	26-03-2005 20:46									#16
	Put an end to popups!

Give it a shot. You don't want to end up old and single and bitter like me.

	26-03-2005 20:47									#17
	Support Apolyton

what coT said.

	26-03-2005 20:57									#18
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

Bunnygrrl more or less moved in about a month after we started sleeping together (Jan 1991--we didn't start dating until sometime after that), though not officially, and she would go home for a day or two every week or so. We offiially moved in together after about seven months, then got into a huge fight with our roommates and moved out, but having no place else to go, moved back in without our respective mothers one year after we started our relationship. In Nov'. 93, we moved in together for several years, but in '95 I told her she had to get her own place, because I wanted her to take care of herself for a while, instead of relying on me for everything, but she was back within a couple months, and we've lived together ever since.

As for you, Oerdin, I would strongly advise against it. When you let someone move in with you, you make a contract to let them live there. If things went' badly, you could conceivably be forced to allow her to remain in your house while you tried to evict her in the courts. California is the home of "palimony." I didn't own squat, so I could afford to let someone shack up with me. You gotta house. Don't do it unless you're sure.

	26-03-2005 21:00									#19
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: but in '95 I told her she had to get her own place, because I wanted her to take care of herself for a while, instead of relying on me for everything

You heartless bastard!!! It's just a measure of her decency that she didn't dump your sad ass.

	26-03-2005 21:12									#20
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

i've had ups and downs with this. i do agree that nine weeks is too early, but i've had someone move in with me at less than that. things would likely have worked out had it not been for other circumstances.

	26-03-2005 21:12									#21
	Support Apolyton

quote: Originally posted by Agathon quote: but in '95 I told her she had to get her own place, because I wanted her to take care of herself for a while, instead of relying on me for everything You heartless bastard!!! It's just a measure of her decency that she didn't dump your sad ass.

Is that a chick or a guy?

	26-03-2005 21:15									#22
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote: Originally posted by self biased i've had ups and downs with this. i do agree that nine weeks is too early, but i've had someone move in with me at less than that. things would likely have worked out had it not been for other circumstances.

Stop typing in italics. It's annoying.

	26-03-2005 21:15									#23
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

Too early dude, I'd say at least six months. Why not go away for a couple of days and see how that pans out.

	26-03-2005 21:15									#24
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

"Look if you really loved me you'd go get your own place, then i could come and sponge of you for abit, and no constant free sex isn't enough. pack your bags and come back when you've made something of yourself" - Che to bunnygirl(alleged)

	26-03-2005 21:17									#25
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by TCO Stop typing in italics. It's annoying.

Why, nothing wrong with it

	26-03-2005 21:18									#26
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

quote: Originally posted by TCO Stop typing in italics. It's annoying.

stop whining about it. it's equally annoying.

	26-03-2005 21:34									#27
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

I dunno, its a toss up. I'm contemplating the same thing now, sorta, but its only been like a month, and we aren't seriously considering living together yet, but I am lobbying hard to get her to move to my area. I think if we did live together it would work, but I'm put off by the very idea of it so soon.

We've both ruled out the idea of living together yet, but I think we both kinda figure if she was closer we'd be practically living together anyhow.

I am amazed though at the people here who shacked up almost immediately and then had it last for years. I think that provides some good evidense to support what I (and possibly Oerdin) am thinking right now, that sometimes you just know.

As a rational person, I worry just like Oerdin is, that thinking about living together or marriage or anything so soon is crazy. But if everything feels right, and you are in love, and its a person you just click with and feel you could spend your life together with, then.... maybe taking the chance is worth it. Rationality be damned.

	26-03-2005 21:44									#28
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

Living together isnt the same as being married, its not as heavy as all that.

But from what some people have said here in cautionary terms does make we wonder if you have a different law in the usa to the uk for this?

The house is Oerdins right, so there shouldn't be any danger say if in 6months time its not working out and he asks her to leave?(thats how it is in the uk). Unless she gets him to sign the house over to both there names everything should be fine if it doesn't work out?

But then i know you have this huge litegation thing in america, so maybe there are legal issues i'm not aware of. If so my advice would change accordingly.

	26-03-2005 21:47									#29
	Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by child of Thor The house is Oerdins right, so there shouldn't be any danger say if in 6months time its not working out and he asks her to leave?(thats how it is in the uk).

Did you read my post? This is exactly why he shouldn't have her move in until he's sure, cuz once she's in, she'll be almost impossible to kick out. In addiction, he could conceivably find himself paying for her to stay someplace else once he's successfully evicted her.

	26-03-2005 21:49									#30
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

Why not just drive to Vegas and get married?