17-05-2005 18:46									#31
	Inflate your Upload Space

look now i am curious what kind of Man would you like then?

-----intelligent, articulate, gentle, sincere, honest, trustworthy, sober, funny, loves animals, not overly neat, unobsessive, nonmanipulative, uncontroling,
forgiving, accepting...did i say saintlike... lol
i want to fall in love with someone who is my best friend
first...

-------------------------------------------------------------------
What sorts of things did you do to change your patterns?

-----lots of therapy mostly.. the work involved there is
truly looking in the mirror and at my history...
finding the patterns ..finding the triggers .
actually now when i meet someone after just a few
conversations i can tell if they are dancing the same music i used to be attracted to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Everything is much easier when you´re two, boann. Sharing thoughts and discussing politics, art, philosophy, movies, etc... To belong to someone and have that someone belong to you.

----true, but i have good friends that i can have those conversations with

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Security.
Constant assurance you are loved and valued.
Company.
Someone to dump everything on when things get tough without worrying they will get sick of it and leave.
Someone to wake you up snoring, leave dirty socks under the bed, play bad music, take possession of the tv, crash in at 3am blind drunk, make half arsed attempts at fry ups when completely hungover......you always miss it when it's gone. Despite loving being single, I can't deny it's lonely sometimes. I reckon all the above are basic human requirements, even if we don't want to admit to them.

--------im secure in myself.
don't need or want constant reasurance.
been there done that... whew..
i know im loveable and valued because i am those things. no one needs to validate that for me.
uh no thanks.. ill do without all of the dirty socks, bad music, tv control issues, drunken slobering sob's
i don't miss that , not one little bit.
basic human requirements..... i don't think so..
seek therapy my friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
-Make you nice diners
-Take you out on a nice night
-Empty the groceries from the car
-Cut the grass
-Fix your car
-Fix things around the house
-Give you massages
-Comfort you when you are down
-Give you a different opinion or a different view on anything
-Hold you while watching a scary movie
-Spoon on the couch
-He's a partner for any vacation, activity or sport
-Make you scream like a banchy

ok.. those are pretty good reasons...
but you could do a lot of those with a good friend too.
without having to live with them.

	17-05-2005 18:48									#32
	Support Apolyton

also the scream like a banchy part?

	17-05-2005 18:49									#33
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

making a family together (like children and all that) is the one advantage of being in a relationship

financial security is another (as is emotional security...)

basically I think for relatinoships you have to sacrifice...

Jon Miller

	17-05-2005 18:51									#34
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

quote: seek therapy my friend.

May not be a bad idea for you too....denial is a terrible thing

	17-05-2005 18:52									#35
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

that is kinda strange to say.

quote: financial security is another (as is emotional security...)

and then

quote: basically I think for relatinoships you have to sacrifice...

that kinda contradicts...what is there to sacrifice if basically all you need in life is emotional security?

	17-05-2005 18:55									#36
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

you have to sacrifice a lot of your personal comfort or yourself

like having someone (possibly) who snores.. who gets drunk.....who leaves their dirty underwear in the bathroom.... who makes mistakes and pisses you off... who makes you do things you don't want to do... who makes you change basically.

Jon Miller

	17-05-2005 18:58									#37
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

if your emotional stability doesnt change in general after all these things because you are still happy with that person i would say that you dont have to sacrifice anything. a perfect relationship doesnt exist but a happy one does

	17-05-2005 19:05									#38
	Re: why Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by boann why do i need a man...?

because you want to ?

	17-05-2005 19:11									#39
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

I think that is the only good reason..

Jon Milelr

	17-05-2005 19:12									#40
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: why do i need a man...?

Because God is a misogynist and this is his idea of a joke.

	17-05-2005 19:22									#41
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

quote: Originally posted by DeathByTheSword also the scream like a banchy part?

esp that part...

	17-05-2005 19:24									#42
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

freaky

	17-05-2005 19:24									#43
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

quote: Originally posted by Verres May not be a bad idea for you too....denial is a terrible thing

lol: i am in therapy... im sure i said that

	17-05-2005 19:26									#44
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

how is therapy?

I am sort of scared of it

but I think I might need it

Jon Miller

	17-05-2005 19:27									#45
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

<- only member of my family who hasn't tried it at least once

Jon Miller

	17-05-2005 19:28									#46
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by boann esp that part...

A friend can never make you do that. Unless it's somekind of miracle. It takes a while until you make a girl flip-out in bed. Of course most people dont know this on poly cuz you're all such geeks and virgins but it's like a leather shoe, it takes time to fit right and be cumfy. Theres no better sex than the one month later sex. You know what he likes and he knows what you like.
So, imo, it takes a mate to have great sex. Otherwise there's no banchy....just the "How was it?" ackward moment. Oh and btw, for all you noobs never ask this, it makes you seem like you lack confidence. If she asks you OTOH, it means you have the upper hand.

	17-05-2005 19:33									#47
	Remove this text

quote: Originally posted by DeathByTheSword freaky

Freaky? How? You think girls want to hear sweet words in bed when then have their knees pined down behind their head? Dude, no. They want to hear turn on words, like, I dont know....Hammer me like chop meat! **** PIG!!

	17-05-2005 19:34									#48
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

quote: Originally posted by Skywise Of course most people dont know this on poly cuz you're all such geeks and virgins

I still don't understand where this prejudice come from. Most people here are married, or are/were in a long term relationship. We probably have more virgins among our young adults than in other circles, but virgin young adults are definitely not our main demographics.

	17-05-2005 19:34									#49
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

clearly you and i have a different standard of sex...but ok like i already said i am bad at it

	17-05-2005 19:35									#50
	Got spare money?

quote: Originally posted by Skywise You think girls want to hear sweet words in bed when then have their knees pined down behind their head?

Depends of the time and of the girl. Heck, depends of the man too

	17-05-2005 19:41									#51
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by Skywise A friend can never make you do that.

Wrong.

	17-05-2005 19:42									#52
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote: Originally posted by Jon Miller you have to sacrifice a lot of your personal comfort or yourself like having someone (possibly) who snores.. who gets drunk.....who leaves their dirty underwear in the bathroom.... who makes mistakes and pisses you off... who makes you do things you don't want to do... who makes you change basically. Jon Miller

no thanks... ive spent too many years sacrificing for
something that was more important to me than it was to them. end the end losing who i am .. losing sight of
what was important to me.. just to try to make someone happy .. that wasn't happy with anything.. no matter what was given.

im not seeking perfection... i love a persons humanity..
snoring ... i miss my husbands snoring actually...
don't mind a bit of a mess as long as they don't nominate me their personal 24-7 maid...
don't mind an occational drink... but no i don't have to
live with a drunk...and i won't ever again.

------------------------------------------

how is therapy.... its been the best thing ive ever done.
if you do decide to try it... make sure you find someone who you relate to and who doesn't just sit there and listen... but has things to say ... who can show you the missing links... look around .. don't just take the first one you go to ... unless of course that one works for you.

i believe if you think you need it... then you probably do.

actually therapy has been the hardest thing ive done
it takes a lot of self honesty... and a willingness to
open up and be emotionally naked with your therapist.
so finding the right person is critical.
there is something about talking with someone who can be totally trusted to not tell your secrets and who is trained not to be judgemental but helpful instead.

	17-05-2005 19:44									#53
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

quote: Originally posted by Spiffor I still don't understand where this prejudice come from. Most people here are married, or are/were in a long term relationship. We probably have more virgins among our young adults than in other circles, but virgin young adults are definitely not our main demographics.

I did a poll

~35% of apolyton is a virgin

Jon Miller

	17-05-2005 19:46									#54
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by Jon Miller ~35% of apolyton is a virgin

And 65% isn't

That's why I don't understand why some people here assume that they're only speaking at virgins.

	17-05-2005 19:47									#55
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

those are all possibilities... problems people have (There are a lot more)

I don't know, if not for the really wanting someone

it is definitely easier to be alone

JOn Miller
(have been so for 24.5 years)

	17-05-2005 19:48									#56
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

quote: Originally posted by Spiffor I still don't understand where this prejudice come from. Most people here are married, or are/were in a long term relationship. We probably have more virgins among our young adults than in other circles, but virgin young adults are definitely not our main demographics.

Spiff, first off I was joking. Second my joke is based on the "Are you a virgin" poll where 40% of OT Polyers were in fact virgins. As for the geek part must be atleast 75% of the people here. It's not a prejudice, everyone here says this.

	17-05-2005 19:50									#57
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

it got down below 40% before ming closed it

Jon Miller
(at it's top it was at 66% virgin)

	17-05-2005 19:50									#58
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

It wasn't you in particlular, Spec. This myth is a pet gripe of mine these days.

	17-05-2005 19:51									#59
	Support Apolyton

boann, why don't you train young men? I'm sure there are plenty of young 20 somethings who need to learn how to have sex, how to behave towards women, etc. Consider it your personal mission to educate as many of them as you can.

	17-05-2005 19:53									#60
	Suffering from ads?

A friend can never make you do that. Unless it's somekind of miracle.

lol... i see che agrees with me on this...
sex can be totally seperate from love and devotion.
even really amazing ceiling sex..

thats one of the reasons i said in the first post
to leave out the sexual reasons.

i do believe that sex is ideal in a loving relationship.
but good sex doesn't depend on length of time spent
together nor on love.

ive gone over a year now celibate.. just to see
how i feel about it ... and i think i will be continuing
that for quite some time.