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Whaleboy
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Please make all cheques payable to Whaleboy
Jan 2003
time: 05:20
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Top deck, iPod blasting Shakira at full volume  , reading a battered copy of "A Rendezvous in Averoigne when I suddenly become aware of the fact that my lungs are about to explode.
My hayfever is pretty bad at the moment, last night's storm and the amount of pollen in the air wasn't exactly helping, but I start coughing like an Englishman in a Pekka thread. This bloke sitting at the back, clearly too stupid to read the large "No Smoking" stickers on EACH ****ing window, the ceiling, and the back of every seat, had lit up.
He didn't give the impression of being a ****er. I don't mean to sound like a bigot when I say that but it's fairly easy to tell which people are likely to go around throwing pint glasses into people's faces on a saturday night. He wasn't one of them.
There were about 5 or 6 people on the top deck, two I later found out were asthmatics and were clearly uncomfortable, but this guy was sitting back happy as larry.
Anyway I picked up my phone and put it to my ear, as though someone were calling though obviously no-one was.
"Hi"
"Yeah it's Ben"
*lots of coughing, spluttering*
"No I'll be ok, there's a complete arsehole on this bus who thinks his nicotine fix is more important than other people getting lung cancer"
*more coughing*
So anyway I pretend it's a fast call and 'hang up'. This guy starts giving me dirty looks so I walk over to him and ask if he has a problem, and flick the cig from his hand. It landed on his lap which I was quite proud of so while he was busy flicking it off I sat back down.
The idiot lit up again!! 
We get to the bus station, he walks to get off first and flicks the cigarette at me, so in the process of kicking him down the stairs I stub his cigarette out on his hand and spit in his face, explaining politely that he's a '****ing selfish ****', among other things.
The top deck starts cheering me and pat me on the back as they all get off.
Me feel good!
Last edited by Whaleboy on 30-06-2005 at 01:37
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C0ckney
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Big Up The Macedonian Massive
Apr 2000
time: 05:20
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i suppose the saddest part of this is that you probably feel proud of yourself now :/
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30-06-2005 01:20
to Whaleboy, a true Supercitizen
ACK!
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