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Guynemer
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Laz speaks the truth, mon ami. I've been there.
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OzzyKP
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Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:37
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quote:
Originally posted by paiktis22
_See I dunno, is every weekend too much to expect?
I don't think there's a fixed recipee for these things. Depends. Depends how you feel too. If you feel it isn't too much to expect then it probably isn't. I knew a girl we used to see eachother every night and if one night we didn't see eachother it was like not normal. But we lived close to eachother. Then a friend of mine is with a girl who he only sees at summers and they're alright but they are planning on moving in together later on.
Personally I wouldn't like very much to be told that "I wish I could tell you this was just something temporary, but I can't."
She seems a bit more layed back about it than you are. That's... unpleasant. But if you feel she's making an effort then maybe ok. But to wait for her to be inspired by the holy spirit to come and see you, kind of sucks. |
Yea i know there isn't a set recepee, I was just trying to figure if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a legitimate complaint here. No doubt I'd feel bad regardless, but I'd have a better frame of reference. But yea, she does seem more laid back about it.
And I'm not yet to the point where I am going to be giving out ultimatums or breaking up with her. I do love her, and the solution to not seeing her enough is not to stop seeing her altogether.
Plus I've never been the type to bounce between girls and have many in the queue. Usually I'll date a girl for several months, then be single for several months. I was single for a year and a half before I met this one, and no way do I want to face that again right now.
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OzzyKP
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Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:37
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quote:
Originally posted by korn469
Ozzy, in my experience long distance relationships aren't worth the extra effort it takes to make them last, unless you totally, utterly, insanely love that person. Long distance relationships requires complete trust, and if you don't totally trust the person disturbing thoughts will fill your mind once circumstances prevents you from seeing your significant other. Also long distance relationships give ample opportunities for two people to drift apart, or to find completely opposite directions in life. It puts more pressure on you because since you have fewer moments together they need to be wonderful. That can lead to a great deal of stress. However, if you're lucky then when you get to be with that person every single moment is pure magic.
*korn469 is nearly a three year veteran of long distance relationships |
btw, just wanted to quick say that this statement was quite helpful. And while we haven't been doing it long enough perhaps for some of these problems to fully manifest, some have, and I can see this all as quite true. Thanks korn.
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Sn00py
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From New Zealand
Aug 2001
time: 13:37
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My experience has been different to some here; I am from Christchurch, New Zealand, I had a long distance relationship with a girl from Singapore, each year we would see each other for 1 month, I would travel there one year, then she would travel the next year, we did this 4 times; now, this year, finally I am here to stay (have a job in Singapore) and we are getting married next year.
So you see, long distance relationships do work and not only do they work, but because of the fact that you have to rely on other means of communication to get to know each other, you both blend in slower and stronger; so there's no rush; rushing weakens the relationship.
And don't forget, during WW1 and 2, soldiers had penpals with women they never knew back in their home country; when the war ended, they met up and most would get married.
So there are two very important and very powerful paths that are forced upon you; Trust and Committment, if you fail because its long distance, then you would have failed if it were short distance too, but if you succeed, then the relationship will be stronger than if it were short distance; because you have had to endure more to reach your goal.
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mrmitchell
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Ozzy I must tell you, no, I mean I might could understand a long distance relationship, but when you said she doesnt even give you undivided attention when you're with her, that put me firmly in the "no" camp. If I were you I would find someone I can be with, someone who wants to be with me.
But Ted is right. Listen to your gut. It knows you better than the rest of us.
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OzzyKP
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Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:37
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Its her family. When she is away from her mom and out of her house she is wonderful, but her mom... ugh.. what a horrible woman. Next week she should be down for a few days here, I'll see how that goes. Without her mom & brothers around she should be fine. Then she goes to Europe for two-weeks.
When she gets back she'll be unemployed, so things will change again. She'll have more time for me certainly at that point. But if/when she gets a permanent job, who knows what'll happen. She is looking for jobs in New York, Philly, and DC. I think her heart is really in New York though. Obviously my preference is DC.
All I can do at this point is wait and see I suppose. If she gets a great job offer in DC this whole problem might just go away. If she moves to New York, who knows it might get better, it might get worse.
My hunch though is that she is going to be stuck at home for a while, and not much will change. But we'll see.
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Drogue
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Omnipresent conscience
Oct 2002
time: 05:37
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quote:
Originally posted by korn469
Ozzy, in my experience long distance relationships aren't worth the extra effort it takes to make them last, unless you totally, utterly, insanely love that person. Long distance relationships requires complete trust, and if you don't totally trust the person disturbing thoughts will fill your mind once circumstances prevents you from seeing your significant other. Also long distance relationships give ample opportunities for two people to drift apart, or to find completely opposite directions in life. It puts more pressure on you because since you have fewer moments together they need to be wonderful. That can lead to a great deal of stress. However, if you're lucky then when you get to be with that person every single moment is pure magic. |
I do see the difficulties, but I wouldn't necessarily agree with the conclusion. I've found there are also many positives to having distance in a relationship:
When you do get to spend time together, it's usually for a few days solidly (like a weekend) rather than just a couple of hours on a date
It makes the time you spend together feel more special - it may add stress that you have to make it so, but often I find it just is so
Missing each other makes you realise your emotions more - it's harder to fool yourself into an emotion if you have time apart
Absence makes the heart grow fonder - maybe not always, but I find that it does often
You don't have the stress of continual contact
You don't have to do anything to have 'alone time' if you need it
You don't have to constantly tell them you can't come out if you've been given a huge work assignment or somesuch
There are negatives, as you've mentioned, but there are also positives. I don't think long distance relationships necessarily are bad, or even worse than shorter distance ones. I quite like the fact that during the week I have time to work, get my studies done and at the weekend can relax and spend time with my girlfriend. Sure, I don't get to see her as much as I want, but it makes it much nicer when our jobs take us to the same city and one of us rings up with a "I happen to be in your city, can I come and stay over?". Though when the 3 hour train ride turns into a 10 hour train/plane/train trip to see her, it may put more of a stress on things.
We are very lucky in that her job takes her to Oxford often, and we run the same society in different unis so meet up at conferences a lot. Plus I spend my short holidays in Sheffield, which is always nice.
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25-07-2005 03:59
on the weekends. I care about her enough that I'm willing to wait for her to come back. Three months and thirteen hours ahead it a pain to deal with, but we've learned to deal with it by lost of communication, especially by e-mails. Written communication has really kept us together. We talk on the phone three times a week; the only problem with that is she usually determines when we talk. I don't make enough to purchase a lot of phone cars, so she has to call me (it's cheap to call the US from Japan). The only time I call is for ten mintues at a time on an expensive phone card to wish her a good day.
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