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Jon Miller
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quote:
Originally posted by Flubber
As for orientation, I think its more a range/spectrum than people think and that there are all sorts of people that probably don't even know where they are.
A female friend of mine, who very much liked men and sex with men, is now in a relationship with a woman (who also had no prior homosexual relations). It was two "hetero" women that shared some interest and became friends. They spent more and more time together until they realized they were more than friends and then they progressed things in a romantic way.
My friend is now in love with this woman and they are thinking of getting married and starting a family. Is she "gay"? She says that she still finds more men attractive than she does women and IF her relationship were ever to end, she would probably be more likely to date men than women. At the same time, her expectation and feeling is that sh will be in this relationship "forever".
I can remember when Asher always proclaimed himself as "bi" |
I think that, if she does truly like men better and is not just lying (probably to herself) because of old societal pressures, she will end up being unsatisfied with her relationship because it isn't right for her
not if by that time she is fairly unsexed (which happens to people, even if they weren't always such) then it won't really matter
if your sexuality didn't really matter for your relationships
then you wouldn't see all the homosexuals not being able to be satisfied in heterosexual relationships (and I know of many that really really tried)
sure you can have really good freinds, and even possibly have romantic parts start (particularly if you/they are not dating anyone else, and/or are adventerous)
but I don't think that such a relationship would be truly satisfying (if sex remains important to you)
btw, the average straight person (in a study I saw from this guy, pretty well known) with this one gene has on average a little under one homosexual partner.. so it isn't that uncommon (Without the gene (which is related in risk taking and the like) the average is very close to 0)
there is also huge pressure to only be bi, or any other excuse to not admit to being gay, as we have all seen very very often...
btw, if I thought that gay people could be happy/satisfied in hetero relationships I would support that, because I think that it would be better for society structurally as well as genetically
Jon Miller
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Max Webster
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I'm not gay either.
Like my titties and beer a little too much.
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Max Webster
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quote:
Originally posted by Japher
do you have nice titties? |
Yes very nice, but they are getting about as large as my big round beer belly.
I guess I could always use them as playthings.
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Jon Miller
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btw (what I was just thinking of)
I think that there are 4 (non perverted) components of sex
1. procuration
This is arguably the least important, especailly now days.
2. physical release
Very important (perhaps most important) for a lot of people. This is why people masturbate, why (most) prison inmates have gay sex.
3. expression of love
Also very important. Note however that families don't(shouldn't) express love this way, and most people don't think that freinds should.
4. attraction
Also very important. Note that this is probably the number one cause of cheating and the like.
Now all of these (but the first) are important, and people are hurting themselves by denying parts. A person (and their lover) can completely control parts 2 and 3. But part 4 is independent (mostly) from control by either party (at least concsiously).
Note, I wonder what with sex changing if 4 can't be fixed nowadays. Like if your partner comes out as having a different sexuality, can you change your sex and still stay together? That would be a pretty big change I think.
Now if two people are together, and they have the physical component (which anyone can have together) and the love component (which any couple can have together, is independent of sex I think) thety can stay together for a while, and maybe be happy also. But I think that if they don't have the 4th (if one persons sexuality is different, if they are attracted to a different sex then their partner is) and sex remains important in their lives, that unhappiness and other problems will occur.
Jon Miller
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Jon Miller
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just for that I should post another long theorizing post
JM
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Flubber
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With a view of the Rockies
Aug 2000
time: 22:37
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quote:
Originally posted by Jon Miller
I think that, if she does truly like men better and is not just lying (probably to herself) because of old societal pressures, she will end up being unsatisfied with her relationship because it isn't right for her
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Well she seems blissfully happy and completely in love. I think it is a case where she found the person that was right for her and it just happened to be a woman. Their relationship developed and only after they were pretty much in love with each other did it become sexual/physical.
She feared the first kiss and first sexual contact would be awkward but says it wasn't. Her comment to me was "you know how sex with someone you truly love is just so much better . . .)
Why would the fact that she still finds some men attractive detract from that in any way??
quote:
Originally posted by Jon Miller
if your sexuality didn't really matter for your relationships
then you wouldn't see all the homosexuals not being able to be satisfied in heterosexual relationships (and I know of many that really really tried)
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Where did I say sexuality doesn't matter to relationships? I believe its a spectrum. There are people on either end but there are also lots of people that feel a varying degeree of attraction to both genders. All I do is reject the labels. Obviously a person that is predominantly attracted to one gender will have less happy sexual relationships with the other gender
quote:
Originally posted by Jon Miller
btw, the average straight person (in a study I saw from this guy, pretty well known) with this one gene has on average a little under one homosexual partner.. so it isn't that uncommon (Without the gene (which is related in risk taking and the like) the average is very close to 0)
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Interesting. In theory, if homosexual behavior were considered equally acceptable as heterosexual behavior this relationship would disappear??
QUOTE] Originally posted by Jon Miller
there is also huge pressure to only be bi, or any other excuse to not admit to being gay, as we have all seen very very often...
Jon Miller [/QUOTE]
Hmm-- I didn't realize there was huge pressure to be bi. My friend hopes to marry a woman so she will be pretty much obvious with her gay relationship. I asked her if she considered herself "bi" and her rersponse was that she didn't like that label since it sounded like she would go back and forth regularly-- If things go as she wants, she will only be with one gender, her partner , for the rest of her life.
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Jon Miller
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quote:
Originally posted by Flubber
Hmm-- I didn't realize there was huge pressure to be bi. My friend hopes to marry a woman so she will be pretty much obvious with her gay relationship. I asked her if she considered herself "bi" and her rersponse was that she didn't like that label since it sounded like she would go back and forth regularly-- If things go as she wants, she will only be with one gender, her partner , for the rest of her life. |
bi is fundamentally unstable, every bi person I have known who is not a hedonist has come down on one side or another in the long term..
and I don't beleive in a spectrum (I think that is obvious)
I just don't think that the genes that determine sexuality are that complicated..
now I said that there was 4ish components
if 2 and 3 are strong, of course 4 can be ignored for a while... maybe forever even (depending on the persons sexual interest and age)
I don't think that it is stable though
Jon Miller
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Jon Miller
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based upon your description of her, I would call her straight, but in a homosexual relationship.. or in denial
JM
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11-08-2005 20:53
If he's strong enough, it'll just create a hateful and noxious soul-toxin inside of him. If he's not, he'll die. Either way, the world benefits. 
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