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lightblue
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L'Boro, UK
Oct 2001 time: 05:24
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Hmm you really seem to be in a bad way. By the end of my period as a PhD I was completely depressed, didn't want to socailise with people, even avoided my housemates. I found that for me sport (and adrenaline in particular) really helped. It teaches you how to set goals and how to get to them. And physical well being results in mental well being. As well as increasing your chances of getting laid obviously... Once I got out my depressive stage, I found i was better able to make decisions, so I quit my PhD and started this MSc. On the same note once I got out of this stage I got a really cute (now ex) girlfriend within weeks, which is just about the best way to increase your selfconfidence.
The main thing is to raise your confidence. Find something your good at, and do it until you feel good about yourself. In my case it is sports, in your case it might be something completely different. Start planning your future, set targets and try to achieve them. Reward yourself when you do.
Don't get too focused on job interviews, I genreally find that the more relaxed you go into interviews the more likely you are to get it (I went to an interview for my PhD at cambridge, with the absolute thought that there was not a cats chance in hell of me getting it so I just went and was myself, and got the place).
I have said it before and i'll say it again, medication is not a solution. Neither is alcohol or drugs. All they do is mask or increase the effects. Paying for sex is only going to completely wallop whatever shreds of selfbelief you have.
In a way AH is right. You have to realise that you are being too hard on yourself and that you have to snap out of wallowing in your own self pity however strangely comforting it may be. It might take some time but you just have to force yourself to do the things you don't think you can do.
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Dr Strangelove
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When you go to your doctor the first thing you need to say to him/her is: "I think I'm depressed". That will focus the doc on the problem and finding a solution. Maybe things are different in Britain, but most docs here would start considering which medication to put you on. Maybe when your depression starts to lift things will look different.
Let's ask this: If you weren't able to do Biochemistry what would you like to do?
Would you be suitable for teaching?
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Dr Strangelove
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Did you get a master's degree? Wouldn't you be suitable to teach high school kids?
Does the UK have the equivalent of Community Colleges? Over here a master's degree would be quite sufficient to teach in one.
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Alexander's Horse
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Panmunjon, hands up!
Jan 1970 time: 15:24
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Yeah go and see a doctor.
Pay no attention to me
Being depressed is no fun.
Maybe you have that disorder where lack of sunlight gets you down............
I've had long periods of sort of chronic depression in my life, often brought on my excessive work or study, alck of exercise, proper diet, whatever.
I guess I'm lucky because I'm sort of self medicating
Exercise is very good for clearing out the cobwebs, and has chemical benefits as others have mentioned.
Another thing, which a Brit would understand but an American might not, is that hobbies, collecting things, eccentricity, whatever, are bliss. If you have some interests - I used to like toy soldiers - just escaping into that little world can do you the world of good. A ot of gardeners cope like that - a few hours with the flowers and they are as right as rain. Pets - great. Your dog will always love you. If all else fails, hug your Teddy.
Also, focussing on other people is great - do something nice for someone, be kind to your Mom. A burden shared is a burden halved. There are people around you who love you and would do anything for you. They've got their troubles too you know.......you can help.
I find prayer and meditation useful - bad luck you don't have that to fall back on eh? 
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Seeker
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London Ontario
Jan 1970 time: 00:24
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Come teach English with me.
Apartment: paid
Taxes: Don't transfer anything back to your UK account
utilities: low, low low, I pay less than $20 Cnd a month
Hours: low
Money: start at approx $33 000 a year, go up a bit every year for 4 years, then you need a MA or real teaching degree to get more.
Fun: Pick well and don't take the first thing, get a big city like Seoul or Taipei. Get tired of Asian stuff? Hang out with the other expats!
Reward/'spirit' category:
You are teaching kids and adults around the world an essential skill they will need to succeed in the future. Teaching a class that's motivated is fun and rewarding. Every day is a cultural exchange.
SECURITY: The world is a long, long, long way from English saturation. This is a job that's going to be there. This is a job where they want people, they really really want people, they will arrange things so you can get there. Have you ever gone to job interview feeling like you had to beg? This is a job where recruiters get paid for finding qualified people.
Qualifications: 4 year university level BA. English is preferred but totally unnecessary.
NO ATTTACHMENTS: Although some outfits make provisions for kids, etc. you really don't want a family in the little apartment they give you.
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Dr Strangelove
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Alright people, I think we got us a plan! Now all we need is the vict....errrrr, I mean the fortunate job applicant. PH, are you still there? PH?
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devilmunchkin
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first circle of the inferno
Jul 2001 time: 05:24
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provost: therapy takes TIME to work. it also takes work..and then some more work...and working on it is never done...i've been in therapy since age two trying to get thru life....and i've just gotten to the point where my behavior had changed, although my insides are the same..
it takes time...to work. also, maybe it is a chemical imbalance you have, although i think what you have sounds like good 'ol frustration at your life not going like you want it too. you might consider getting back into the phd thing....make a chart and way the pros and cons of the options you have before you...life is going to make you eat ****..over and over before it gets better
i'm here for ya bud....
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gamenaught
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Meds. Lots of 'em if needed.
I suffered many years w depression. Went through a couple of doctors who were timid in their meds approach. The third one was very aggressive and it worked. Probably saved my life. Sure, I'd rather not have this salad of chemicals filtering through my brain but it sure beats a bullet.
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molly bloom
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Lundenwic
Oct 2001 time: 15:24
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Provost, you have my very earnest sympathies. I have had the black dog of clinical depression hound me twice for extended periods, and it isn't easy shaking it off.
I exercised regularly- not competitive sports but weight training and circuit training. The ensuing endorphin rush is a tremendous alleviator of depression, and not only that, you also get a better looking body to boot. If you like swimming, all the better. The fitter you are, the fitter you feel, the more sexually self-confident you are likely to feel. Your sex drive should certainly increase.
I also recommend getting some sunshine. Never underestimate the power of seasonal affective depression- the Inuits know about it. I had a short holiday in Morocco when I was at a low ebb, and the sunshine, fantastic food and change of scenery, and the effort required to speak in French or Arabic or Spanish meant I couldn't dwell on depressive thoughts.
As you say, breaking the cycle is necessary, because eventually deep-seated depression becomes the snake biting its tail- the worse you feel about yourself, the less you are likely to feel able to do anything about the depression. You have to itemize the depressive elements, and not think about all of them at the same time- they aren't all equally important, but each may be occupying an inordinately large position in your mind, together preventing you from dealing with them separately.
Also- the tricyclics do help some people, so think of medication not as an end in itself, but as only one footfall on your path to recovery. Strangely enough, religious music (gregorian chant, Hildegard of Bingen's works, choral music) does have a calming effect- not so much the lyrical content but the sound registers and intervals. I do recommend it, and also meditation if you know of anywhere that offers courses. Also, consider tai chi or yoga- both have a rejuvenating effect.
My best wishes for a speedy resolution.
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Rufus T. Firefly
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is one way of saying it, though I prefer "mensch"
Sep 2000 time: 07:24
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First of all, Provost, let me echo others' support. I've gone through periods of depression (the most serious -- surprise! -- while finishing my Ph.D.), and it can be hellish. I found therapy helped, but it did take time (devilmunchkin's right). I never was on meds, but have friends whose lives have been changed, perhaps even saved, by Prozac. Medication seems well worth loking into.
With regard to career, or at least a job: Think about teaching abroad. There are elite, English-language schools all over the world, and with your scienticif background you could teach in one; at my daugter's school, the pay is good (and in hard currency), the housing free, the vacations generous, and the kids generally bright and cooperative. From what I've heard about some other places -- Qatar and the UAE in particular -- you can teach high school and live like a prince.
Teaching may not be for you. But I'll also say this: living abroad, away from all the entanglements and general bullsh!t of the life you've lived so far, can be very,very focusing -- especially when not knowing the local language initially helps you tune out much of life's extraneous noise. Turkey hasn't been the best 3 years of my life, but it's been the 3 in which I've come to know myself best and gotten most "centered" (if you can bear that dreadful Californian word). Think about it.
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Sikander
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Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Jan 2000 time: 22:24
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I'm glad to see so many people who have suffered from clinical depression chipping in here. Their advice has been very good IMO. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this disease, please shut your pie holes. It's nice that you hope PH gets better and all, but you don't know what you are talking about. He can't just snap out of it. If it was a matter of lack of willpower he never would have made it as far in his studies as he already has. Doing things he likes isn't going to help because he is so depressed he can't even enjoy them. This isn't just a case of the blues, he's been depressed for as long as I have seen him post here, and I'm glad that he is considering taking the sort of steps necessary to deal with it.
Clinical depression is a killer, and you have to take it very seriously as a medical problem. This seems to be a chemical imbalance problem, and I think that PH is well aware of what is going on. He needs to find proper medical help, preferably from a psychiatrist. My girlfriend is so much better since she has been taking prozac. The mild side affects are well worth being able to get out of bed, go to work, and enjoy all the things that you used to enjoy. It's been a lifesaver for so many people, and I hope you join them in rediscovering the numerous joys that life can hold for you when you are healthy.
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Sloth
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I strongly agree with what Sikander said. Believe me, I have, unfortunately, a long experience in the matter.
One piece of advice I can add is: try not to get discouraged when the medicaments at first don't work. I know for a fact that Prozac can take up to a month before having any effect and it is easy to loose confidence, especially as your illness hampers your ability to hope.
One more thing: when you'll feel better DON'T STOP TAKING MEDICATIONS WITHOUT BEEING TOLD TO DO SO BY YOUR DOCTOR!!!.
Unfortunately an abrupt stop can bring back depression with a vengeance, and it's therefore very dangerous.
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Dr Strangelove
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One of the reasons why your recent interviews have been going badly might be because you're depressed, so getting treatment before starting anything else makes sense.
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