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Dr Strangelove
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Nah, don't be strong. Being strong is holding it all in and that often accomplishes nothing. Tell us all about it. We're here for you. Tell us what he did to you, why you can't stand him, why you wish it hadn't come to this, why you miss him, what he's going to do to your dreams, what you hpe for in your future, and what you fear in your future. Tell us all that and more, as much as you want.
Having said that I gotta go to work now. 
No, really, I do.
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Jon Miller
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Well, I care about how you are doing
and think you did right
but I am not sure how I can help
Jon Miller
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MichaeltheGreat
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Apolyton Grand Executioner
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mooning the house that Ruth built.
Oct 1999
time: 21:24
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quote:
Originally posted by boann
im alone now.
that slime cheated on me again.
i kicked his ass to the curb.
but how do you do this alone thing
im not good at it.
i wake up in the middle of the night and
theres no one to tell me it will be ok.
im afraid of it.
i have to be strong and not give in again.
i can't forgive that bastard anymore.
help. |
(a) Good for you, you go, girl!
(b) The alone thing is really not that tough - it's all about perception and years of conditioning. Men and women both, but women to a greater extent than men, are often viewed as "less" when they're unattached, and a lot of this BS is self-reinforced. The whole "loser" "can't get a date" sort of stuff, the millions of magazines and talk show crap and books about getting someone, keeping someone, all that contributes, so you have to work on redefining the way you see things.
(c) Look at how many women ooh and aah over that horseshit "You complete me" line in Jerry Maguire. Unless you're the other person's kidney donor  , nobody has ever completed anybody. If you're not a whole person on your own and independendent, you won't won't be a whole person due to your being in some form of a relationship.
(d) That whole "I need somebody" thing is like putting antlers on your head and painting red and white target rings on yourself and going to munch grass in the woods on the first day of deer season. It exudes off of people, and most anybody with their act together thinks "needy, clingy, dependent, God please let me get out of here before he/she attaches to me like a barnacle, Oh my God NO it has TENTACLES arrrrrggggghhhh" . That's the reaction it triggers in a lot of mentally healthy people with a sane view of relationships. For predatory bastards and general low-life scumbags, it's just a sign that says "work me."
When you're happier and have things going for yourself on your own, then you're in a position to attract someone similar in that sense - you don't need each other, you enjoy each other for what you add to each other's lives.
(e) Even if you break down on weak days and think you do need someone, you can still tell yourself, "maybe so, but I sure don't need this *******." Sometimes they go away, but more often, they seem to crawl back and try to ooze there way in under a crack in the door. "I'm sorry honeybuns, I'll never do it again"  Sometimes they paw the ground and shuffle, sometimes cajole, sometimes threaten, sometimes beg, sometimes do self-destructive crap with the "its all yer fault, I just can't live without you blah blah blah. It's all BS, it's all a game for control - the last thing this type of predatory scumbag wants to think of is you being strong enough to say "I don't need you around, I don't want you around, get the hell gone and stay there."
In the scumbag-predator's initial assessment of you, you were prey - easy to play with, easy to fool, easy to manipulate, nowhere's near as smart and clever as he was. Finding that no, you just suffered an error in judgment thinking he was more than he really is, and actually being nice, believing in human goodness, loving, etc., but you really are smarter than he is, and you're a lot stronger than he thought - well, that's just real ego-deflating for these bastards. So sometimes they slink off, sometimes, they keep trying to work you. No matter what, and I don't give a damn if he gets his ass run over by a truck, that's too ****ing bad for him, he blew it, and you're moving on with your life. End of story - you stick to your guns, period, move on and do better for yourself.
(f) If you don't have one, get a dog. They provide body heat, you can teach them some manners, they love unconditionally and they're loyal.
For answers to your last question, see (c), (d) and (e) in this post. Cheating is age old, but then it used to be almost uniformly legitimized with polygamy.
Why - well, it's often a form of sport. Like compulsive shoplifting to see what you can get away with.
Love rarely has anything to do with it - it's more about self-gratification.
They're not risking everything, (look at Clinton) - they believe they're in control of everything and everyone and count on their ability to manipulate their way around it. (look at Clinton skating)
They "expect to be 'forgiven'" because it's about manipulation. They're in control, they're smarter than everyone, they can work things - this just isn't sexual, it's the whole panoply of manipulative behavior and games - (look at Clinton and Nixon) Some people get off far more on power games than sex - but it's the same mental processes involved.
I don't think most people give a fair damn what society as a whole does or doesn't think matters. People do what they think matters. I mean, how many people here really think "Oh, I feel like taking a shotgun and blowing my neighbor's head off, but society would be sort of uptight. Prisons are full of people who don't give a damn about rules and consequences, and as this year in particular showed, so are corporate boardrooms.
Most people do or don't do things because of internalized rules and wants, not because of external constraints.
Last edited by MichaeltheGreat on 23-12-2002 at 04:57
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21-12-2002 19:24
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