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UnOrthOdOx
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Hello....
Jun 2002
time: 22:26
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THE JUNGLE GAZETTE
Your Light in the Jungle Since 1730 BC - Feb 17, 1395 AD
New Officials to be Sworn In
Elections won in landslide
Once again the people of Apolytonia proceeded to make their voices known in who they feel should be running the Nation. In what was one of the most orderly elections to date, Thud has been named as the next President of Apolytonia. “This is indeed an honor, to be entrusted to carry this great nation forward and into the future as we rise to our rightfull place as a leader of Nations in all areas.” Thud stated in his inauguration speech.
Shiber, newly elected Foreign Affairs Minister, wasted no time in getting busy, and was even absent from the inaugural address. Officially, it is said that he was working on establishing the new F.A. Office, but rumors also persist that Shiber was found at a private party being held by former President MrWhereItsAt. Such parties have become legendary around Apolytonia and are even blamed for MrWhereItsAt’s original absense for the first week of his initial term as President.
Arnelos has become a familiar face within the Apolytonian Government, and it came as no surprise to anyone that he should try his hand at the position of Supreme Military Commander. While it was never openly commented on, there were quiet murmurs of a conspiracy afoot with a DIA leader being named to both the Presidential position and the leader of the Military forces. What exactly such a conspiracy would lead to is still unclear, however.
Aidun brings the welcome sight of new blood to the Government, taking on the intimidating task of Domestic Minister, and it was with a bright smile and gleaming eye that he accepted this calling. Proof incarnate that Apolytonia is indeed a land of equal opportunity welcoming of new faces and new ideas within the core of it’s government as well as throughout the Nation.
- UnOrthOdOx
Trout Slapping is Getting Worse
In issue XXXI of the Gazette, Crystal Clear brought to light the current epidemic of Trout Slapping. Unfortunately, the effect has only been exasperated by the advertising the Gazette gave it. One young jedi, a Skywalker, after reading the article attempted to ban the use of slapping another person around with a trout. It was firmly rejected by the populous, who never seem to tire of this pastime.
Recently, we caught up with Trip, who after retirement from public service is now working with conservation groups. Trip had the following comments regarding Trout slapping:
[Trip] what? Who are you? What are you doing in my shower?
[Gazette] From the Gazette sir, after you hadn’t returned any of our messages we.
[Trip] What?! Gazette!?! Gun, HONEY, WHERE DID YOU PUT MY GUN!?!
[Gazette] Really now Trip, sir, there is no need for violence. We simply wanted to ask you about Trout Slapping?
[Trip] Trout slapping? What in the world would prompt you to ask me about Trout Slapping? HONEY!?
[Gazette] But your work places you out among the natural areas where you see what the trout slapping is doing to our fish supply, the damage to our sewers, the overpopulation of insects transmitting diseases to our people, insects which the trout would have eaten if they had been given the opportunity sir, what are you doing with that gun?
[Trip] Loading it with some trout. This is what is commonly known as a super trout slap, now if you don’t get out of my shower this instant!
Needless to say, the report ended there. However, it goes to show the extent of the problem. If even dedicated conservationists such as former President Trip are using extreme Trout Slapping practices, is not the welfare of our nation at stake.
Aro, head of the Geographic Society and current president of the nation was heard saying at a recent meeting with the Greek Ambassador, “will someone not rid me of this foolish man”. Within minutes, the Ambassador had so many trout flying at him that he was in the hospital recovering for 6 weeks. President Aro commented later that he never could condone such behavior and has apologized to the Greek government regarding this incident. However, when looking back at the archival maps the Geographic Society has in their records, it was noted that Trout populations have plummeted to the point that as one of his last acts as President, Aro was considering placing Trout on an Endangered Species List.
By GodKing
Interview with President Thud
Congratulations on your appointment as our new president, and thank you for taking the time to sit down to speak with me.
Thanks for having me here.
Many people seem to be of the opinion that Apolytonia is now the only power left in the world, and that there is little 'work' left to be done to build our nation. How would you respond to this opinion, and how do you intend to improve our nation?
Indeed, we are the only power remaining in the world, except there is still much to do to attain victory. Although we are capable of acheiving any of the victories save cultural, all of those victories will take a great deal of effort and planning. I encourage everyone to stick around to help plan this.
What is your vision for the future of Apolytonia?
I beleive that it is the destiny of Apolytonia to lead the world in exploring new frontiers. To the skies, the bottom of the seas, even to the moon and beyond, I hope that the people of Apolytonia will give all their effort into these exciting endeavors.
How would you like your presidency to be remembered once you have left office?
I hope to build a powerful navy, the center of pride for the nation. Whether we use this navy to extract a glorious retribution on certain ignorant enemies is up to the people, but I wouldn't mind be remembered for it. Of course, I also want to continue to build our infrastructure, and be remembered for the establishment of an Air Force.
It is no secret that you have served this fair nation for quite some time, both as a Senator, and as a leader within the DIA party. What lessons have you learned during this service that have prepared you for your upcomming tasks?
Well, I think its crucial that all important decisions are debated and given enough time for a proper resolution without forcing the issue. I feel like I have a sense for the way the Senate works, and how it might respond to certain decisions, and I believe this is an important asset.
I thank you for your time, and wish you good luck on your upcomming term.
- UnOrthOdOx
News from the Court
Well, this is my last few days on the court. Thankfully, the last 7 weeks has seen only one court case, Case #9, which with the able handling of Supreme Justice Togas was resolved quickly. This is one of those rare administrations that will only have one justice leaving the court, and I am glad it is me; I am looking forward to finding a stream and doing some nice quiet Trout Fishing. Assuming, that is, that there are any Trout left to fish. If you are interested in joining the Court, please submit your resume to our New President, Arnelos.
By Justice Godking.
Hall of Fame
Every so often there is an Apolyton Hall of Fame where members are added for their contributions to Apolyton. This time around, many people from the Demo Game were nominated and added. You can find a link here.
By GodKing
Intersite Demo Game
The intersite demo game is getting started. We have picked up Carthage as our civ and even Firaxis will be joining in as a team. If you are interested, contact Betahound or click on join in the civgroups. You will be contacted prior to being allowed in. This is a security precaution to keep other sites personnel from spying. It should be a true challenge, one worthy of our skills
By GodKing
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UnOrthOdOx
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Hello....
Jun 2002
time: 22:26
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Has Apolytonia lost it’s Soul?
The Demise of the Great Banana?
The Great Banana has been a force within Apolytonian history, inspiring our forces to victory over Lincoln and his treacherous allies, protecting us from the back stabbing Persians, and in guiding many of our nations leaders to bring Apolytonia to the forefront of world politics. However, along the way, the Banana has also been lost.
The recent elections are evidence of this very fact. It was a long tradition that an uncontested election would see that the candidate would face the Banana. However, recently this has not been the case. Why?
In our search for answers, we once again attempted to reach the Great Banana:
Banana, I thank you for your time.
Foolish mortal, time matters nothing to such as myself.
It has recently come to my attention that our government no longer sees fit that you should run in the elections verses uncontested candidates. Were you aware of this, and what are your feelings on it?
Are you daring to imply that I am not aware of everything!? Such insolence, and from a mere paper man whom I am now wasting time with!!!
But you said time didn’t matter…
Ignorant fool, you exist because I allow you to exist! This interview is OVER!!!
With a failed attempt at direct communication, I turned to local Banana expert, Ninot.
“As you can see, the decline in Banana worship occurred with direct proportion to the cutting down of the Jungles. Recent research also indicates that the Banana may actually be in danger of becoming extinct. At any rate, you can see that there is a direct correlation between the actions of our government and the belief in the banana. One could only have assumed that such a change in the basic belief system in our nation was inevitable. We no longer are in fear of being crushed, nor do we fear the impossible outlook our founding fathers once faced. It seems common sense that people no longer need believe that the Banana will save them, or protect them, when they believe in themselves instead.”
Even with our nation as great as it is, I for one cannot help feeling that in losing the Banana, we are also losing our Soul.
- UnOrthOdOx
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18-02-2003 02:43
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