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Shogun Gunner

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Potomac Falls, Virginia
Oct 2000 time: 00:21
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Greetings Great Czar of Russia,
I am writing you to complain about my vacation in the Baltic states. I thought it would be a relatively easy journey from London, to Amsterdam, then through Prussia on the way to the nice Baltic Sea resorts in your country. Everything was smooth until we got to Prussia.
For a country that advertizes itself as a "vacation getaway" and "a nice place to visit", I must take issue with these ascertions. In no fewer than four incidents, Russia cossacks shot their rifles at our horse carriage.
Now, I was told something about a conflict or whatever between France and Russia, and I guess I care about what happens on the continent. However, it shouldn't matter that I was eating a French crossaint at the time that one of your sharpshooting cossacks shot the crossiant right out of my hand.
Thinking that I had put a bit too much jellybutter on the crossiant (that's what they convinced me to buy when I picked up the crossiants in Amsterdam), I concluded that I had squeezed the crossiant a bit much in my haste to touch that delictable treat to my lips -- and flipped it out the carriage window.
Well, it happened a second, third and even a fourth time. Finally, I had realized what had happend, I stormed out of the carriage and declared that I was the King of England. Despite some snickers from your soldiers, they did not shoot at me any more.
While galloping away, I yelled out the window that I would be reporting them to their superiors and they would soon be seeking employment elsewhere...hence this letter.
Can you please send your troops back to sensitivity training, perhaps even a full slate of training, and PLEASE insure that they will not be bored off their scones this time.
Yours,
King of England
P.S. I expect a full refund of my tarnished vacation, in pounds please. My cabinet informed me that the marketing pictures you sent me of the Baltic Sea beaches were really from the Ottoman Empire's Aegean beaches. That is fraud sir!
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