03-11-2004 04:20									#1
	The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION! Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

SPECIAL WAR EDITION!!!


-----------------------------

SPECIAL REPORT
GoW Declares War on Lux!
Trip must be destroyed once and for all.


IMPERIAL CITY - With banners flying, troops goosestepping through the capital's boulevards, aircraft screaming overhead and ships departing to their war stations, the Glory of War pronouced today that a state of war exists with it's old enemy, Lux Invicta. The mobilization orders had been issued months in advance, and millions of young GoWers marched off proudly to serve their country once again. The declaration of war, though highly rumoured, came as a surprise to many, especially considering the sudden return of the self-exiled Emperor Master Zen from a top secret vodka tonic rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of Little Bob. Our correspondent interviewed a number of young soldiers who paraded on the BouleFarb, Imperial City's main thoroughfare:

GoN: "So, who are you going to war against?"
Private Gwar: "Lux, I think"
GoN: "Wasn't Lux destroyed a million years ago?"
Private Gwar: "Umm... really?"
GoN: "What do they teach in history these days then?"
Private Gwar: "Well all I remember is some stuff about chickens and squid..."
GoN: "That was Home Ec class"
Private Gwar: "Yeah, maybe you're right"

In a survey conducted by The Glory of News, 89% of the GoW population still did not know who they were going to war against, 78% thought that Lux still existed, and 58% thought that stormchicken tasted better than squid.


------------------------------

Master Zen returns! Signs declaration of war against Lego

IMPERIAL CITY - Mysteriously locked up in an alcohol rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of his native Zenophobia, Emperor Zen was finally reinstated in the Imperial Throne after a number of decades of abscence. Though no official declaration has been made public, it is rumored that an addiction to vodka tonics and dom Farbignon wine was the cause of his self-exile.

His first act as Emperor was to sign a declaration of war. When asked why, official spokesperson Gen. Ichy-As simply replied "Because we're the Glory of WAR not the glory of PEACE. The people are sick of so much peace-loving hippie building." After ending the parliament session, a declaration of war was handed out to the Emperor in a multiple-choice format. "We really didn't know who to declare war against so we decided to let him decide for himself" explained Gen. Ichy. When asked why exactly he chose Lego, the spokesperson whispered back: "off the record, he had a thing for Megablocks."


------------------------------

Ruins of Lux National Amusement Park changed to Ecological Preservation Site
Legacy of Eco-Friendly Emperor

SKULLGARIA - One of the leading attractions in GoW was completely razed to the ground and in its place, an ecological preservation site built. The Ruins of Lux, one of the oldest historical sites in Bob was cleared after a decree from the ecological-minded government of Panzerius XXXII which declared the area a natural heritage site. "We figured that all the horribly mutated offspring of Trip which roamed the hamlets around the park deserved to have their own wilderness, they were scaring the visitors". said Wildlife Marshal Deadrock. Inter-family/pet inbreeding was a common characteristic of Luxian culture. Trip himself is said to be of mixed descent: half human, half very-annoying-and-obnoxious-big-eyed-mosquito. "Preservation of these species is fundamental to the future of our empire's flora and fauna. Where else will you find big furry monsters and giant eyes floating around?".

------------------------------

Weather Service


Imperial City - Cold and dreary like MZ's heart
Legoland - Hurricane warning
Eye of the Storm - Crying you a river
Roleplay - It's raining squid
Vox Controli - Immortal drizzle
Neu Theben - Golden shower

	03-11-2004 04:39									#2
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BREAKING NEWS
GoW Bombs Lego!
War taken to the enemy's heartland


TRAFALGAR - In what marks a milestone in history, military action occured in the Lego continent as coal minefields were assaulted by GoW heavy bombers in a daring raid into enemy territory. Flying low to avoid radar detection and equipped with the powerful Crapper bombsight, the bombers targeted railroad installations and the massive coal mine itself which was promptly reduced to rubble after sustained attack. Military experts predict that air power will soon become a frightening new weapon in this coming war.

No word on civilian casualties on the ground, no bombers were lost to enemy action. Among the units participating was the vaunted 69th Bearded-Lady Bomber Squadron though their bombs fell short of the coal mine since their beards got in the way. Air Marshal Enamel remarked: "Despite the social importance of the beard, we believe the Glory of Air Force will soon adopt a shaving policy throught the ranks".

	04-11-2004 05:17									#3
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Never ceases to amaze me how much time you guys put into this.

	04-11-2004 06:56									#4
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Dom Farbignon wine goes a looong way!!!

	04-11-2004 07:44									#5
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quote: The declaration of war, though highly rumoured, came as a surprise to many, especially considering the sudden return of the self-exiled Emperor Master Zen from a top secret vodka tonic rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of Little Bob

!!

--Togas

	04-11-2004 13:32									#6
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quote: Originally posted by Master Zen ... Air Marshal Enamel remarked: "Despite the social importance of the beard, we believe the Glory of Air Force will soon adopt a shaving policy throught the ranks"...

This one really cracked me up

I can see a new market emerging for the somewhat marginalized Demogyptican razorblade industry

	04-11-2004 14:34									#7
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Glory of War!!! Glory of War!!!! more glory of bore if you ask me "blah, blah, blah, We are so macho, blah, blah, blah, we liked getting so ratted we can't shoot straight blah blah, blah, our GDP is so small we measure it milligrams" HA you aren't even a real country and you are sooo stupid you allied yourselves with a bunch of chicken pluckers. Let the trash talking begin.

	04-11-2004 14:43									#8
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Better not...

	04-11-2004 14:53									#9
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Sorry Rendelnep, we have a policy on that and the policy is silence

	04-11-2004 15:02									#10
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ohh ok well that was a fit of madness any way sorry

	04-11-2004 16:46									#11
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quote: Originally posted by bongo This one really cracked me up I can see a new market emerging for the somewhat marginalized Demogyptican razorblade industry

"Somewhat marginalized"? Your Arab men are almost as hairy as our women, your razorblade industry should be booming

	04-11-2004 18:59									#12
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Well, as you said, we're hairy

Apart from the occasional 'shave of someones eyebrows while they sleep' prank, shaving is mostly done for medical purposes. The industry* will be very pleased indeed should shaving become popular among the people of Borconia.


*Not much of an industry really, only two small companys are dedicated to razorblade production, of which 'Enkel & Sohne & Sohne des Sohnen & Urenkeln Rasierklingen und Käsehobelnwerkstätte' is the biggest with about 10-15 employees.

	04-11-2004 19:01									#13
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quote: Originally posted by bongo *Not much of an industry really, only two small companys are dedicated to razorblade production, of which 'Enkel & Sohne & Sohne des Sohnen & Urenkeln Rasierklingen und Käsehobelnwerkstätte' is the biggest with about 10-15 employees.

One of which is surely employed for the sole purpose of remembering how to spell it...

	04-11-2004 19:03									#14
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quote: Originally posted by Master Zen One of which is surely employed for the sole purpose of remembering how to spell it...

Eh, he got fired actually. Which explains all the grammatical errors

	04-11-2004 19:23									#15
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Well it realy spells "Enkel & Söhne & Söhne der Söhne & Urenkel Rasierklingen und Käsehobelwerkstätten Manufaktur" but we use the much shorter and easier Abbrevation "Esöurakäwe" it is a branchfactory of the famos "Onkel & Tanten & Neffen der Vater & Töchter Ansarenspeerklingen und Schwertbaumeisterschmiedekunst Manufaktur" but we soon enough found out that it is not recommended to shave a beard with swords. So we rather grow beards.

	04-11-2004 20:09									#16
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* Master Zen is SO glad he's in the French side of Switzerland...

	04-11-2004 23:38									#17
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I just thought everyone should know that GoW's bombing ended up killing three kitties. That's right, three sweet, innocent kitties, peacefully playing with balls of string and some shiney objects.

I hope you're proud of yourself, murderers.

	05-11-2004 02:13									#18
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(retrospective double post)

Last edited by Master Zen on 05-11-2004 at 03:08

	05-11-2004 03:06									#19
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BREAKING NEWS
Lego allows kittens to play with shiny objects!
War justified according to legal experts.


IMPERIAL CITY - In the wake of news that Lego allows its kittens to play with shiny objects, legal experts around the world have cried out in outrage against such blatant inhumane treatment of absowootely adowable widdle cuddly puddy tats. Lawyers from Imperial City and Eye of the Storm have stated that these acts definitely constitute justification for war and that GoW and GS's agression are merely pre-emption according to the International Declaration of the Rights of Kittens which explicitly outlaws playing with shiny objects.

"If they allow their kittens to play with shiny objects, what on earth do they allow their children to play with?" mentioned Bubba Shapiro, chief justice of the Glory of Law (GoW's Supreme Court). Around the country, non-profit "protect-the-kittens" organizations have sprung out of the blue urging people to join the cause by enlisting in the armed forces. "Lego never signed the Declaration of the Rights of Kittens, well, that's pretty much because we wrote it up just a few hours ago, but still, these kinds of rouge states must be taken out before shiny objects are spread around the world like germs."

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	05-11-2004 04:08									#20
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

SAVE THE KITTENS!!! SAVE THE KITTENS!!!

(Seriously, MZ, I was in court all day and needed the laugh! )

	05-11-2004 05:32									#21
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At least it was not a double edge blade.

	05-11-2004 07:24									#22
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quote: Originally posted by Theseus (Seriously, MZ, I was in court all day and needed the laugh! )

Wuss!


On topic: and

	05-11-2004 22:13									#23
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SPECIAL NEWS ALERT!

GoW Training Kittens for Mine "Removal"

Spurred on by recent fabrications about Lego mistreatment of kitties in an attempt to steer attention away from themselves, the Daily Blueprint has done some deep undercover work to find out the truth behind kitty treatment in GoW, and what we have found is most distrubing.

In preparation for the war, special GoW Commandos have been training kitty brigades for front-line mine "removal." What this training consists of is slapping a cheap helmet on an unsuspecting kitty, and unleashing them onto the field of battle, told simply to "be a good kitty and run forward!" Needless to say, the survival rate for those unfortunate enough to be elisted in this brigade is less than 2%.

Our reporter was able to sneak into one of these training facilities and speak with some of the enlistees. Unsurprisingly, most had only one thing to say: "HELP!"

The Daily Blueprint is infuriated that such activities should be carried out, even in the name of war. Any nation supporting the GoW in their endevours has just as much blood and fur on their hands as the vile GoW armed forces themselves.

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	05-11-2004 23:27									#24
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And the propaganda continues.

	06-11-2004 01:29									#25
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That is one mean lookin' kitty!

	06-11-2004 02:32									#26
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Toby (my dog) would really like to meet these kitties. And eat them.

-Arrian

	06-11-2004 08:26									#27
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Great work MZ & ZargonX

	06-11-2004 13:27									#28
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quote: Originally posted by Arrian Toby (my dog) would really like to meet these kitties. And eat them. -Arrian

Would he like to meet me?

Death to defilers of kitties!

	06-11-2004 14:18									#29
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

OMFG NYE SIGHTING!

	06-11-2004 15:34									#30
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quote: Great work MZ & ZargonX