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Master Zen
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of naughty
Jan 2003
time: 23:19
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The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print
1260 AD
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BREAKING WAR NEWS
Jackson Blitzed!
Air Strikes kill "100 Million Billion"!
TRAFALGAR - It was 3:45am when the sirens began wailing. Immediately the first search lights were fixed on the night sky. After few minutes the soft but deadly drone of the first of 264 bombers began being heard and soon the night sky was illuminated by flak and anti-air guns as explosions rocked the city in history's first mass bombing attack against an urban center. "It was amazing" explained a Jackson resident "I had never had such awsome sex as last night, the whole roomed rocked and rolled! She thought I was fantastic, of course I never actually told her there was a bombing attack going on at the moment..." The bombing damaged the majority of Jackson's 18 quarters, two of which were entirely obliterated. Among Jackson's destroyed landmarks were the Stock Exchange, the Legomart shopping center, the Army barracks as well as one of the oldest temples in the world in the Old Towne. Despite the brutality of the bombing, none of Jackson's World Heritage Sites were attacked, most likely because they had been targeted by the 69th Bearded-Lady Squadron which had run out of shaving cream before the raid.
This morning the Imperial Palace issued a press release claiming that "100 million billion" people were killed, all of military personnel and "crucial defense industry civilians". Gen. Ichi-As explained: "We are not mass-murderers, we only target industries which are directly related to the war effort". When our reporters pointed out that the Ben & Radeck Ice Cream Factory was hardly a "defense industry" the General replied "do you KNOW what they put on those pistachios!?!?! We're talking WMDs there pal!".
ERRATA:
As of this edition's printing, the Imperial Palace revised its previous figure of 100 million billion to only 352,000 civilian dead after he was informed that 100 million billion people could not possibly exist in the entire universe.
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Glory of News - Bestseller Book List
Not that GoWers can read...
#1 - Unlikely Alliance: A History of GS-GoW relations in the Post-War Era.
A fascinating account of the GS-GoW rapproachment after the Great Patriotic Bobian War. Author Panzerius32 does an excellent job of describing how events since the war led to the current state of affairs among the two traditional rivals. Revisionist in a sense that it challanges the official reasoning behind the current conflict which has so far been "just because".
#2 - 50 Stormchicken Recipies
#3 - GhengisFarb: Biography of an Evil Clown
#4 - Sir UnOrthOdOx's Quest: The Hunt for MrWhereItsAt
#5 - Count Tripula and the Vampires of Skullgaria
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08-11-2004 05:53
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