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Master Zen
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of naughty
Jan 2003
time: 23:19
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The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print
1265 AD - SPECIAL INVASION EDITION!!!
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BREAKING WAR NEWS
ALLIES LAND IN LEGOLAND!
Stormchickens and GeForce™ wade ashore with minimal casualties.
TRAFALGAR - Despite a string of misfortune in the naval battles in the west, the GS-GoW Alliance landed the most formidable military force ever seen in war, composing over 250 units spread over 3 beaches near Quanto Mechanico, Abilene and Jackson. This was landed by a massive armada which included destroyers and aircraft carriers in support while hundreds of bombers flew overhead making bombing attacks on Legoland and Castlea. "It is the beginning of the end for Lego's schemes for peaceful world domination. If they want to win, they'll have to bleed first". These were the words of GoW Emperor Master Zen before being told that, in fact, Legomen are made of plastic and do not bleed upon which he responded "Ok, burn, melt, whatever".
In the east, GoW forces landed as part of GeForce™, acronym for "GoW Expeditionary Force". Commanding this force is Field Marshall N. Vidia who gave us an exclusive interview: "Our force is composed of one-hundred twenty-eight military brigades, or 128 MB for short. They are equipped with the latest in anti-aliasing and vertex-shading camouflage and have been overclocked with training which means they are fit for battle. Our vehicles are manned by unified drivers to supply the troops efficiently".
Facing GeForce's 100+ troops was a squad of horsemen. "We kinda looked at them funny" said Cpl. Punishment who landed in the first waves with the 9th Infantry. "They just stood there while we dug in". On both sides, troops are prepared for what likely will be a massive Lego counterattack. To that, DeepO, leader of the Gathering Storm remarked "Bring it on".
GoW troops mass near Jackson
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Legopolis bombed!
Manuals long-forgotten will make rebuilding a pain in the ass
LEGOPOLIS - The Capital of Lego, known for its towering Lego blocks which seem to reach the sky, was bombed for the first time by the Glory of Air Force which pounded it relentlessly and caused significant material damage though civilian casualties were largely avoided. The stock exchange, university, granary and temple (one of the oldest in the world) were leveled, as was the renowned Pirate Lego™ factory. "This is a war crime" said Lego leader Vondrack, "Pirate Lego™ was going to be one of the hottest toys this christmas, so many children will not have anything to play with". The official response from Imperial Palace was "Nah na-na na na hah ha-ha ha ha  "
Exclusive pictures of the situation in Legoland after the bombing were obtained by the Glory of News™
A Fire Patrol craft extinguishes fires along the Legopolis River.
A Helicopter flies above looking for survivors, the burning skyline can be seen behind.
The situation was worsened when news that the manuals of the destroyed buildings had long been forgotten and lost. "This is going to be rather hard" explained Lego minister ZargonX. "Last time I remember building those was after my dog came running into my room and crashed them all... that was quite some time ago."
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First rift in Alliance over naming controversy
GoW and GS Diplomats clash
EYE OF THE STORM - The first rift in the GS-GoW Alliance was made public yesterday over the controversial issue of naming the two nations together. A special GoW diplomatic mission was sent to Eye of the Storm to discuss the issue and press forward with the name of "The Glory of Storms". This, however, met a cool reception with the Stormian government which insisted on "The Gathering War" instead. "It is clear to us that the 'Glory' aspect presents a far more formidable and imposing image of massive military force" said GoW diplomat Ambassador Aisik-Joo. "On the other hand, the 'Gathering War'? What is this, a twisted weather report?"
When interviewed, Stormian Ambassador Cort Haus explained the Stormian perspective. "We are not warmongers, there is nothing glorious about war: people and chickens die. Our proposal refers to the inminence of this unfortunate conflict without exhalting the virtues of killing". In a related issue the proposal for naming a single-Commander-in-Chief was floated around during the meeting but was quickly written off as the only options were "DeepZ" and "Master O", both of which were met by a round of laughter.
GoW T.V. Listings
1265 AD
Channel 1
10:00 - "Rise and shine lazy barbarian bum" fitness workout.
13:00 - XTreme Squid Fishing (Live from New Spain)
16:00 - Darekill's Arabian Home Cooking (Live from Neu Theben)
19:00 - Bearded Lady Beauty Secrets
23:00 - Late Nite with GhengisFarb
02:00 - Late Late Night with GhengisFarb
04:00 - Late Late Late Night with MZ (Rated XXX)
Channel 3 - Uno's Horror Channel
13:00 - Night of the Living Lux
17:00 - A Nightmare on Hill Street
19:00 - Child's Play III - Bride of Trip
Channel 5 - The Imperial Channel
12:00 - Imperial Parliament Morning Session
14:00 - Imperial Parliament Dissolution
15:00 - Public execution of Parliamentary traitors
17:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-run)
19:00 - Bobian War Remembrance Special
21:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-re-run)
Last edited by Master Zen on 26-11-2004 at 03:39
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Master Zen
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of naughty
Jan 2003
time: 23:19
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The Glory of Radio Broadcasting
This is Ran Dather from the Glory of Radio giving a last minute report from the war front, live from outside Fort Stanwix is a a chinese midget with sunglasses, give us your report Aoo-Cheet
Good morning Ran... We are recieving reports that Fort Stanwix has fallen to Warmonger troops... it is too early to know the details but have heard of massive casualties on both sides and the city is all but destroyed... [static]...
Yes Aoo, can you tell us any more details about the battle itself we have heard that so far the battle has been absolutely murderous on both sides, can you tell us more?
...[static]... yes Ran indeed it has, we witnessed a massive bombardment from the air earlier today and the artillery has been pounding relentlessly all week... gunfire is everywhere, we were told that the bombardment was a preliminary for an assault on the city by Marines...
Is there still fighting going on, what can you tell us about the situation right now?
... the gunfire has stopped for the most part, the city is just too badly damaged ... it's unrecgnizable among the rubble... [static] ... Ran I have just received a copy of a report from High Command... Armored units have entered the city and Marines are regrouping
Any news about casualties Aoo any indication of how many people have been killed?
... Ran, it's too early to tell but there are bodies everywhere, stretcher-bearers and field ambulances are set up right in front of our position right now... rumor has it that possibly over a quarter million troops have died on GoW's side alone... we do not know Lego's losses but almost 100,000 were taken prisoner along with their guns....
Thank you Aoo, any more news you'd like to share live on Glory of Radio?
... We'll try to keep the public informed Ran... [static]... right now there's a huge armored column rolling right by us, they seem to be fresh troops coming from behind... this has all been so monumental, far and away the largest battle in history...
Again, thank you Aoo, and we will be back with more news from the front later.... in the meantime we take you back to our feature presentation "The Thin Red Thong" on Late Late Late Night with MZ
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15-11-2004 04:10
. Since the scent of blood has awakened me, I need a proper forum for my bloodthirsty appetite.
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