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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:20
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It was a bright sunny afternoon, and crowds were filtering around outside the stadium. The birds were chirping and fans chanting (very badly, might I add.. the sake must have gotten to them). It was a great day for soccer (My thread, soccer it is!). Among the throng there were two distinctly repulsive creatures. They belonged to a group universally hated throughout the group. Yes, they were two Apolytoners. More specificially, Imran and Sirotnikov, two of the most repulsive. They were walking towards the stadium with tickets in hand.
Siro: So who are we going to see?
Imran: Beats me.
As Siro walked close to the stadium. He seemed to get a strange sensation. A man in a green jersey walked by. On the other side a man in a white jersey pushed through. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it irked him. When they got into the stadium and saw the flags, he suddenly got it.
Siro: This is Germany v. Saudi Arabia!!
Imran: So, it is. But I think it'll be a poor game. I predict 8-0 Germany (look, I'm a prophet -Im  ).
Siro: NO! You don't get it! GERMANY AND SAUDI ARABIA!
Imran: Yes.. and...
Siro: WHO AM I GOING TO ROOT FOR?
Imran: Well you could... oh wait, right. Whoops! Well you could hope both of them lose.
Siro: They are both playing against each other! And you already know Germany is going to win!
Imran: Well, yes, I do know my soccer... hehe.
Siro: No, you idiot, this match has already been played when you are writing this stupid story.
Imran: Shhh... what, you want to blow my cover. I already have a book deal?
Siro: Ah what?
Imran: Yes, on how Israel ends in 2005..
Siro: 
Imran: Just root for Germany like me
Siro: *mutters* Nazi
Imran: What?
Siro: Nothing... shouldn't you be backing Saudi Arabia... you know, Muslim Brotherhood?
Imran is stuffing himself with a Bacon-Lettuce-Tomato Sandwich, drinking a beer, and looking at a Japanese Porn Magazine...
Imran: Wha?
Siro: Nevermind.
Imran: Um.... so where is MtG?
Siro: Who?
Imran: You know, moderator type.
Siro: Oh right! I don't know, but I got a tape in a letter from him.
Sirotnikov pulled out an old battered envelop and slid a tape out of it. He placed in the convieniently located tape player (which just happened to be in Imran's hands).
bzzzt... Siro, Imran, this is MtG, and I'm over the border.
Imran: Yeah, we know... he's a Mexican.. does he hav..
Siro: He means North Korea.
Imran: Oh... right. I knew that.
I'm trying to attack one of the members of the Axis of Evil pursuant to my orders. Unfortunetly GP has not arrived. Last I heard he got drunk in Australia and forgot where he put his submarine.
Imran: Heh, he sure knows how to party..
Siro: Shhh, this seems to be the best part.
Imran: How do you know?
Siro: The dramatic music.
Imran: Ah...
I've ran into some resistance. Chegitz Guevara and his Commie hoard have pinned me back. General Dalgetti ambushed me. I killed 90% of his forces, but had to retreat a little...
Imran: Wow, he's like Rambo!
Siro: I wish I had a banning stick. I never liked that Dalgetti!
Imran: Oh?
Siro: Yeah, he keeps saying he has sexual feelings for Arafat when he's drunk.
Imran: ...
I've uncovered a plot. The Commies are working with the Greeks to disrupt the World Cup. They plan to do something to the Turkish side in this tourney. MarkG and his Macedonian Guard led by paiktis are moving in already..
Imran: Why would Markos name his secret force after another country?
Siro: Maybe he has country envy?
Imran: That must be it.
... you have to find out where the Greeks are and stop them from disrupting the Turkish matches. Mainly because I like to see the damn Greeks squirm. MtG out... bzzzt
Siro: Well, we know what to do!
Imran: Watch the match?
Siro: NO! Go look for the Greeks!
Imran: Ah, after the match!
Siro: Now!
Imran: But...
Siro: You already know what is going to happen!
Imran: But... oookay  .
(continued)
Last edited by Imran Siddiqui on 15-06-2002 at 06:09
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Sirotnikov
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<--- Yes, It's a "kitty" in a boot.
Feb 2000
time: 07:20
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Siro: First we have to foil the Greek plot.
Imran: (jockingly) What? The Greeks have no land plots in S. Korea. And why would we wrap it in tin foil? We intend to cook them?
Siro: (raises eyebrow) ….Here, have an eyebrow!
Imran: Eww! Don't go picking up random body parts from the floor.
Siro: Sorry, old habbits die hard.
Imran: (scared) Sure… now let's go to the stadium where the next Turkish game will be held.
* They arrive to the stadium *
Siro: Let's enter it.
Imran: Duh.
* They enter the stadium *
Imran: Hey, here's Ming! What's he doing there?
Siro: It seems as if he is being tested for something by that group of FIFA officials.
(an Imran cut in)
Judge: Ok, Mr.... um... Ming, welcome to referee try outs. Show us what you know.
Ming: Ok...
Play goes on for a bit, both sides moving up and down the pitch, when suddenly a whistle goes off for no apparent reason.
Ming: Ok, that's Par. Next hole.
The players turn and stare.
Player: What?
Ming: I said, next hole!!
Judge: We'll call you.
Ming: Really?
Judge: …erm…. Yeah.
(an Imran cut out)
Imran: Lol! That's simply funny.
Siro: At least he's trying.
Imran: Wait… why all of a sudden would Ming show interest in soccer?
Siro: You're right. The orders probably came from above!
Imran: Ming isn't a religious fundamentalist…
Siro: I meant MarkG.
Imran: Come on, MarkG doesn't exist. There's no logical proof that he does! Ask PH!
Siro: Imran, stop.
Imran: Ok, sorry. Just playing wit' ya…
Siro: Speaking of PH… What are he and Paiktis up to?
Imran: Drinking alcohol?
Siro: No, I mean right now – there near the showers and locker rooms!
Imran: Hmm… PH and Paiktis taking a shower? Impossible! Let's take a look!
PH (to Paiktis) : Here, you take the itching powder and put in the Turkish socks.
Paiktis: (evil laugh)
PH: Stop that. And what are you doing with that? Eww, put it down!
Paiktis: Well, I thought that it would be nice to put there some maggots too…
PH: No, you put the maggots in their trousers.
Paiktis: What would I do without you?
PH: That's right. How would you shave your back?
Paiktis: Har dee harhar. Would you like some maggots with that?
PH: Nope, doing just fine, thanks. (notices two characters observing them) Hey! Who is that?
Siro: I think we are the ones who should ask that question!
Imran: But we already know the answer – it's Paiktis and PH.
Siro: Right.
Paiktis: No peeking! I'm undressed!
Siro: Quick, Imran, start a discussion about capitalism and American foreign policy. While they're busy arguing with you, I'll attack them from behind!
Imran: What are you, a turk?
Siro: Not that way!
Imran: (to PH and Paiktis) You know, I always felt that capitalism is the best system. It makes everyone, including the poor, richer. It lifts all boats. Just look at history. And American Foreign Policy is to spread the greatness of Capitalism to all…
(that was an Imran cut in TM)
Siro quickly jumps in the locker room, by chance missing the pointy end of a sharp spear placed there for no obvious reason.
Siro: (to himself) "Damn Civilization III fanatics"
Siro quickly removes the itching powder and cleans the maggots out of the Turkish uniforms.
Imran: …and that's why America is the greatest country on earth (TM)
Siro: Ok, we can go now.
Siro and Imran walk away as PH and Paiktis can be heard making a list of American wrongdoings starting from 4000BC.
Imran: Wait… America didn't exist back then.
Siro: But it's a Civlization forum.
Imran: Oh yeah, go on.
* After a while *
Imran: You know, my back is itching. It's probably because it's so hot here.
Siro: (grins)
Imran: Oh yeah, thanks for scratching that. Oooh Yeaaah, right there. No! Higher! Higher you perv!
Siro: (grining) I'm not touching you.
Imran: Wha… Erm… Where did you put the itching powder and maggots?
Siro rushes to finish the second chapter.
Imran: You just wait!!!!!! Damn Jew!!!!
(to be continued)
Last edited by Sirotnikov on 15-06-2002 at 07:00
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H Tower
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maybe you'll end up running into echthelion at the game...
awesome!
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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:20
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Exactly right, Stefu (ugh, I'll have to clean out my mouth after that).
Anyway, I'll give you a little more to go on, and then you can help write some more (I don't want to simply talk to Siro... he smells you know).
--
After Imran tracked down Siro and kicked him in the side and didn't stop until Siro renounced all Israeli claims in the Middle East (with his fingers uncrossed, as Imran made sure), they went to try to find out the next piece of the puzzle.
It was June 3rd, and Brazil was facing Turkey (2-1 Brazil, btw).
Imran and Siro were on the lookout for people looking much hairier than average humans or wearing much too much red. Of course they ran into a roadblock when Imran realized the Turkish uniforms were red.
Imran: You know, they couldn't make it easy for us.
Siro: Damn Commies! Just like in 1917!
Imran: Yah! Er.. what?
Siro: Well... they sucked back then too?
Imran: Ah, yes. I guess you are right.
Siro: So, we are consigned to finding hairy people.
Imran: Yes... unfortunetly I don't see... WAIT!
Siro: What? A cute Israeli chick wearing leather?
Imran: NO... wait, what?
Siro:  Nevermind.
Imran: No, a superhairy man. If I didn't look hard enough, I'd say it was a monkey.
Siro: *gasp* It must be....
Imran: Yes?
Siro: MarkG!!
Imran: You know he doesn't exist! Like I said, he's just in our computers.
Siro: 
Imran: Ok, ok, we'll check it out.
Imran and Siro went around the corner to see what the hairy man was up too...
(go on... write something. Yes, you. It ain't that hard. Everyone else might say you have no sense of humor, but we morons will surely find something you say to have a little redeeming value.)
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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:20
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Siro, we have to have teasers..
Anyway:
Part Something or Other
The hairy man backed into an alley next to the stadium and ended up in the forest...
Imran: A forest next to the stadium?!
Siro: Don't look at me I didn't write this.
Imran: I didn't wri... um... nevermind.
So, as I was saying... into the wood they go. Chasing, chasing. Suddenly they lose sight of the hairy man as he evaporates into the trees. However, Imran and Siro have a bit of luck as they trip over a man lying prostrate on the ground, obviously spying (which, technically, would mean he was a bad spy).
Imran: Um... hello
Asher: HI!
Siro: Are you Asher?
Asher: Well that is what it says next to the stuff I say in this story, so I guess so.
Siro: Oh, I just guessed you were from all the Microsoft stuff you were wearing. No normal person would wear that much MS stuff!
Asher: HEY! This, I love Bill Gates shirts are the next thing!
Imran: Um... sure... anyway. What are you doing here?
Asher: Oh, right. Well, it all started...
Imran: Should we sit down?
Asher: It's a length story, so probably.
Imran, Siro, and Asher all sat down, made a fire and roasted marshmellows, which made Asher's spying even worse.
Asher: So, I was walking in a gay (& bi) pride parade, when the guy next to me wearing tight pink leather pants and a pink tutu suddenly said something about Communism. He was wearing a tattoo that was a red hand on a buttocks. You know what that means?
Imran: *gasp* He was gay?!
Siro:
Asher: Er... well he was that too, but it is the MARK OF THE STARCHILD! The most evil gay mastermind on the planet, and oh so good fashion sense. Well, to make a long story, short (so people continue to read the story), I gathered that they were in the league with the Commies led by Chegitz in North Korea, with the Greeks, planning to sabatoge the Turkish chances in the Korean World Cup, while also engaging in some fun terrorism.
Siro: I knew that Dalgetti couldn't be trusted.
Imran: Wait.. Commies, Greeks, Gays... Isn't that a conspiracy of basically all the groups on Poly?
Asher: Well, the Finns come in a later episode (Attack of the Finns), and the Canadians are already here, look!
Asher points beyond the trees. Imran and Siro can clearly make out KrazyHorse and Osweld. Both are talking to red_jon, Mr Fun (both deliniated by the Mark of Starchild), and axi.
Imran: I wonder what they are talking about?
(Dramatic Zoom)
KrazyHorse: So, what's the plan?
Osweld: Wasn't this kinda just asked by our enemies before the 'dramatic zoom' (TM)?
Red_jon: Yes, but the plot is already slowed to a crawl. We are losing readers left and right. Need to speed it up!
Axi: Ok, comrades. So, Mr Fun goes into the Turkish locker room and trys to talk to them. Fifteen minutes after he starts they should all be asleep.
Mr Fun: HEY!
KrazyHorse: Well, it is true *shrug*. Hell, I've just talked to you for 2 minutes and I'm feeling a bit sluggish.
Axi: Anyway, after they are asleep we grab them and use them for ransom. Turkey must give Greece Thrace and Asia Minor, including Constantinople (not Istanbul!), and force South Korea to be a Communist country, AND, get the US to build Canada a microwave unit that will keep the whole country warm in the wintertime. If we don't get that, we will blow up people for shits and giggles until our demands are met! Ok? Ok... Comrade Starchild and Comrade Chegitz will be expecting results!
(Dramatic Zoom)
Axi: OR ELSE! ... Was that good? Do I have to do that again? I don't think you got my best side on that zoom...
(Zoom out to our heros)
Asher: Those bastards! Though that microwave thing would be nice..
Imran: Snap out of it! They are commies!
Asher: Oh yeah!
Siro: I think we should get help.
Imran: The Finns?
Siro: No, that would be an overwhelming victory. We need a smaller strike force.
Asher: The.... Jews?
Imran: NOOOOOOOO!!!
(Dramatic Zoom back to the evil dudes)
KrazyHorse: Was that a noise over there?
Red_jon: Yes, I think it was the heros.
Osweld: Let's get them!
Axi: No, No... let them go.
KrazyHorse: Why?!
Axi: Because, we are villians. We will let the good guys go because we are arrogant, only to act surprised when they beat us because we could have smushed them many times along the way.
Osweld: Ahhhhhh... huh?
Mr Fun: Just go with it.
KrazyHorse:  Oh what?
Mr Fun:
(Continue)
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Stefu
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CLOWNS WIT DA DOWNS 4 LIFE YO!
Jan 1970
time: 07:20
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But just as our heroes are about to leave, or stay, or do whatever in the woods or wherever they are...
Stefu: What, you saying I should read the previous episodes?
...something completely unexcepted happens!
The Finns attack!
Stefu: Well, it's not really attack, it's just an appearance. In any case, mwahahaha!
Kassiopeia: Mwahahaha!
LightEning: Mwahahaha! Linux!
Demon Allbran: Mwahahaha!
aaglo: Mwahahaha!
Andemagne: Mwahahaha!
New Finn to be unveiled in August: Mwahahaha!
Stefu: That's it, you're out! I wasn't supposed to create you until August!
*New Finn disappears, and Stefu realizes that as the writer, he can do pretty much anything with characters*
Imran: Oh no! Whatever shall we do? *wears ballet suit, dances*
Asher: Weren't you supposed to appear in later episodes? *beats his nuts with a hammer*
Stefu: Oh, come on. That was just Imran's lame hook to get me to write.
Imran: So it was! *comically steps in bear poop*
Siro: Why haven't the other Finns moved after those mwahahahas? *farts loudly*
Kassiopeia: Now that's just impatient. Hey, why haven't I noticed I have a girl's name before?
Demon Allbran: Indeed!
Andemagne: Indeed!
*Stefu realizes he doesn't really have an use for all these Finns, and they all disappear, except for himself*
Stefu: Anyway, can I join your quest against evil dudes or something whatever? Not that I want, but I just can't wait for those funny Stefu-is-a-girl jokes, that always amuse everyone plenty ha-haa!
Imran: Just stop writing us doing all this stupid-ass stuff. *does stupid-ass stu
Imran: That's better. Come! Join us!
*Camera moves amateurishly to the evil ones*
MrFun: Oh no! As a moderate liberal homosexual, I notice that Stefu has joined the ranks of the good! How can I, moderate liberal homosexual, and my evil brethen survive?
KrazyHorse: Hey, ever noticed we are all leftists?
MrFun: But you all are more radical than I am, for I am moderate liberal! Homosexual.
red_jon: No, you are homosexual. Quiche!
MrFun: No, you are homosexual. Foppy!
*both prance around stereotypically*
axi: This isn't going anywhere, is it?
But suddenly, it does!
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15-06-2002 05:59
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