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Jon Miller
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I was refering to Boris
Jon Miller
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Ming
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The sun was coming up over the Sea of Japan... the light flooded through the window of the cheap hotel room. Inside, 100's of empty beer cans contributed to the stink as three snoring figures were sleeping the early morning away.
Ring.... Ring... Ring...
Ming... What the hell is that... snoor.... leave me alone.
MLeonard... Somebody get the damn phone... I don't feel like moving.
MtG... get up you wimps, on the ground both of you... I want to see you both do 50 push ups right now.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
MLeonard... Don't you think we should answer the phone first...
Ming... Good thinking... grumble grumble grumble... 50 push ups, who does he think he is..
Ring... Ring... Ring...
GET THE PHONE DAMN IT...
Ming stumbles across the room, tripping over the empty beer cans... swearing as each can cuts into his feet...
Touching the button on the speaker phone, he falls down into the nearest chair... sitting on three more empty beer cans... damn it... where are my smokes.
MLeonard... don't you dare smoke in here...
A loud voice from the phone interupts the coversation...
GOOD MORNING MR PHELPS...
MtG... Who the hell is Mr. Phelps...
OPPS... Sorry about that, wrong story...
GOOD MORNING ANGELS...
Good Morning Charlie the three respond together as they sit up straight in their chairs...
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU... IT'S MARKOS... Crap, never mind... we have business to take care of today...
Ming lights up a cig and cracks open a fresh beer...
Here is you mission if you choose to accept it...
MtG leans over and whispers in MLeonards ear... "I think he's reading from the wrong script again"...
In the envelope on the table, you will find 3 tickets for the bullet train leaving Toyko this morning for Sendai.
From there, you will board a bus headed for Miyaki Stadium, which is about a 35 minute ride. Once there, you will make contact with Mr. Q for further orders.
It is imperative that you reach the stadium before this evening. You must be ready to perform whatever tasks he assigns you before the start of the Match between the Turks and Japan on the 18th...
Ming... Yes master... as he looks through the envelope and sees the first class tickets... YES MASTER he responds with more enthusiasim...
Now listen up Angels... You aren't the only team I'm sending in...
WHO... WHO... WHO... whines Ming as he kills another beer.
The Communist Homosexuals...
A silence falls across the room...
The Communist Homosexuals... they respond together...
Another moment of silence before the room is filled with laughter...
HA HA HA HA HA the Communist Homosexuals.. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
What are they supposed to do... bore the Turkish team to sleep... HA HA HA HA HA
SILENCE ANGELS... You don't need to know their plan, just do your job. Between the two of you, success will be mine...
That is enough for now... now go and meet with Mr. Q.
Time is running out. And as usual, if you or any of the angels get caught or killed, Apolyton will disavow any knowledge of your actions...
MtG wispers to MLeonard again... somebody aught to give these greeks the right script...
Ming looks at MtG in alarm... If he is following that script... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES...
All three dive for the door... LET US OUT... LET US OUT...
Damn... IT'S LOCKED...
MtG grabs the tickets and screams stand back...
THIS PHONE WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 15 Seconds... good luck Mr Phelps...
MtG raises his foot and kicks the door... his foot bounces off... DO IT AGAIN SCREAMS MLeonard...
10
9
8
OPEN THAT DAMN DOOR... whines Ming...
7
6
5
4
All three stand together and rush the door...
3
2
1
As they are just about to hit the door, it flies open...
ROOM SERVICE... They plow through the poor waiter.
HIT THE GROUND...
The explosion roars... empty beer cans flying everywhere... the blast blows the three angels down a nearby stairwell.
They pick themselves up as they hit the bottom...
Damn... I'm going to KILL Charlie the next time we see him screams MtG...
Well... it was better than doing 50 push ups smiles MLeonard...
Ming looks at the broken cig hanging from his lip...
Well, off to the station... we have a train to catch.
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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:20
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quote:
I don't see someone writing YOU going in there strapped with dynamite around your waste, do I? |
That's because you haven't read this part of the story yet  .
---
Siro: What the Hell do you think you are doing?
Imran is has a black stocking over his head and three red sticks that seems to resemble dynamite strapped to his waste (how's that for customer feedback?).
Imran: Um... I going to go in there during the middle of the 1st half and threaten to blow myself up if the Turks try to go into the locker room.
Siro: Somehow, I don't think that would work. And you, a Muslim doing it? Do you really want to give us another justification for pulverizing Palestine?
Imran whips off the black mask.
Imran: Well, I guess not, but Mr Fun and Boris, the invisible homo, are already inside. How can we get them? We don't even have tickets!!
Siro: NO TICKETS?! Well, in that case, maybe you should put that black mask back on and say something in an Arabic sounding language. I'll cover you... yeah... I'll go sit in the stands and pretend like I'm watching the game... yeeeaah.
Just at that moment a parachuter dropped from the sky. He seemed to be aiming for the stadium, but had very bad navigation skills and ended up coming straight for Siro and Imran.
Siro: Well that's a new form of suicide bomber.
Imran: Wha?
Siro: Oh right, we are in Korea, not Israel.
Imran: That didn't stop you from beating up Arabs last night.
Siro: Er... I was drunk, I swear. And they asked for it.... being... um.. Arab and all.
Thankfully for Siro, the parachuter at that time landed. It was Reismark, another repulsive Apolytoner. He fell to the ground only to look up and see Imran and Siro looking down at him.
Reismark: Well that was a bad jump. I seem to have landed in the middle of the Israeli-Pakistani match. Wait... Israel, Pakistan... um... am I in North Korea?
Imran: No, you moron, it is Imran and Siro... you messed up your jump, and you are a mile out of the stadium.
Reismark: DAMN!
Siro: Don't have a ticket either?
Reismark: No, I had to stop the Communist Homosexuals.
Imran: You are in on our side as well?
Reismark: MtG hired me. He said the safety of the world depended on it. And if I did it, he'd make sure the Tampa Bay Buccanears win the SuperBowl. IN YOUR FACE!
Imran: You bastard! Well maybe now I'll let the Commies win. Just to spite you!
Siro: WHAT?!
Imran: Um... nevermind. Ok, now to find out a way in. I think that man wearing orange might have a way in.
Siro: Who, Paul from Apolyton?
Imran: Yep. I told him the Irish were playing there... just be glad he hasn't blown up the stadium by now.
(continue)
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:20
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Why is it my name has never been mentioned on any of these freaking adventure threads?
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Ecthy
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Zhonghuà Rénmín Gònghéguó
Mar 2000
time: 06:20
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*waits desperately for a reply*
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Sirotnikov
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<--- Yes, It's a "kitty" in a boot.
Feb 2000
time: 07:20
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Meanwhile in S. Japan… no wait… oh whatever… near the stadium, Eli and Asher are waiting in line to get into the field. Chris 62 has departed from Siro and Imran earlier, due to a sudden plot twist in which Imran and Siro stopped heading to the N. Korean border.
Asher: So… um… Eli, right? Have you ever tried… drugs?
Eli: Does allergy medicine count?
Asher: No, not really.
Eli: Nope then.
Asher: So, tell me, you like girls?
Eli: Erm.. yes. Girls and Computer Science.
Asher: Ever though of guys?
Eli: erm… in what way?
Asher: Well you know, expanding your horizons, not being so conservative. Having a good time, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge.
Eli:  no…
Asher: Ok then. Well, have you ever thought about moving to Canada then?
Eli: Nah, waaaay too many Jews there. I like Israel better.
Asher: So what brings you to save the worlds from communists?
Eli: We have to be able to continue our opr… fight against terror, and the commies deprive us of that.
Asher: But why do you keep on with oppressing the Pals? I mean, you don't oppress anybody else. You have black Jewish communities which you are helping. You are quite tolerant towards Gay people.
Eli: Erm… well, they started it.
Asher: So mature.
Eli: But they did, they…
Asher: Sure what ever.
Eli: No, seriously, just look at…
Asher: You're just being mean.
Eli: Come on, take for a example…
Asher: I already know that'll be irrelevant.
Eli: You're not even listening to what I have to say! 
Asher: Oh please, more straw men from you.
Eli: 
Asher: 
Eli: Hey, what's that?
Asher: That's a Canadian.
Eli: No but he looks and behaves all important, even though he's way too young. And he's wearing an Apolyton shirt.
Asher: Hmmm…. Let's ask him the time. (addresses the man) Excuse me, what is the time?
Canadian: Dear Sir, Allow me first to congratulate you for initiating this conversation. Following your inquiry as to the time, I can't directly answer you since it does not depend on me or Apolyton in general. If you would be so kind to buy a watch and learn to read it, I'm sure you will find it useful in the future as well. I was glad to help.
Eli: Hmmm… that's suspicious. I have an idea. (addresses the Canadian) You've been awfully slow lately.
Canadian: Hello again. If you experience any technical difficulties in watching me walk, perhaps you should get your glasses clean, or purchase a video camera, record me walking, and play it in high speed. Either that, or you can try pinging me and you'll see that I'm not the source of the problem, but rather the …. SH!T!! I blew my cover! Markos will be mad!
Eli: DanQ!! I knew it!
DanQ quickly ran into the Stadium.
Asher panics and runs around in circles. After a while he stopped.
Asher: We better stop him.
Eli: Yeah.
Following which they run into the stadium.
* back to imran and siro on the other end of the stadium *
Siro: So, reismark, have you been following WWF lately?
reismark: oooh yeah! The rock is huge! He and Triple H, caught up against Bad Ass Undertaker and Chyna, and now they are fighting in a cage mach with Vince McMahon as the referee…
Imran: Cut that out.
reismark: what?
Imran: Talking about wrestling. We have a mission to complete. And anyways, it's not even a real sport.
Siro: What do you mean?
Imran: You were never told? It's fake! A show! An act! A soap opera for the easily excited!
Siro: Huh?
reismark: shhhh nothing happened. Imran is having a bad day. (to imran) Shut up! Aint it enough Jews don't believe in Santa, you also want to take away professional wrestling?
Imran: But Santa doesn't exist. And neither does MarkG  
Siro: Bah!
Imran: Sorry, I just had to
Siro: Anyway, I say this – Imran, you go to the entrance with a big black bag and refuse to be checked. Meanwhile, reismark will infiltrate the building. At that point I will appear and rescue you from the guards.
Imran: Why would they listen to you?
Siro: I'll say I'm Israeli and I have experience with arresting ara….
Imran:
Siro: …I mean muslims. 
Imran: Alright.
(Meanwhile, on the North Korean border)
Chris62: "Oh sure", they said, "why don't you go drag your ass across the border, where it's cold and there are electric barbed wires", they said, "We'll go to the stadium and watch… prevent some gay plot" they said. I'm freezing my ass here, and they are watching a game.
Suddenly, Chris62 notices a figure standing next to a tree. It was touching itself.
Chris: Identify yourself. And put down the weapon! I'm armed!
Figure: No! Don't shoot! It's me! I wasn't doing anything! Just… measuring.
Chris: Put down the weapon and no one will get hurt!
Figure: No, it's not a weapon! And I can't put it down!
Chris: What the hell are you doing! Put it down man!
Figure: I can't! It's my penis! I was just comparing it to this tree branch here.
Chris: Oh, Dalgetti, it’s you!
Dalgetti: Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm not gay, really. I'm not even that communist. I ran away. I don't like them. They support the Palestinians.
Chris: Sure sure… whatever.
Dalgetti: Listen, I know all about the communist scheme. I have this special communist radio that can decode their secret frequencies.
Chris: Really?
Dalgetti: Yeah, you get one for free after you purchase 3 red flags and a Karl Marx book.
Chris: But aren't you a Leninist?
Dalgetti: No, I'm a Ruski Jew.
Chris: Erm… ok.
Chris and Dalgetti continue to walk towards the border.
After a while, they notice two people standing at a border gate, with several trucks filled with heavy machinery.
Chris: Fall on the ground!
Dal: Wha..
Chris pushed Dalgetti on the ground, and quickly dropped too.
Dal: Ouch, now my hand hurts…
Chris: Maybe you should have w anked less infront of that tree.
Dal: I wasn't wan…
Chris: quiet! Let's look!
(lazy zoom to the couple at the gate)
Osweld: We got everything here, as you asked.
KH: Yep, nuclear core and everything.
Communist Border Guard: Aha, thank you. The regime is very grateful. If you ever need chemical weapons…
Osweld: Those are immoral…
Guard: Well, yes, obviously, I meant to say, if you ever need chemical weapons, it means you have degraded yourself to the level of western capitalism and imperialism.
Osweld: Oh that's good, because you know…
Guard: Yeah, sure. (turns away and walks away)
Osweld and KH turn around and begin walking back into S. Korea.
Suddenly Chris62 and Dalgetti jump at them.
Chris: Aha! I caught you! You were giving nuclear weapons to the North Koreans! Traitors!
Osweld: What nuclear weapons? They aren't at all building anything nuclear.
Chris: Then what are they building in that super guarded site?
Osweld: They promised us that it's actually a top secret soccer training field.
Dal: What??? 
Osweld: Yeah, they said they suck at soccer and they want to train their team, but without being picked up by western evil satellites that steal their game tactics, so we gave them radar jammers and darkness generators (© Red AlertTM).
Chris: Oh yeah? What for do they need the nuclear core then?
Osweld: They promised me that they simply want to heat up the stadium since it's cold.
Chris: Oh that's nonsense! They fooled you! Typical Canadians!
Osweld: What? They wouldn't! They are all good people! It's you western imperialist evil doers that make them appear evil! It's your dehumanizing propaganda!
Dalgetti: Oh come on, even I know that they are lying.
KH: Ok listening to Osweld is kinda funny, but enough with that. You know and I know that the US is the source of hegemony in the world, and that can't stand. We need balance.
Dalgetti: Ok, so supply nuclear weapons to… umm… Australia or something like that. N. Korea is crazy! And Evil!
KH: Because bush said so?
Dalgetti: No! They are enslaving their own people! That's far from communism!
KH: Oh comeon! Everyone enslave their people!
Faded Glory: Not at all! Everyone in America are free!
Dalgetti: Where did you come from?
Faded: I came with Chris, but I fell asleep in his pocket where it's warm.
Chris62: It's this damn roomy army jacket.
Dal: What else have you got in there?
Chris: Let's see… a hand grenade, a box of Belgian chocolates, Colon, of course, an American flag, a user's guide to inflatable … erm.. nevermind.
Dal: So what do we do now?
Chris: We tie the Candians up, leave them here and proceed to N. Korea.
Dal: Isn't that kinda harsh?
Chris: you're right. If someone accidentally encounters them, he'd have to listen to their communist raving. Let's burry them in the snow.
Faded: That's an excellent idea.
Dal: Yeah, ok, I guess we gotta.
Osweld: Wait? Don't we get a word in this? I mean, it's undemocratic and force really doesn't really solve anything…
KH: Oh shut up already. Would you mind burying him deeper?
(to be continued)
(I would like to comment that while we should make fun of every possible stereotype, the gays have been presented in a kinda stupid way. I think that if it would be less obvious and less "generally gay" and more particular to each person, it will be better.)
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Jon Miller
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Suddenly a Cellphone rings
It is evening and a truck is parked next to a old abandoned pier
a young man named A Cow Killed ME answered the phone inside of the truck
"yes sir, the superfast transport hovercraft NAV-129 will be deployed"
from the phone the sound of crackeling laughter is heard
in an invisible quiet helocopter hovering over the stadium Boris sits laughing as he turns off his cellphone
"Ha ha ha, those fools never realised that they only see the clone I sent to spy on them. aburtt, take me to the secret advanced base."
With that the helocopter starts flying south.
Jon Miller
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Imran Siddiqui
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The Potterverse
Jan 1970
time: 00:20
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(Meanwhile in South Korea)
Axi is seen to be bowing in front of a robed figure clad all in black. On him is the mark of the Communist Homosexuals (A Red Rainbow..... don't ask me!). He is inside of a factory, which seems to be producing weapons, each with the mark of the revolution (a big smily).
Axi: My lord, the plan is moving along well. Markos has Ming and MtG positioned at the front of the stadium to look for Siro, Imran, and Reismark. Mr Fun and Boris are moving quickly to the Boy's... *ahem* Turkish Locker Room.
Figure: Good. My young apprentace is learning well in unleashing his 'Angels'. I am very impressed with the one named MtG and his power with a banning rod...
Axi: Yes my lord, and the Gays sure love a man with a big stick in his hands!
Figure: Yes... and the Canadians?
Axi: They are playing into our hands, my lord. They have given the North Koreans all sort of missles and weaponry in the futile belief their friged landscape will ever be heated... HARR HARR!
Figure: Good. Soon the Turkish Team will be in my grasp and we shall set the ransom. You my go.
Axi: Yes, my lord. Shall we continue to keep your power a secret?
Figure: Yes. While I am armed with a banning rod, I am powerful. And at the same time no one suspects poor little MLeonard. I have simply been biding my time, learning the ways of the vBB, while the other sqander their power. Only a few know of what I really am, but soon they will all know. Now see to it that all goes as planned.
--
(At the stadium.. wherever the Hell it is floating)
Imran: Ok, so, knock out the Homosexuals. We have to have a plan though. They are already almost to the locker room.
Siro: But what can we do?
Imran: Reismark, with all that crap in your backpack, you think you got a bullhorn?
Reismark: Of Course! I always carry around a bullhorn!
Siro: Why?
Reismark: What?
Siro: What?
Reismark: ... 
Siro: No, why do you always carry around a bullhorn.
Reismark: Well, you never know we you are going to need it.
Imran: That works for me, now listen.
In about ten minutes the bullhorn was connected to a powersource and amplifier that allowed it to be heard across the stadium. There also was placed a voice disguiser on it. Suddenly a voice rang out.
Voice: I have a kitty here belonging to KrazyHorse... it is in pain! PAIIIIIN!
(In the stadium)
Boris: So what, the cat was in pain. Right, Mr Fun, I mean.... Mr Fun?
Mr Fun was halfway back to the main entrance huffing and puffing.
Boris: Awww, sh!t.
Boris hustles back and catches up with our cat-concerned friend.
Boris: What are you doing?
Mr Fun: Didn't you hear that announcement?! The cat is hurt!
Boris: So?
Mr Fun: You evil man! How could you even call yourself gay?
Boris: Um... because I like men?
Mr Fun: That's not the point!
Boris: Then what is?
Mr Fun: (pause) .... I don't know! But I do know I'm saving that cat.
Boris: Don't know? How can you not know what the point is?
Mr Fun: Well, I just don't. Do I have to?
Boris: Do you have to?! You know I can't be on Poly every second. We need to have Homosexuals that know what the point of things are.
Mr Fun:  Are you free Saturday?
Boris: Well, mayb.... wait? Are you asking me out?
Mr Fun: Um... would you say yes if I did?
Boris: That depends if you were asking me out.
*awkward pause*
Mr Fun: Alrighty then.
Boris: Can you at least give me the sleep inducer?
Mr Fun: No, can't slow down. Kitty needs me!
Boris: MLeonard's gonna have my balls for this, isn't he? 
Last edited by Imran Siddiqui on 18-06-2002 at 05:28
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Sirotnikov
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<--- Yes, It's a "kitty" in a boot.
Feb 2000
time: 07:20
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(imagine this happenned before imran's post)
on the other side, the phone is closed.
Imran, Siro and reismark are all rolling on the floor laghing their asses of, all in tears.
Siro: That was brilliant.
Imran: Ahhh, sweet god, I love prank calls.
reismark: Let's call someone else now.
*dials random number*
voice: hello.
reismark: the israelis are attacking.
siro: hey now...
voice: what? are you serious?
reismark: yes. allah is great, you know what to do.
siro: hey, stop that. it's dangerous.
voice: yes sir, i do.
reismark closes the phone and proceeds to laugh histerically with Imran.
Siro: hey guys, do you know what you could possibly have caused?
Imran smacks Siro on the back: come on, loosen up, jew. It's just pure fun. No one gets hurt.
But Siro had a wierd feeling about that.
Last edited by Sirotnikov on 18-06-2002 at 05:31
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Jon Miller
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at the abandoned pier the sound of machinery is heard
water is spraying every which way and a fearsome shape is rising
A Cow Killed ME sits calmly by his truck (which looks to have peanuts in it) and waits
after a half hour or so, a strange craft sits in front of him
the pier is steady enough and the hovercraft is situated such that the truck can be driven into the hold
as A Cow Killed ME drives the truck into the hovercraft he sees made in finland printed on the sides of the hovercraft
Jon Miller
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Ming
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FIRST CLASS.... ahhhhhh......
The three Angels sat down in their first class seats on the Bullet Train... so soft... so comfy... so nice...
DRINKS... WE NEED DRINKS... Ming yells as the most beautiful creature he had ever seen walks by holding a serving tray...
May I help you gentlemen she responded with a smile that could melt steel...
Hmmm... Three beers... and what do you guys want Ming asked.
MtG... Beer... NO WAY... I want a man's drink. Bring a bottle of your best tequila... and make sure it has a worm...
She then notices MLeonard... at first, there was a strange look in her eye, but then, her smile just grew larger. She leaned over to provide MLeonard with a "wonderful" view, and placed her hand on the inner part of his thigh... And what would you like oh great one...
He drew her ear close to his lips... almost to the point of licking them... he wispered a few words...
OH... she yipped... I won't tell your secret...
MtG and Ming look at each other... "secret"????
I'll just have a diet coke... he responded with a smile.
She dashed off, and within seconds, and ice cold diet coke was placed in front of MLeonard... It's the freshest we have master...
Shhh... I'm just a poor traveler...
OH.... she responds as she continues to rub the inside of his thigh...
That will be enough... please get my friends their drinks.
Yes master she says.... MLeonard just rolls his eyes as she dashes off... with both Ming and MtG watching her lovely butt bounce back and forth.
The long train ride went by smoothly... with what seemed like an endless supply of drinks... MtG was on his third bottle, and Ming had to switch from Old Style to Miller Lite, because he had killed their supply...
MLeonard just sat quietly... humming the theme from Star Wars... and drinking his Diet Coke...
They arrived and transfered to the bus... as they boarded, a dark small object was seen running between the tires...
What was that... MtG looked at Ming... probably just a rat... don't worry about it... Another dark object darted out... Hmmm Ming said, looked more like a ferret...
A shadow crossed over the sun... no sounds could be heard... the quiet was complete... and all three screemed in unison.... FERRETS.... OH NO...
They raced onto the bus... MtG pulled out the largest hunting knife you could possibly imagine... He put it to the bus drivers throat... MOVE IT... NOW...
While the bus driver didn't speak any English, he seemed to get the message as the bus tore out of the lot... heading at 100 miles per hour toward the stadium.
Ming and MLeonard sat at the back of the bus looking out the back... Do you see anything... No... do you...
It looks clear MLeonard yelled to MtG...
The rest of the ride was uneventful...
When they arrived at the stadium MtG looked at Ming... While I've seen that crappy picture of DanQ on Apolyton, I'm not sure I could pick him out of a crowd... how are we going to find him... Ming was too busy taking a piss on the side of the bus to answer...
MLeonard looked up... Don't worry, I know what he looks like... as a matter of fact there he is right now outside the stadium...
As they approached him... MLeonard grabbed Ming and MtG by the collars... WAIT... hide here.
From their hiding place they could see DanQ talking to two people... Is that who I think it is...
Yeah... it's Asher and Eli...
Damn responded Ming... now what.
MLeonard smiled and said don't worry... they won't recogonize him... Suddenly, DanQ runs for the stadium as Eli is heard to scream "DanQ... I KNEW IT"... they followed him into the stadium.
Now what... MtG asked. MLeonard quickly responded... I know another way into the stadium... follow me. We will catch up with DanQ after he has lost them...
As they moved toward the stadium... two little creature could be seen following them at a safe distance....
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18-06-2002 01:16
) into this, right? 
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