23-06-2002 02:53									#1
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(Note: If you want to participate as a PC, state race and class when you post.)

I'll act as DM, so...

You arrive at a cave. You see twelve orcs, but they haven't seen you.

What do you do?

	23-06-2002 02:54									#2
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Give them oral sex.

	23-06-2002 02:58									#3
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Jon: As you attempt to give them oral sex, several of them bash your head open with clubs and swords. You die an ignominious death.

(Should I roll stats for another character?)

Everyone else:

They've sighted the party and are running toward us. Right now, they're perhaps 20 yds away and closing fast. What do you do?

	23-06-2002 03:00									#4
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Red_jon, Orcs have, erm, big ones. That might be difficult, though I know nothing of you.

And Orcs are also greedy and impatient. They would see you as a possible mate and they would fight amongst themselves to see which one got you.

Causing chaos to break... hey wait... wow, that's an amazing plan. If you can survive it.

	23-06-2002 03:04									#5
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Race: Human

Class: Paladin/Undead Hunter

I move into the cave to create a chokepoint, regardless of dangers within.

	23-06-2002 03:06									#6
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quote: Originally posted by Lorizael Red_jon, Orcs have, erm, big ones. That might be difficult, though I know nothing of you.

I have a big mouth

I rise from the dead and do it again

	23-06-2002 03:12									#7
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Race: Human
Class: Bard

I follow Sandman into the cave while trying to pickpocket him.

	23-06-2002 03:13									#8
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That's so gross. Orcs are ugly muthers.

	23-06-2002 03:17									#9
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Anyway, is this second or third ed?

I'l be... Lorizael. An elven conjurer. Though he was made in second edition. And he is of immense power at this point. I turn invisible and fly over the Orcs so as not to be heard. I'm a pacifist and I don't wear armor, I don't want a fight.

I'm guessing, however, you will not let me use the great Lorizael Lomaut, creator of the awesome spell, Lorizael's Grease.

And I think Lorizael will have sex with Red_Jon. Lorizael never did draw much of a distinction between the sexes. Except for human men. They were just dirty. Red_Jon, you're not human are you? Or a Dwarf... eww.

	23-06-2002 03:18									#10
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Jon:

The orc bashes your head open again. You die ignominiously again. On the other hand, you distracted one of the orcish grunts from fighting.

Sandman:

You get attacked by two orcs. *rolls dice a bunch of times* You slay both.

Now you see August under attack. What do you do?

August:

Your attempts at pickpocketing-- *rolls dice*-- fail. You decide to pick Jon's pockets.

You find a shiny new crowbar. Now three orcs are staring at you. What do you do?

	23-06-2002 03:19									#11
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Lorizael:

Third edition.

August is your comrade. He's under attack. Will you join combat? (You don't have to fight in a melee. You could just cast spells.)

	23-06-2002 03:21									#12
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What spells would I actually have? I don't have the handbook in front of me right now. Unless you will let me use my tenth level elven conjurer...

	23-06-2002 03:22									#13
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I steal a nuclear weapon and end this game...

	23-06-2002 03:24									#14
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quote: Now you see August under attack. What do you do?

I grab August (resisting temptation to use him as a flail) and drag him into the cave.

Hopefully Lorazael will use his magic to prevent pursuit.

	23-06-2002 03:25									#15
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quote: Originally posted by red_jon I steal a nuclear weapon and end this game...

Stop your spamming of this thread...

	23-06-2002 03:27									#16
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I watch in disgust as the distracted orc abuses red_jon's dead body. Then I equip my crowbar and prepare for combat while I beg Sandman and Lorizael for help.

	23-06-2002 03:30									#17
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You're *checks guidebook* 5th-level. Conjurer, so...

1st-level (12 spell points)
grease
mage armor
magic missile
mount
obscuring mist
summon monster I
Tenser's floating disc
unseen servant

2nd-level (5)
fog cloud
glitterdust
invisibility
Melf's acid arrow
summon monster II
summon swarm
web

3rd-level (1)
flame arrow
fly
phantom steed
summon monster III

Take your pick. (BTW-- what level is Lorizael's Grease?)

Jon: Nukes are T17. This campaign is T11, so nukes wouldn't function normally.

On the other hand, you could steal one from a T17 plane. So, will you search for a gate?

	23-06-2002 03:33									#18
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quote: Originally posted by Vlad Antlerkov Jon: Nukes are T17. This campaign is T11, so nukes wouldn't function normally. On the other hand, you could steal one from a T17 plane. So, will you search for a gate?

No, I think I'll just sit in the corner quietly...

	23-06-2002 03:48									#19
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chegitz is a fighter. From behind Sandman's chokepoint, I fire arrows from my long bow into the cave. If there's no choke point, I take out my sowrd and cover sandy's back.

	23-06-2002 05:01									#20
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Jon:

Good choice. I'd say the chances of finding a pre-existing gate (or getting someone to make one for you) are around .1%, so you'd need a 3 on a 3d10 to succeed. Then there's the odds of successfully stealing a nuke.

Che:

There's a chokepoint, so you're there.

Your arrows aren't hitting anything alive.

Everyone:

Do we progress further into the cave, or retreat?

	23-06-2002 05:06									#21
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No targets, no shots.

	23-06-2002 05:08									#22
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So are you going in further, or no?

	23-06-2002 06:40									#23
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Sauce the Midnight Toker

Gnome - Illusionist - Level 2

Possesses a magical water pipe

I think we should go further in.

	23-06-2002 06:56									#24
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Ooh, I always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons, but my Baptist parents wouldn't let me, because it was a bit occult.

	23-06-2002 08:09									#25
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Same here Seneca.

	23-06-2002 08:20									#26
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Little does the party know that an Orc Warlord and entourage has just walked out of the local Age of Wonders universe and into the back of the cave... Gotta love 22 Strength & Weapon Specialization. That two-handed sword does 2d6+11 damage, and it's not even magical, just masterwork. Plus you get to break through full plate if you want to score a hit.

On the other hand, with only 8 Wisdom, if anybody has some Sleep or Charm spells handy...

	23-06-2002 09:46									#27
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The Adventures comes to an end as a Black Dragon swoops down from the sky and eats everybody.

	23-06-2002 09:51									#28
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Grunt
Half-human, half dwarf
Grabs his bastard sword in one hand and his hatchet in the other and wades into the fray with the fighter, snorting derisively at the wimpy magic users and the token stoner.

	23-06-2002 10:08									#29
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Clank the iron golem thief. If I can't be an iron golem thief, I'd like to be either a monk or a ranger (what else ) but I do not know any of the 3rd ed rules.

	23-06-2002 11:19									#30
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UR: Sure you can be one. 3rd edition is quite flexible about races. However, they do have suggested level adjustments for a balanced party- for instance, the half-dragon template gets some pretty nasty bonuses and so has a level penalty (for balanced parties) of 3. Minotaurs are even better and have 8 (IIRC). Tiefling & Aasamir are quite minor, and are thus just 1, and of course standard races and balanced monster races (like goblins) are 0. I don't think anybody ever thought of iron golems as sentient, but I'd guess the level adjustment for a sentient one would be around 14 or something similarly ridiculous.

And oh yes, as a random comment, the 3rd edition handbooks are generally pretty sucky, but by far the best one is the Barbarian, Druid, & Ranger handbook which includes rules for an Urban Ranger.

Grab the PHB while you can, they should only be 20 bucks (that'd be what, 14 pounds?), but I've heard rumors they're going to raise the price to 30. That's all you need, the 3rd edition DMG and Monster Manual are quite inessential.