21-11-2003 04:28									#241
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Granted, but the farm where the cow was raised and the butcher shop where the meat was cut were declared safe only by US regulatory standards!

I wish I were playing Victoria.

	21-11-2003 07:30									#242
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quote: And Q Cubed, did you have to turn my girlfriend into a stripper?

sorry, ben. but what other way to corrupt a beautiful, virginal woman?

===

granted, but Queen Victoria wins every single game you play against her, deems you unworthy of her time and finds you not amusing, consigning you to the tower of london.

i wish i were in chicago with my friends right now, barbecuing racks and racks of meat.

	21-11-2003 09:48									#243
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed i wish i were in chicago with my friends right now, barbecuing racks and racks of meat.

Granted, but it turns out that you and your friends are the lovely morsels on the racks.

I wish conservatives and liberals would agree on all political issues.

	21-11-2003 10:42									#244
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quote: I wish conservatives and liberals would agree on all political issues.

granted, do I really need to mention what would happen when all of the liberals allow the conservatives to keep Bush as king?

I wish I had a brain

	21-11-2003 10:50									#245
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Poof! The world ends.

I wish the I hadn't wished this.

	21-11-2003 10:52									#246
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Errr, I was responding to Trip… but it will work for yours, too.

	21-11-2003 10:53									#247
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quote: I wish the I hadn't wished this.

granted you never wished this. (but what it this

I wish I was more wishful, cause right now Im all wished out.

	21-11-2003 12:01									#248
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Poof! You can wish again; and wish, and wish, and wish some more. You wish for wishy-wishes and swishy-wishes, and wish for wishes that no one dared wish for before! In the end, you get stuck in some insepid f'ed up fairy tale starring Hugh Grant and written by Michael Moore.

I wish, I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

	22-11-2003 10:20									#249
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BAMF! You never killed that Fish. Unfortunately, it wasn't a fish but a scout for an alien invasion. Earth falls in days.

I wish I was thinner.

	22-11-2003 10:55									#250
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Granted! You are now skinny as a toothpick and are being used by a giant to have his teeth picked. But you're so skinny and dense, you go straight through his gums and inside of his stomach. This promptly kills him because of blood poisoning, so he never craps you out. So, now you're in him forever. Forever I tells ya!

I wish my bath tub were fixed.

	22-11-2003 13:23									#251
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Poof! You end up in the emergency room after you see the bill.

I wish I had perfect pitch.

	22-11-2003 13:45									#252
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!BRAWAGAWAGA! you now have perfect pitch, but you're now in a coma, and the only way in which you percieve the world around you is through your left nostril.

... i wish i had my ex, amanda back.

	22-11-2003 14:01									#253
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Your wish comes true. Amada not only is back, but will never leave, since she's been stuffed and mounted on the mantelpiece.

I wish I came in 31 different flavors.

	22-11-2003 14:12									#254
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WOOT! that's perfect!

ok. you now come in 31 different flavors. you go into the adult film business, acquire a feirce cocaine habit, and die of a heart attack from overdosing.

i wish i could be a moderator here at apolyton.

	22-11-2003 14:20									#255
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

Yeah, the only problem you have now is you'll need a tape of her faking orgasms when you decide to do her. You didn't throw away your old one, did you?

Bampf! You wish comes true. You could be a moderator here, if Mark and Dan would only let you.

I wish I could get my report done without distractions.

	22-11-2003 14:28									#256
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

actually, i think it's rather fitting that she's perched up on my mantle. that way she can watch when i bring girls over from the hot or not thread for 'romantic encounters.' it would server her right. **evil grin**

you want to get your report done on time, and without distractions? poof! apolyton never existed. not only do you get this one done, but any others you previously handed in aren't late anymore.

i wish i had an hard boiled egg.

	22-11-2003 14:55									#257
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Its the egg of an especially nasty infestinal parasite.

I wish Guiness didn't cost so much

	22-11-2003 15:26									#258
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Poof! Now you can drink Guiness for free all you want. In fact, they keep making you drink the stuff, until you're completely sick of it. Something about behavioural correction.

I wish I could think of what to get for my SO for Christmas.

	22-11-2003 21:14									#259
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quote: Originally posted by Urban Ranger I wish I could think of what to get for my SO for Christmas.

Granted, turns out that your SO wants you gone.

I wish I didn't need so much sleep...

	22-11-2003 21:44									#260
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congrats. you make a deal with satan to never sleep again, but the up-front cost is that you have to be in a coma for twelve years. unfortunately, since there's no written documentation, you become the hot-button topic of whether they should disconnect you from life support or not.
the point turns up moot when there's a massive power failure and your life-support ceases, killing you in the process.

i wish i were famous in a good way, like being the writer of the great american literary novel.

	22-11-2003 21:52									#261
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Granted, even though your fame came twenty years after your death. You lived the life of a broken man, a penniless panhandler, and died ignominiously.

I wish I were less evil.

	23-11-2003 00:38									#262
	Put an end to popups!

granted. you now cease to exist, as all 'poly moderators are pure evil.

i wish i didn't have to re-buy so many CDs.

	23-11-2003 01:11									#263
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Granted.....All the record companies meet and decide to make music free. Unfortunately, without pay, the artists refuse to make any more music, and within 3 months of Cd's becoming free, music ceases to exist.

I wish for a truly good day tomorrow

Asmodean

	23-11-2003 01:13									#264
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

crosspost:

Granted, CD's no longer exist but are replaced with a contractal agreement for a multimedia package from Time-Warner-AOL. You now have access to any music, game, or any other media at the touch of your fingertips. You however, keep getting sent kiddie porn as well for which your promptly arrested for and sent to jail.

I wish I was the best hacker in the world, and I could break in and change anything on any computer in the world without anyone being aware of my presence.

	23-11-2003 01:21									#265
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

quote: Originally posted by Asmodean Granted.....All the record companies meet and decide to make music free. Unfortunately, without pay, the artists refuse to make any more music, and within 3 months of Cd's becoming free, music ceases to exist. I wish for a truly good day tomorrow Asmodean

Granted, tomorrow is truly a good day. Too bad it's the last day for all life on earth, for after tomorrow a nearby star's radiation from going supernova will hit earth, destroying all life on earth.

I still wish for my above wish

	23-11-2003 01:57									#266
	Support Apolyton, buy Call to Power 2

Granted. You still are a worthless lifeless nerd, though

	23-11-2003 08:28									#267
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quote: Originally posted by Thucydides I wish I was the best hacker in the world, and I could break in and change anything on any computer in the world without anyone being aware of my presence.

Granted. It also happens that from then on, you cannot access any other computers on any networks. You are forever stuck on your own workstation.

I wish I could keep in shape without exercising.

	23-11-2003 08:32									#268
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quote: I wish I could keep in shape without exercising.

Granted. A circle is a shape.

I wish I could ruthlessly murder all people who use cliches like the one I used above.

	23-11-2003 08:36									#269
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Granted. However, they all magically disappear from the face of the earth.

I wish I could be an instant expert on any subject area I choose.

	23-11-2003 08:39									#270
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quote: I wish I could be an instant expert on any subject area I choose.

Granted. Some nefarious trickster, however, entices you to learn about "suomiministeretti pornogratti", which is Finnish for pornography involving the leaders of Finland including the man in Stefu's avatar. You commit suicide, unable to cope with the mental image of him slowly stripping down.

I wish I could get rid of the nasty mental image I just produced, damnit.