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:) Smiley
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USCA, Berkeley
Feb 2001
time: 21:20
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DAY FOUR
No Jobs in Dead Roach Gulch, Partner!
Well folks, if ya been hearin' oer them telgraph that there jobs out here few days ago, Ah sorry to say that them work aint here no more and yall might as well hop back on them freight train and take yaself back East. Them three new buildins here all being done by them locals, and if yall aint in the union ya'd better feggetaboutit.
Ah take back wat I says- there be jobs, just aint no legit ones!
Word on them street sez tells Ah that while aint no real jobs out there in most corners o Dead Roach, if ya go to them back room in the ol saloon yall just might find some, shall I say employment?
Dont tell nobody where ya heard them news from, its all rummors, sir, all rummors. But if yall still wanna do it, ya got choices a plenty, ten diffrent bosses yall can work fer, I hear.
Fire Destroys Saloon!
This evenin' began like most others, with them folks returnin' from good clean work and bad dirty work to enjoy 'nother fine evenin' at Siban's saloon. Boss Cib had juss dug one big bahbecue pit out behind him shop an waz roastin' sum pig on them spit. Them folks waz all excited bout them new choices on them menu and showd up like a herd o stampedin longhorn to the Saloon.
Well them licker flowd and the poker games started, but then round ten this man Vad Hornkof flung open them swingin' doors and crashed them party.
Raisin' a ruckus and shootin' left n' right, he sent them saloon into a riut n barged him way into them kitchen. 'Fore Ah knew it, them whole saloon was broil'n like a steak in a campfire, and them customrs were runnin' out juss barely escapin' bein' burn'd all them way down to firey Hell. Some folks tried to round up a bucket brigade to save them saloon, but all was too sloshed to walk down to the town pump and in not half an hour them saloon was a chah'd ruin.
Mister Siban barely lived to tell them tale, luckly fer him he got built him that new barbcue shack to hit the sack in. As fer Vad, him still at large, maybe hidin' in that den o' ill repute of his.
code:
Claims Filed at Dead Roach County Land Office
| Name | Occupation | Land Claims |
| Atrahedron | Pioneer | Freeeeedom, Trankwil Base, Luna Ranch, Fence One, Shootin' Platform |
| EWW | Merchant | Chuck 7, Lou 11, Chuck 8, Lou 12, Fran 1 |
| Herkales | Banker | Quid, Bob, Penny, Farthin, Tosheroon |
| Jony | Politician | Dubya, Flipflop, Nadir, Badnik, Prootka |
| Kassie | Schoolteacher | Athens, Spahta, Corinz, Sirricuse, Sidonya |
| Loobletko | Painter | Bloo, Yella, Grin, Grae, Whiit |
| Boss Nucular | Pastor | Yassa, Arfat, Croaking, Dark Cabin |
| Siban | Cook | BBQ'd |
| Skanky Burnt | Musician | Classik, Dead Metal, Raygay, Blooos, Rap |
| Sparrowhack | Steamboat captain | Titun, Lassur, Fittuh |
| Spike, Esquire | Attorney | Uno, dos, tres, quatre, fuenf |
| Starred Cowboy | Cowboy | Rowlett, Mesquite, Garland, Plano, Richardson |
| Uncle B | Pimp | Clit, Vag, Lab, Censored, cun |
| Vad Hornkof | Pimp | Hoo-ray, Fer, Boobz |
| ColonelTacticus | Cavalry Officer | WASTED |
| DookCloud | Prospector | WASTED |
| Whohuh | Outlaw | WASTED |
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:) Smiley
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USCA, Berkeley
Feb 2001
time: 21:20
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DAY FIVE
Submarine Contraption Sinks on Maiden Voyage, All Hands Lost!
Hoopin to make him ships a hard'r target, our Cap'n Sparhack 'cided to build one o them new-fangled thingamajigs called them sub-marine! When Ah saw this new thing, which Sparhack called them Torpdoo, Ah coulda sworn them thing look like one o them locomotive boilrs with a bunch o iron stickin' out.
Anyways, just as Sparhack was launchin' them sub-marine, them docks was visited by outlaw and disordr once again. Ah aint know what beef them singer Skanky Burnt had with them Cap'n, but Ah do know that not even in them cities out East is the ten-gauge shotgun a mussikal instrument.
Speshhly one that shoot nuculah shells, and boooom! Them Titun, Lassuh, and Fittuh went down like them pile o soggy matchsticks n junk metal they'd become. Capn Sparhack tried to get away in him new sub-marine, and Ah thought he'd make it out them marsh, but Skanky had one mo' shot left and he blasted them water and crumpld the little Torpdoo like a tin 'o beans with Sparhack n him crew oozin' like that raw uncook'd mush out them side. If Ah'd you Ah'd fine me some new fisshin' hole fer a while.
Election Riots At Them Pollin' Place!
Now Ah know them country done had them electin' a week ago, but yall know, things go a lil' slow'r out here in Dead Roach County n we just final'y got them polls open'd.
Them poll work'r Jony wain't able to keep 'em open fer long though, fer 'round noon today ah businessman E. Dubya Dubya 'cided that juss contribtin' money to them poltishun's ain't 'nough, and he needed to take them things into his own grubby hands.
Like all them other law-bidin citizens, them EWW stepp'd into them pollin' machine n cast his ballot, but only a minute later would Ah realize that them vote wain't them only thing he cast in them place, fer no soon'r had them next vot'r pulled them lever did four crates o pur'fied T. N. T. blow them whole buildin' up in them sky and flyin' so far away that them votes juss mite end up bein' counted in some other state. Bunch o vot'rs them dead too, but forchanately tha'll not intefeer with ah democrattik process. Jony's still got one ball't box levt, an it aint like them state here one o them swing states anyways.
Yet Mo Funny Bisness in Them Hills!
While ah two gentlemen here been blastin' holes in them map, all them other folks been out hidin' doin' Lord knows what. Ah ain't gonna say nuttin', but if Ah was you and Ah got no bisniss in them county, ah'd move my behind out 'fore Ah found meself meetin' my maker.
code:
Claims Filed at Dead Roach County Land Office
| Name | Occupation | Land Claims |
| Atrahedron | Pioneer | Freeeeedom, Trankwil Base, Luna Ranch, Fence One, Shootin' Platform |
| EWW | Merchant | Chuck 7, Lou 11, Chuck 8, Lou 12, Fran 1 |
| Herkales | Banker | Quid, Bob, Penny, Farthin, Tosheroon |
| Jony | Politician | Dubya |
| Kassie | Schoolteacher | Athens, Spahta, Corinz, Sirricuse, Sidonya |
| Loobletko | Painter | Bloo, Yella, Grin, Grae, Whiit |
| Boss Nucular | Pastor | Yassa, Arfat, Croaking, Dark Cabin |
| Siban | Cook | BBQ'd |
| Skanky Burnt | Musician | Classik, Dead Metal, Raygay, Blooos, Rap |
| Spike, Esquire | Attorney | Uno, dos, tres, quatre, fuenf |
| Starred Cowboy | Cowboy | Rowlett, Mesquite, Garland, Plano, Richardson |
| Uncle B | Pimp | Clit, Vag, Lab, Censored, cun |
| Vad Hornkof | Pimp | Hoo-ray, Fer, Boobz |
| Sparrowhack | Steamboat captain | WASTED |
| ColonelTacticus | Cavalry Officer | WASTED |
| DookCloud | Prospector | WASTED |
| Whohuh | Outlaw | WASTED |
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07-11-2004 03:58
Smiley:
If I were a Banker and not a former Steamboat Captain, I know who I wouldn't be putting my money on. 
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