20-06-2005 16:37									#61
	Got spare money?

You're a cuddle *****. You are ****ed, oh so very very ****ed

No sex for you!

	20-06-2005 16:45									#62
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

I ahve female freinds

they want to talk to me, they even want to confide in me

they dont' want to cuddle, and they don't want to sleep with me

so I Think this might be sometihng a bit different..

jM

	20-06-2005 17:30									#63
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You said that she often stays out late. Do you know where she goes when she goes out by herself? Is she going out looking for guys, or is she meeting someone in particular or is she just going out with the girls? Does she have a relationship already or is she recovering from one that went sour? Maybe she's not really very interested in you but she appreciates you as a stable base providing a little security (i.e. the cuddling). Really you need to talk to her more. Perhaps you tried but she clammed up. One way of getting her to talk is to open up about yourself. You could talk to her about your life, living with your mother, living in Alaska, what your plans and hopes are, what you'd like in a relationship, etc. Once you get the ball going people often join in. Be prepared though that what you find out may not be what you had hooped for.

	20-06-2005 18:21									#64
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quote: You said that she often stays out late. Do you know where she goes when she goes out by herself? Is she going out looking for guys, or is she meeting someone in particular or is she just going out with the girls?

Over that past week shes been out with me, she said that before she would just go home and sleep or watch a movie with her cousin.

quote: Does she have a relationship already or is she recovering from one that went sour?

I dont know how long ago her last relationship was but it was very sour.

quote: If things don't work out, you can always hit on her friends.

Ive already started working my charm on another coworker. If nothing develops with Chica over the next couple of weeks I will switch targets.

	20-06-2005 18:28									#65
	Got spare money?

quote: Ive already started working my charm on another coworker. If nothing develops with Chica over the next couple of weeks I will switch targets.

Couple of weeks? Isn't that a bit to long of a time-frame? Use jealosy to your advantage

	20-06-2005 19:09									#66
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

I've observed that when women say they want a 'nice guy' , guys tend to forget the latter and obsess over the former . You , apparently , have fallen into this trap . The ideal is to be a nice guy without suppressing your sexuality .

Last edited by aneeshm on 20-06-2005 at 20:52

	20-06-2005 20:35									#67
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

Who cares if the ladder theory is pop psychology. It's true for the most part and that's what counts.

Women are just pissed because we're on to them.

	20-06-2005 20:59									#68
	Re: Oi women are teh confusing. 'Poly women mind translating for me? Inflate your Upload Space

quote: Originally posted by Space05us She insists we're just friends.

You could just believe her and act like a friend. Do you want to hang with her if it will only ever be friends??

quote: Originally posted by Space05us Why does she call out of nowhere to talk about nothing?

Ambiguous. She would do that with a good friend as well as a love interest.

quote: Originally posted by Space05us Why does she cuddle with me in my bed after work?

This one got my attention since if I was cuddling a hot lady, various parts would come to attention. If you want to make her aware of that, you could always "spoon" with her. You don't need to get perverted but she would definitely become aware that you were "interested". The cuddling thing is the one that seems odd to me but perhaps she just needs comfort as others has suggested and its not a romantic or sexual thing for her.

quote: Originally posted by Space05us She even waited almost 2 hours after she got off just to give me a ride home last night, and stayed out an hour longer than usual. She usually gets home by 1 at the latest, last night she stayed until almost 2:30.

This is friend behavior only for very good friends.

quote: Originally posted by Space05us Not that I mind, Im just confused. This is not normal friend stuff, is it?

Inconclusive. Some of her behavior shows a regard for you that would go past normal friends into very very good friends. The cuddling is the only thing that has romantic overtones and that is counteracted by her blunt statement that she wants to be friends.

If it were me, I would assess my own feelings. If I didn't feel anything special for her, I would move on. You would then have the secondary decision of whether you want this particular friendship to continue. A friendship can be quite valuable in and of itself.

If you do have feelings for her beyond generalized horniness, then I think you should make them clear. With such feelings, you might never be really comfortable in the friend zone so why not be clear on that? If you really don't want the friendship only, why not go for what you really want.

	20-06-2005 21:01									#69
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Btw, a thing that I didn't get..... does spacey want her to be more than friends?

	20-06-2005 21:30									#70
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi Ask her what she means by a friend. Tell her where you come from friends don't sleep in each other's beds.

I've had female friends sleep in my bed before. It is possible to sleep in the same bed without having sex.

	20-06-2005 23:16									#71
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

Geez guys with all that advice your about to get the poor guy slapped and the **** kicked out of him. The girl obviosuly enjoys your company it is possible that she has had a lot of bad reltaionships and wants a good friend to hang out with that happens to be a man. She feels safe and comfortable with you and cares about you but may not be attracted to you. Ususally when a woman says you are her friend it means you are just that. Doesnt mean that she might want more later but you have to be patient and respect her space. at the same time if she is doing things that lead you to think other things then there is nothing wrong with telling her or asking her where this is going.

	20-06-2005 23:22									#72
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quote: Ususally when a woman says you are her friend it means you are just that.

Translation: Run for your life!

	20-06-2005 23:26									#73
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

So do the women on this forum think it is normal to cuddle in bed with someone 'just a friend'? That just seems... odd.

	21-06-2005 00:05									#74
	Inflate your Upload Space

quote: Originally posted by Bosh Couple of weeks? Isn't that a bit to long of a time-frame? Use jealosy to your advantage

This tactic is Oerdin approved.

You'll be chatting up girl #2 while possibly giving girl #1 a reason to over come her confusion/indecision (assuming that is the problem) and if you're a cuddle ***** on her friends ladder then it will give you a chance to attempt a ladder jump to her real ladder. It likely won't work but you can try.l

	21-06-2005 00:20									#75
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BTW I'd advise against the wait and see approach. Like UR said there is a narrow window of opportunity in most cases where you have a chance to be a romantic interest or you slide into the friends zone. For guys the girl is really interested in he can work his way out of the friends zone and onto the real ladder but most of us normal guys find that difficult. Therefor it is best to move before you get sentenced to the "just friends" ladder.

You don't have to profess undying love to her or anything but do have to make it clear you're single, you like her, and the door is open.

	21-06-2005 00:32									#76
	Inflate your Upload Space

"there is a narrow window of opportunity in most cases where you have a chance to be a romantic interest or you slide into the friends zone."

do you guys honestly believe this load of crap

	21-06-2005 00:35									#77
	Remove this text

Yes, and now answer Imran's question!

	21-06-2005 00:35									#78
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

quote: do you guys honestly believe this load of crap

It's mostly rock solid.

	21-06-2005 01:17									#79
	Remove this text

you still believe it even though as a woman with lots of
life experiences...... im telling you with all honesty that its not true.
that most women would and do want to
be friends first before sex. that most women respect
a man who is able to do that. that most women don't want to be loved only for sexual favors.
that most women want and need companionship above sex.


and yes i think its fine and acceptable to cuddle in a bed
without any sexual intent... and yes i would do that with someone i was just friends with at the time...and yes i would like that even above sex. and no i never exclude friends from possible future relationships.
i don't have two ladders and i don't know any woman who does.
with any current friend there is always the
possiblity of it growing into something more. if you don't like someone why would you continue to be friends. and if you do like someone then there is always the possiblity of growing closer.

life situations change and people change and people grow and its one of the wonderful things about life is that nothing is out of the range of possiblity.


i was friends with a man for several years before i
even went out with him... and for all that time i never
thought of him as anything but a friend.
and then one night we kissed and everything changed
and i ended up married to him.. a few years after that.


and AZ nothing in life is "rock solid"

	21-06-2005 01:20									#80
	Put an end to popups!

quote: and yes i think its fine and acceptable to cuddle in a bed without any sexual intent

Making men into cuddle *****es.

	21-06-2005 01:21									#81
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi Ask her what she means by a friend. Tell her where you come from friends don't sleep in each other's beds.

Is it just me that sees this as pretty normal? I mean, I have lots of female friends I'm close to like that, that doesn't seem much like a romantic thing.

	21-06-2005 01:24									#82
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quote: Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui quote: and yes i think its fine and acceptable to cuddle in a bed without any sexual intent Making men into cuddle *****es.

did you ever think that maybe there is a part of life
your missing out on... being close to someone spiritually and emotionally .. not just sexually.

	21-06-2005 01:25									#83
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quote: Originally posted by Drogue Is it just me that sees this as pretty normal? I mean, I have lots of female friends I'm close to like that, that doesn't seem much like a romantic thing.

yes its perfectly normal

	21-06-2005 01:25									#84
	Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by Sprayber I've had female friends sleep in my bed before. It is possible to sleep in the same bed without having sex.

	21-06-2005 01:26									#85
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any you wanna be more than just friends with? that's the true line, from where I see it:


a) hanging around as a friend with a girl you want ( and I don't mean "I'd hit it", I mean "want", You people understand what I am talking about ), that sends terribly mixed messages around - cuddle b*tch.

b) hanging around as a friend, with a girl/women that you are intersted in as a friend only ( AND I MEAN IT, NO SECRET URGES, NO NOTHING.) - you can still consider her hittable, btw - a true friend.

	21-06-2005 01:27									#86
	Re: Oi women are teh confusing. 'Poly women mind translating for me? Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by Space05us She insists we're just friends. Why does she call out of nowhere to talk about nothing? Why does she cuddle with me in my bed after work? She even waited almost 2 hours after she got off just to give me a ride home last night, and stayed out an hour longer than usual. She usually gets home by 1 at the latest, last night she stayed until almost 2:30. Not that I mind, Im just confused. This is not normal friend stuff, is it?

IANAW, but...all of my close friends since the beginning of high school have been women (close being defined as actually going out and doing things rather than just being friendly if we happen to be in the same place at the same time.) I've had a few who were like this, which sometimes led to awkward situations, but we generally just laughed them off.

My advice is to just accept what she says at face value. People tend to like it when you do that. If you want to be her friend, be her friend...if you can't handle it, then don't. It's really not that complex a situation. While it could change in the future, there's no point in either trying to manipulate the situation or sitting around hoping and waiting to no end. A good number of the friendships I've had with women have gone back and forth between full relationships and 'just' friendship (a couple of them multiple times) but it was always in the context that we were friends who liked each other enough to be more for a while, and then we weren't. One of the relationships never got to the "weren't" phase, and we're getting married. I never saw the point of trying to go out and force things (or of not accepting 'just friends' either, but, to each his own.)

	21-06-2005 01:29									#87
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote: and yes i think its fine and acceptable to cuddle in a bed without any sexual intent... and yes i would do that with someone i was just friends with at the time...

Freak.

quote: with any current friend there is always the possiblity of it growing into something more. if you don't like someone why would you continue to be friends. and if you do like someone then there is always the possiblity of growing closer.

Contrary to ladder theory, I do have separate ladders. There are women I appreciate as friends, but with whom I'd never want to have a physical relationship with. I don't see what's odd about that. Maybe you're right that no woman think that way, but that's just further proof that women are messed up, then.

quote: one of the wonderful things about life is that nothing is out of the range of possiblity.

People who believe that scare me.

	21-06-2005 01:32									#88
	Full PM-box? Change here!

quote: Originally posted by boann did you ever think that maybe there is a part of life your missing out on... being close to someone spiritually and emotionally .. not just sexually.

Cuddling is neither spiritual nor emotional - it's physical.

	21-06-2005 01:40									#89
	Increase Your PM Length

quote: Originally posted by boann did you ever think that maybe there is a part of life your missing out on... being close to someone spiritually and emotionally .. not just sexually.

As LC pointed out, cuddling is a physical act. And if you really don't have interest in the guy sexually, then it is CRUEL! Because you are leading the guy on! When you are cuddling, the guy thinks there is a chance of something. That is why they are called 'cuddle *****'. Because they cuddle and cuddle, thinking something more is bound to happen, but they get caught.

If you don't think leading people on is cruel then there is no hope for you .

	21-06-2005 01:44									#90
	Re: Re: Oi women are teh confusing. 'Poly women mind translating for me? Support Apolyton

quote: Originally posted by dv8ed IANAW, but...all of my close friends since the beginning of high school have been women (close being defined as actually going out and doing things rather than just being friendly if we happen to be in the same place at the same time.) I've had a few who were like this, which sometimes led to awkward situations, but we generally just laughed them off. My advice is to just accept what she says at face value. People tend to like it when you do that. If you want to be her friend, be her friend...if you can't handle it, then don't. It's really not that complex a situation. While it could change in the future, there's no point in either trying to manipulate the situation or sitting around hoping and waiting to no end. A good number of the friendships I've had with women have gone back and forth between full relationships and 'just' friendship (a couple of them multiple times) but it was always in the context that we were friends who liked each other enough to be more for a while, and then we weren't. One of the relationships never got to the "weren't" phase, and we're getting married. I never saw the point of trying to go out and force things (or of not accepting 'just friends' either, but, to each his own.)

exactly