 |
|
civman2000
|
 |
of the Martian Empire
Jun 2001
time: 23:19
|
|
What's all this about Japan? You're not Japan, and Japan has always been neutral! To Greece: I won't organize an opposition against you, but you nuke->you pay for damages + extra reparations. I'll take your colonies and put em up for auction, and if you still don't learn your lesson, greece will cease to exist 
GIF map:
EDIT: Map now has little white dots representing the capitals of every county (you can rquest that yours be moved if it isnt in the right spot)
 Attachment: map2.gif
This has been downloaded 71 time(s).
Last edited by civman2000 on 14-05-2002 at 03:52
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Samuel Johnson
|
|
Saddam walked into Halie Selassie's living room and looked around appraisingly: "Pretty cool. Kind of a SouthWest Zen Feng Shui look." Halie responded, "Yeah, I did a "Trading Places" with a Somali warlord and his concubine." "Cool," Saddam said, "I'llhave to try that. Say, do you have a computer, I need to compose a response to that Greek madman."
Halie flipped open an I-Mac and clicked it on and wait for it to boot. He continued to wait. Then he went out and planted some pumpkin seeds and harvested the pumpkins. He went back in and waited. "Whew. it's finally up. Now let's bring up Internet Explorer." He waited for Internet Explorer to come up and then went outside and shoveled the snow, wondering what he should plant in Spring. He went for a 3 month vacation in Basra. "Okay. It's up. Now let's go over to Yahoo! Mail and enter in my username, "Jahman421" - someone already has Jahman420, dang - ok, Saddam, I'm ready."
Saddam woke up and noticed his beard had grown very long. OK, "Letter to that Greek Guy. Dude, we happily accept your offer. Please feel free to come down to Iraq anytime and massacre some kurds. Yours in peace, love and understanding, Saddam." Saddam went up behind Halie's shoulder - "Ok, hit send-"
"WAIT. HANDS AWAY FROM THE SEND KEY!"
Halie looked up at at the man who had appeared behind the huge rubber cactus. Saddam said, "Camel. Where the heck have you been for so long." Camel waved his 125-grain .357 at Saddam, "Daddy, the Spice Farm collective sprung me from the hospital and I have been training a crack force of headbangers to take over this den of iniquity. Is that the gol-danged Grateful Dead on the stereo?" Camel shot just above Saddam's shoulder and blew away the turntable. Saddam, "Son, just sit down and have a doobie. Everything will be alright."
"Dad, you have a drug problem so I have arranged a nice retirement home for you in Tripoli. It's a "gated community" with its own guard force and I am sure you will like it. Now get going."
"WAIT! TAKE THE GUN OFF THE OLD DOPER!!" It was General Raffsanjani, apparently a loyalist to the end. His gun had a laser sight and he started doing that annoying thing by bouncing the laser all around Camel's torso. "Knock it off!" screamed Camel. Saddam growled, "I hate that too, man" - he and the General were distracted and didn't the leader of the Spice Farm Collectve, Juda, who jumped up from inside one of those annoying New Mexican adobe pseudo-stoves and knocked the fat old geezer on his shoulder. She was carrying a Berretta .32 Tomcat and it matched her torn black shirt uniform and snug jeans just right, thought Camel. I love this lady!
There was silence as everyone reassessed the situation and almost before Camel could react, Halie tried to hit the send button but Camel shot the keyboard instead. Halie whined: "Hey, That's an I-Mac. The gol-dang keyboard is connected to the machine, so how my gonna replace it?" Saddam laughed, "Dude, he just did you a favor."
Just then Uday walked in the room, did a double take and ran out. A few seconds he came led in by several blackshirted Camel's followers holding pointy sticks. Camel looked at Uday and said, "Brother, are you in or out?" Uday looked at him, "Well, that depends on what you mean." Camel spoke, "You have never done me wrong - would you like to head up our military? I need reinforcements in Turkey and a zillion tons of artillery and tanks up there pronto. But leave some defensive forces down in the South. Switch the workers to build a redundant rail system from the north to the south." Uday just looked sad, "sure brother, should take a year or so. Can do." Camel ignored the sobbing sound.
Uday looked at his doper Dad, "Bye, Saddam. I'll come visit you."
Saddam said, "Actually I don't mind, Uday. The world has gone to sh*t anyway - might as well let you live you in it." And he walked out singing "Must have been high" while under guard of the guys with pointy sticks.
Camel looked at Juda: "You. Multi-ethnic action lady with that Dark Angel look, you are my new foreign minister. Here's what I want you to do:
One) Announce to the world Saddam's "demise" and our switchover to a Republic. We remain neutral but dedicated to our allies.
Two) Anounce our joining with the Native Alliance and that we invite Alaska into our club. Our going in offer to Alaska to join the Native alliance is access to their vast uranium deposits in return for spices and oil so they can build their defenses against the Canadian infidels and their massive Warsaw Pact buddies. We also offer them any technologies they do not currently have as a sign of friendship. We do request that you allow religious freedom in your country or at least freedom to practice our religion.
Three) We will keep our relations with the Band of Jihad for now - they are our brothers and we must stand unified - we ask the NAtive Alliance to consider their membership as well if they so desire.
Four) We will still pursue our nuclear plans but the evil nuclear plan to put bombs in the cities of everyone we hate is on hold. We have recently built bombs and we have hidden them within our homeland. We do not renounce the Greeks for their strikes against those who would see us and them dead but we politely turn down their offer to joint the Band. We note with closeness the Greek's current venture to the south of our allies in Egypt and we remind them that our words are now backed with... well you know the rest.... We continue to host the expatriate Ms. Mercouri as long as she desires and we do not take seriously her plans to overthrow the current Greek government.
Five) Oh, send out some notes of condolences to America and the proper authorites in Europe about the recent nuclear strikes, too. Can't hurt to show we have a heart, after all and they are still a formidable enemy who may someday be our friend (once we have converted them all). Since they are now isolationists, we assume they will be tearing up all their trade sanctions and we offer them some of the spice that was originally meant for Greece.
Six) To USSR, Poland and the rest of the Warsaw Pact, go with God, dear communists.
He turned to Halie Selassie, "you, go form a band and become my culture minister. I want to make reggae the national music and hold a music festival. We also please invite that uber-Amazon American baby Pink to come perform in the Uruk Soccer Stadium (her boyfriend is not invited). Invite the scientists to the show, they are always so much more compliant when they are surrounded by beautiful women - I want to discuss getting better computers than I-Macs with them."
SADDAM =
CAMEL=
UDAY =
Will Saddam break out of Tripoli "retirement home." Does he want to? Will Camel keep power with his blackshirts with pointy sticks. Will Uday get a clue and turn evil like his father who is secretly Annikan Sky...oops, wrong forum.
Tune in next time, blahblahblahwhatever...
Last edited by Samuel Johnson on 14-05-2002 at 03:59
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Rotten999
|
 |
Milwaukee, WI
Mar 2002
time: 23:19
|
|
"The marxist rebels in Zululand request aid, comrade leader."
Aronovich leaned back in his chair. It was nice to be out of the withstandinator bunker, with the "stolen women war" over.
"Well, the army doesn't earn interest by sitting on its hands. Send in our forces. It's time to expand our sphere of influence."
"I'll send word immediately. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to have the opportunity to live under your enlightened leadership. Now, about this purge I'm planning..."
"Table it, Beria." The commissar looked hangdog.
"I've been told the next launch will be manned. We are dedicating ourselves to reaching the moon by 1960."
"The news is good, so far. The irrational leaders of the other European nations have frightened off their best scientists. We stand to benefit."
"See that the funding for the space program is increased. Try to open trade with America. Perhaps peace will hold for a time."
Beria frowned, but said nothing.
Notes: Soviet forces now occupy eastern Zululand and are rapidly overrunning the natives, with help from local rebel factions.
Veitnam is also a Marxist hot-spot, but no actual Soviet troops are there...yet.
Japan has abandoned its ties with Zululand, and is becoming a de facto Warsaw Pact member, as it allied with the Warsaw Pact in the last war.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Samuel Johnson
|
|
Camel scratched his head. "What do you mean its 1954?" He called for his medication nurse to increase dosage. A few hours later, he screamed in denial for if it was 1954, Pink's parents probably weren't even born yet and that Dark Angel chick didn't exist and...and...and... he went back to sleep, thinking it was all a bad dream and he would reawaken in 2002.
He called up Japan and asked them how they were able to change thier alliance when no one even knew her their leader was. He called up Zululand and said, "yo, you need our help?" Oddly, there was no answer.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Samuel Johnson
|
|
Additional: Your foolish ally Poland traded us all the tech we needed to make ICBMs. Check the chart.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Samuel Johnson
|
|
To Ivan: I have changed my future research into Computers. I assume that all I have from the modern age is Rocketry, Spaceflight Satellites and Fission.
Given that we are in the dreary '50s, I also change the reggae festival to a, yawn, "50's dance festival" and invite all the s-h-a-g bands from Virginia Beach to Uruk for the happening. I also am inviting Marilyn Monroe to sing "Happy Birthday" to me and my foreign advisor is now played by Natalie Wood but she's gonna have to get a cooler hairdo. We also offer asylum to James Dean, Alec Guinness, Frank Sinatra and Elvis since y'all are the coolest dudes of the '50s.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Metaliturtle
|
 |
University of Wisconsin Stevens Point
Mar 2002
time: 23:19
|
|
quote:
Additional: Your foolish ally Poland traded us all the tech we needed to make ICBMs. Check the chart. |
OOC: Actually, we traded you the plans to the submarines with screen doors, we offered the Nukes, but you didn't offer anything in return, you have no nuclear knowledge, Sam, unless Germany traded with you.
Civman, U didn't update the map
Where did Commander Steve go? (End OOC)
Instead of changing the country name to Europe, Poland is changing the Continent name to Bonschnooglia, References to Eurasia will now be known as Bonschnoogliasia, and Poland will now be known as the Bonschnooglian ExEurope Revolutionarry, or BEER!!
BEER sends a fleet of warships to blocade the harbors of Holland.
Denmarck keeps it's independence, because Denmarck is cool ((OOC: ONCE AGAIN, GREENLAND AND ICELAND ARE DANISH, FIX IT! Iceland isn't due to achieve independence for like 4 more game years, and Greenland is still a Danish Province today, give the land to DENMARCK))
To the ruler of Greece: I offer you a non-agression pact, to bring the Bonschnooglian Continent under a quicker peace. I am still waiting for you to send the reparation check for the two cities, Paris, and Berlin, which you nuked just prior to their liberation, unprovoked, and unrequested.
To the ruler of Iraq: QUIT BLUFFING YOU ****ER
To the Warsaw Pact countries: let's spread some communism 
To independent nations: Money, and attractive Bonschnooglian women to all who accept the warsaw pact, and recognize the true power of Communism.
To China: Canada is my largest military supplier, do not even think of threatening that nation, or my "gifts of thanks" will cease to be, and without those you cannot fund your military.
To America: We are returning your prisoners of war in the hopes that a peace may come between our two great Nations.
To Holland (if you have a leader): I suggest you relenquish your territory to me, before your people do it for you.
To the USSR: I thank you for your support in my recent conquest of Bonschnooglia, know that you have my backing in your further endeavors for peace.
|
|
| |
|
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:19.
Apolyton Time is 00:19. |
top of page
|
| archivepost |
|
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
|
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
|
|
|
|
|
|
13-05-2002 23:42
Happy?
Perhaps this game needs a dungeon master type referee...
|
