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mrmitchell
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SUMMARY OF WAR
by the
Viking Information Minister
Battle of the Palace of Ice and Snow
Above, it is incorrectly reported that the Palace of Ice and Snow was destroyed by the Romans. This is another of the lies of the Roman press. The Palace of Ice and Snow was abandoned by Scandinavia for tactical reasons, but not before letting several thousand Roman backwards infantrymen throw themselves to death against its gates.
The Guerillas at Bubastis
There was a typo in the above report. It is not Roman geurillas that have landed near Bubbastis, but gorillas! They are like sick dogs. We will greet them and beat them with shoes.
Heroism at Polar Bear Club
The brave Vikings, with their extreme courage and valor, today liberated Polar Bear Club from the louts of colonialism. Our proud Berserkers rushed into the city. We beheaded every Roman present.
War Summary
The Romans are lost in the fighting. They are retarded. We have pushed them back on every major front. Their military is now the subject of laughter around the world. Our estimate is that the entire Roman army will be decimated if they do not surrender to us quickly.
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